


Rewriting Destiny

by Rapunzel_95



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:08:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 85,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rapunzel_95/pseuds/Rapunzel_95
Summary: Padme Solo, daughter of Han Solo and Leia Organa, twin sister of Ben Solo has always put others before herself. After the moment her brother turned, and her father walked away she swore to lock away both herself and the force. What happens when she comes face to face with her brother again, with Poe Dameron at her side? Will it unlock something inside her? Will she allow herself to open up again? This a Poe Dameron x OC story, starting at the beginning of The Force Awakens.  Disney owns most characters, Star Wars, and most of the story. I just own my character Padme Solo!
Relationships: Poe Dameron & OC
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. Face to Face Again

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or any of its characters, although it would be fantastic if I did! Sadly though, Disney owns Star Wars and its characters. Please enjoy this Poe Dameron x OC fanfiction! Feel free to leave comments!

Chapter 1: Face to Face Again

Poe and I sat in the small hut, the older gentlemen speaking softly to us, as if he wanted no one to hear but us. It was dark and muggy, which was not a surprise seeing the planet that we are on; Jakku. The man hands over the small leather bag, that holds the most important information to the Resistance as of the moment in it. The hope that my mother had always reminded me to keep, swells in my chest and I can’t help but smile at the older man. Poe notices this in the corner of his eye, and I swear I almost see a faint smile on his face as well. “This will begin to make things right,” the man says as Poe holds the fate of the Resistance in both of their hands. “I’ve traveled too far and seen too much to ignore the despair in the galaxy,” his voice shakes, sending waves of sadness into my chest. He was right, of course, all despair and chaos that my own blood has caused. I close my eyes, being thrown back into the last awful night that I ever saw my twin brother. 

~~~

I wake with a fright to a hand covering my mouth, my eyes widen in alertness as I try to bring my hands up to come at the dark figure above me. A scream is caught in my throat as I try to pry off the hands of the stranger. How I hadn’t sensed the presence before now I’m not sure. Of course, I didn’t practice the force but my mother had taught me the importance of listening to it. Even though I have mostly shut myself off from the force, I did try to listen to it when it seems important to.  
Suddenly, I’m being shushed and the voice says, “Padme, it’s just me,”. I recognize that voice from anywhere. The presence was much more clear now as I tried to shove him off me.  
“Ben?” I whisper when he pulls his hands away. I jump away from him in fright, as I see how he looks in the dim light. He’s covered in blood, and I’m not sure if it is his or someone else’s, but my gut was telling me it was not his. “Ben,” I gasp as he moves closer to me trying to calm me with his hands. “What have you done?” Panic and fear both start to bubble in my stomach as I think of the possibilities, my mother and father had warned me of the changes in Ben. I had also seen them from afar, in his transmissions and letters. He was angry, and short tempered, likely to burst at any moment. I can see the differences in his movements, he’s more tense, not as carefree and loose as before. His eyes are darker, the deep brown eyes more haunted, lost. I wasn’t sure what happened in the small space of time that we were away from each other, but it seems that it broke him completely.  
“Padme, you have to believe me Uncle Luke-”  
“Uncle Luke? Is he okay?” I say urgently. Ben huffed irritably, grabbing me fiercely by the shoulders to keep me from straying away from him again. He was crouched in front of me, trying to get to my level and look into my eyes. It was strange that he had come to me, left the temple, after he ran away after our last fight. I thought he would never speak to me again, but here he was, even more angry than before. Except now he wasn’t only angry, he was desperate. He wants- no he needs me to believe what it is that he’s telling me. I look into his lost eyes, trying to search for the truth, trying to find out what’s going on.  
“I need you to come with me sister,” he speaks firmly and slowly.  
“Why?” I whisper, “I want to be with mom and dad,”.  
“They’re on the wrong side, Me. They sent me away. They separated us, and now Uncle Luke has tried to kill me,” I try to pull from his grip, unsettled by the crazed look in his dark eyes. Part of me wanted to cave right now at the sound of his nickname for me, do what he asks, and leave this all behind. I shook my head through tears though, this was not my brother standing in front of me, I wasn’t sure who this was. It seems that he was indeed losing the battle to the darkness, despite the fact that my mom still had faith he wasn’t. I tried to search his feelings to find the truth, but everything was so muddled, and confusing. There’s no way Uncle Luke would try to kill him, Uncle Luke loved us…  
“That’s impossible, Ben. Uncle Luke would never do that. As for mom and dad…”  
“Listen to me,” Ben growls, tightening his grip on me. It’s so tight that I know he’s bruising me, and I whimper out in pain. Ben has never laid his hands on me, unless it was to provide comfort. I’ve witnessed his anger and tantrums, but never were they towards me. I wiggle to try to get him to loosen his grip, but he doesn’t really notice that he’s causing me pain.  
“Ben you’re hurting me,” he only tightens his hands on my shoulders. I squirm trying to get him to release his death grip on me. I want to scream for my parents, but I was afraid that with his anger towards them that he would hurt them. I’ve never felt such fear being in his presence before. I was the one who constantly told my parents that no matter how much the darkness tries to tempt Ben, that he would never give in. As I stand before him though, I feel it, the darkness just rolling off him.  
“You have to come with me, you have to join me,” he asserts. I grunt still struggling against him. Join him? Surely, he’s not talking about…  
Has Ben gone to the dark side? I search his eyes unsure, they may be darker, but they’re still the same eyes of my mom and dad. My mom and Uncle Luke have told me that sith usually have the signature yellow eye color. There was still hope for me that maybe, he wasn’t completely consumed by darkness. If he doesn’t have the yellow eyes, but the eyes of Ben Solo… I can bring him back to me.  
Even so, he does seem determined to leave, consumed by the darkness, how do I know it’s not too late? Could I follow him into the world of darkness, into the world of the sith? But, yet… I think about it. The thought of not being by his side, too painful to think about. I avoid looking into his eyes by closing my own, and flashes of both of us with red lightsabers in our hands flash in my vision. Yellow eyes visible, and rage and darkness surrounding us. Could I allow myself to harm others, just to stand by my brother’s side? I open my eyes quickly and shake my head furiously, the pull of darkness much too tempting. I know in my heart though, that I could never let the darkness consume me like it has him. I can’t, not now, not ever, I would not be like my grandfather. I couldn’t let my parents, Uncle Luke, and everyone down by following him down this path.  
“Ow, Ben! Stop it, you’re hurting me,” I cry out succeeding in pulling myself away from him. He steps away from me looking at his hands in shame. I can feel the regret coming from him in huge waves, he never meant to hurt me. Ben would never hurt me, not on purpose. That was something that I could count on, always.  
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…” he looks back up at me with a look of loss in his eyes and I shake my head moving further away until I hit the wall. My throat and chest tightened in fear, as I wonder if he will hurt me if I deny him. If I don’t join him, will I only be his enemy? In the small light of the room, I can see the regret written all over his features. He didn’t mean to hurt me. In those dark changed eyes, I can see Ben Solo trying to fight whatever is consuming him.  
I almost want to reach out to him, seeing the look on his face. How could I just let my twin brother walk away? He’s obviously lost and confused, maybe I can help him. I slowly reach out for him, taking both of his hands in my own which are shaking. His hands are much larger than my own. I give them a small squeeze, and look up into his eyes again. “We can’t just run away, Ben. I have friends here, mom and dad. I have Abel,” at the mention of Abel his eyes automatically look away from mine. I furrow my brow in confusion, “What happened? Talk to me Ben,”. I take on my usual motherly role with him, as I try to calm him down. I was the only one who could talk him out of his anger when he was upset, I was the one who took care of him. I understood what he was going through, the darkness he was trying to overcome.  
He refuses to look up at me now, instead at our hands, “Abel would have betrayed you,”. My heart drops into the pit of my stomach at this. What did he mean ‘would have,’? My head goes a million different directions as I try to understand what he means. I glance over his features, and he’s fidgety and nervous, still not willing to speak or look at me.  
“Ben,” I gasp, “What did you do?”  
“They were attacking me Padme, I was only protecting myself, you have to believe me,” he begs. At this point I’m releasing his hands and backing away from him again. There was no way. There was no way that Ben killed my friends, the first boy I ever loved, or Uncle Luke. I try to search out for my friends, or for Abel, or Uncle Luke, and I sense nothing. My chest starts to tighten in anxiety, and I start gasping for air in panic.  
“Ben, you didn’t…”  
“We had to kill them, Me. I’m sorry. It was either me or them,” he comes close to me and I put my hands up signaling for him to stay away from me. The childhood nickname that usually softened my heart, only brought bile into my throat now. My chest ached, I had never suffered a loss like this before. I have not experienced what the death of someone you love feels like, until this moment. It wasn’t just the death of my friends, or Abel that has caused me such pain. It was also the death of my brother, Ben Solo. I close my eyes tightly, several voices cycling around my head. Kill him. Kill him. He killed your friends, your first love. Kill him. I try to focus, I try to push the voices away just for once, as I feel myself being overwhelmed. He’s too dangerous to be kept alive. I open my eyes at this shaking my head no, I can’t do that to my brother, no matter what terrible thing he has done.  
“No Me, they got to you too,” he grabs at his hair, looking completely distressed, “I did this for you, for us,”. I almost hurt my neck. I jerked it so hard to look at him when he said this. For me?! For ME?! Was killing my Uncle, my friends, and my first love, a gift?! I feel something stir inside my chest, and I growl. This was a new kind of anger, an anger that I have never felt, one that made me see red.  
I stand up straight on my feet in rage coming closer to him now, all the fear I previously felt completely gone, “You did this for me?!” I get closer to him, getting on to my toes so that he can hear every word that I have to say. “You are lying to me Ben, I sense it,” I wasn’t sure what he was lying about, I knew my friends were dead. I knew Abel was dead. I wasn’t so sure that it was under the circumstances that he was claiming. Abel would never attack Ben, he considered him a brother. He would come home with Ben, every visit, to try to pressure me into joining their training. Now, that seems like a far away thought.  
He shakes his head aggressively, “I would never lie to you, Uncle Luke did try to kill me,” he starts backing away from me as if he was now scared of me and he should be. He killed everyone I loved, all in one night. I reach my hand out before even thinking about it and I hear Ben take in one last sharp breath. I focus really hard on his throat as he gasps for air, grasping at his neck. His feet slightly lift off the ground as I lift him up, and all I can think about is the anger. The pure anger I felt towards him for taking everything away from me.  
“So you’re telling me you killed my friends, my boyfriend for me?!” I snap, at this point I have no hopes for Ben coming back to the light. He nods through his gasping and pain but I shake my head sticking my finger into his face, “I will NEVER join you Ben,”. I try to seem defiant, not letting my tears fall. I felt as if I was suffocating from this pain, from this darkness that has consumed my brother. For a split second I wonder, if I would have followed the same path, had I trained; would I be on his side, walking the path of a sith? It was then that I jolted out of my angry haze realizing what I was doing. I release him quickly backing farther away from him as he grasps at his neck taking huge breaths of air and coughing. I… what did I… just do? I feel my chest fill with some darkness, some anger, that I fed off of to use the force, and I almost cry.  
He looks distraught and betrayed, unable to speak at first. He tries to think over his words carefully, “Me, please. You’re my sister,”. His voice is raspy from me choking him, and I gasp for air. I can’t believe I did that. I can’t believe I did that. I just force choked my own brother. I shook my head looking at my hands as tears filled my vision.  
We’ve never been apart before besides his training, of which he was able to come visit. I couldn’t allow myself to be on his side, to give in. I already knew that the darkness was in me, I had to keep it at bay. This means that I cannot follow him. I cannot go down this path of anger and pain. My heart was breaking in my chest at the idea that I may never see him again, and if I do we’ll be on two different sides. I never wanted to be his enemy, but it seems that history repeats itself.  
“Leave,” I say emotionless. He doesn’t move at first he only reaches his hand out, trying to get me to come with him. “Go AWAY!,” I scream this time, knowing it probably woke up our parents. He stumbles back as if I had literally hit him in the face. I wanted to. I wanted to scream and yell, and hurt him in ways that he hurt me but I knew that this was the path to the dark side. The anger, the pain, if I used it against him, I would only follow him down his path. A path that I can not allow myself to take. It was now that I decided, while glancing at my crazed and confused brother in front of me, that I would never attempt to use the force again. I would never let myself love again. I’m going to shut down, so that I’ll never become a sith.  
“I will get you back Padme, you will join me,”. Ben says through gritted teeth as he turns, leaving, and following a path I can not follow.  
~~~  
I let my eyes wander outside to the darkness, sensing trouble, and sensing someone who we did not want to deal with. I feel that this presence will be here any moment, which means we need to get out of here as soon as possible. I bring a hand up to play with the dice loosely hanging around my neck, playing with them between my fingers. Another nervous habit of mine, to keep my hands busy. The older I become, the more I realize it’s important to listen to the force. It seems to keep me out of trouble, most of the time. I look over Poe’s features, his signature leather jacket hanging loosely around him. I was curious as to how he wasn’t hot in this climate, but I push that to the back of my mind as I listen to the two speak.  
I try to let my anxiety subside as Lor San Tekka continues to speak after releasing Poe’s hands, “Without the jedi, there can be no balance in the force.” I take this chance to look back at Poe and reach out for his hand so that I can let him know of my concerns, but Poe now chooses to speak looking into the man’s eyes, gratitude shining in them. Which leads to me balling my hands into fists and placing them in my lap. I knew that what was coming could be life threatening, but I also knew this kind man deserved our gratitude. Lor San Tekka was an old family friend of ours, and he was always willing to help the resistance any way he could.  
“Well because of you, now we have a chance,” again, I can see the faint sign of a smile on his lips as he shook the object in his hand, representing how important it really is. I nod in agreement as Poe vocalizes the importance, “The general’s been after this for a long time.” At the mention of my mother, I felt a sense of homesickness being away from her. The same home sickness that I feel thinking of my father.  
The older man smiles, “Oh, the General?,” he takes a glance at me this time before speaking, “To me she is royalty”. At this point I can’t help but smile as Poe looks at me to agree with him, almost with a look of love in his eyes. I felt my heart beat heavily in my chest, and my face became a warm pink under his glance. Poe Dameron, the brave pilot of the resistance, the brave man of whom I was falling truly and fully in love with, more every single day. It was moments like these that I almost wanted to say it out loud.  
“Well, she certainly is that,” Poe leans in close to me at his statement and wraps one of his arms around my shoulders which brings an even brighter smile to the gentlemen’s face. Poe was warm, as he always was when he did small gestures like this. I felt my heart skip a beat as I lean closer into his form. Just at that moment BB8 comes bursting in, confirming my anxiety of the unwanted company. I can sense the stress Poe is in as he looks at BB8 and then at the both of us, “We’ve got company,”. We’re all on our feet in moments, and I am quick to follow Poe outside, the old man not far behind us. Poe pulls out his goggles as I stand next to him, to look out at the commotion and I feel my heart drop as he pulls it down and looks at me. We both knew that this wasn't a good sign as the first order ships preyed closer to the innocent and screaming villagers. “You have to hide,” Poe says, not even turning to look at the old man. I take Poe’s hand in mind intertwining our fingers, trying to calm my nerves, and remind myself that Poe and I can get ourselves out of anything. We have done it before. Poe runs a soothing thumb across my hand as our older friend speaks. Sometimes, it was like Poe could read my mind and know what I need in every single moment.  
“You have to leave,” we both turn to him. I almost wanted to shake my head no, not wanting to watch another life taken from the first order, from my brother. “Go,” he demands firmly, and I almost have to hold my tears back, as I let go of Poe’s hand. I embrace the man quickly, through my emotional state. This man has done so much for us, what may seem small to him was huge to us, to the resistance. All life was important, and it hurts me that we can’t do more to help those around us.  
“Thank you,” I whisper in his ear, and he holds tightly to me in a brief hug.  
“Of course, your highness,” he released me to look in my eyes and demand again, “Now go,”. I turn to look at Poe who looks down at BB8 and nods, opting to take my hand again, as we rush off with BB8 to hide from the first order soldiers. He holds tightly to my hand, as if it was his lifeline in the middle of this disarray. At the arrival of the first order, everything becomes pure chaos. The villagers are screaming in terror, at the idea of losing their lives. The first order was not known for their ability to spare lives. We make a mad dash through the loud crowd jumping and dodging through the scared people. My heart feels like it is beating a hundred miles a minute as Poe clutches tightly to my hand, trying to keep me by his side. BB8 trails behind us hurriedly, knowing how important this truly was. Suddenly, we can hear the fire of the storm troopers as they get off their ships. This makes Poe and I push our legs even harder to get away as fast as we can.  
They are shooting innocent individuals, and my heart breaks in my chest but, I know that I can’t stop, not now. “Come on BB8, hurry,” Poe exclaims as we finally make it to our ships. I stop at the sight of my destroyed ship, and let out a frustrated breath. Poe gestures for me to climb in first into his ship, as he looks around to see if anyone is watching us. I make my way up and he follows. The hatch starts to shut as the ship comes to life, pulling BB8 into the ship. I’m gasping for air, already feeling exhausted, but Poe is acting quickly trying to get the ship moving. “Put your helmet on, Padme,” he says out of breath while putting his helmet on. I want to stop and ask why he has two helmets in his ship, but I don’t even bother. I nodded, watching him get the ship started. I was a pilot too, but with my scattered brain I wasn’t sure that I could even fly right now. I am suddenly jolted out of my thoughts, as our ship takes a hit and I cry out in fear as the alarms in the ship alert us of the damage. Poe looks at me unsure of what to do now, we can’t get away without a ship. BB8 chirps about the troopers coming and Poe nods in acknowledgment, “ I see them,”.  
Poe,” my voice shakes slightly, feeling a sense of urgency. “We need to shoot them down now!” Poe nods, and readies the gun on the soldiers and points it towards them. We would not go out without a fight. Poe starts taking his shots, and I turn around to see the troopers scatter across the sandy ground of the planet. He jumps out gracefully and briskly, throwing off his helmet and I do the same, pulling out the blaster my father gave me. The blaster looks huge in my small hands, something Poe would usually comment on if we were not in mortal danger. We walked under the ship looking at the damage, and a breath caught in my throat knowing there was no way this ship was going to get us out of here. Poe and I turn to look at the damage the storm troopers are causing, I want to run out and help them. I go to walk towards them and Poe grabs my hand turning me towards him. I give him a look of desperation, but he only shakes his head no.  
“You can’t, it’s too dangerous!” he yells over the loud screaming. I breathed heavily turning to look again at the death happening around me, and I felt angry. Angry that my own brother would cause this, angry that I couldn't do more. “Come on,” he pulls on my hand as we walk over to BB8. He squats down in front of BB letting go of my hand and taking out the drive that holds the information. “You take this, it’s safer with you than it is with me,” BB8 reaches out with his metal arm and Poe places it there. “You get as far away from here as you can, do you hear me?” I kneel down next to them placing a kiss on BB’s head.  
“You can do this, BB,” I say after placing the kiss. BB8 is hesitant asking his master when he will see us again. Poe is distressed but does a good job at hiding it from BB8. He did not want to leave his droid behind. “I’ll come back for you,” he remains strong for his droid, “It’ll be alright,”. Poe takes my hand in his and nods, “Are you ready?” I lace my fingers through his, noticing how steady he always was and I nod even though part of me really wasn’t ready. How could we take on all of these troopers? Not to mention…  
“We’ve got this princess,” he assured, leaning closely to me, his face inches from mine.  
“We always do,” I breathe. I think about leaning forward to kiss him, thinking this might be my only chance. His lips were so close…  
Before I can get lost in my thoughts again, Poe pulls away and we run back towards the chaos getting against a rock to start shooting at the troopers. Poe and I started taking a few shots at the first order troopers, both of us taking a couple at a time down. I never felt more grateful for my father teaching me how to use a blaster. It catches my attention when another ship lands and we both stop our shooting, bringing our blasters down. My stomach drops, knowing now that I was right. “Poe,” I gasp, grabbing his arm. “It’s Ben we have to go,” I try pulling him up from his crouched position. He doesn’t budge though as we watch the ship land, and the door opens. “We can’t take him,” my voice shakes.  
I look to his sight of vision to see it, to see why he isn’t moving. They have Lor San Tekka, and at that precise moment I am frozen as well. Watching my brother in his dark attire, and mask walking towards him. I knew what was about to happen, I could feel it and I almost wanted to close my eyes and disappear but I couldn't. I try to hear what is being said between them, but it is difficult to hear over the noise. Everything seems to be on fire, and the smoke is burning my eyes and lungs. I look over at Poe, whose face is wet from sweat, as I am sure mine is. I turn back to look, and it turns out to be a real short conversation, as Ben ignites his red lightsaber and brings it down to kill him. I let out a scream of terror, as Poe lets off his blaster trying to get a shot at Ben who is too strong with the force, as he raises his hand and stops the blast mid air. I knew that it was too late, and there may be no way of getting out of this. Ben looks at Poe, and then at me, seeming a bit startled at seeing me. I became confused at this, knowing he had to sense me when they landed. Our bond was too strong, to not notice each other, even after all this time.  
Ben used the force to hold us there and knock both of our blasters out of our hands. Poe tries to reach out for me and I do the same but Ben is too strong and it wasn’t long before the troopers were kicking Poe in the side bringing him to his knees. I scream in anger reaching out for him as they grab me as well. “It’s okay, we’ll get through this, I promise,” he said through gritted teeth. Hot tears fill my vision as I fight against the troopers but they just carry us towards Ben. Poe takes a glance back one last time, I’m assuming to see if BB got away and then turns to look at me. The troopers hold us in front of Ben, and he looks between the two of us. My chest hurts, at the sight of him as the memories of our last moments together flash before my eyes. The betrayal from years ago still sting to this day. They hit both Poe and I in the back pushing us both to our knees, leaving us both grunting in pain. They cuff our hands behind our back, and I look sideways again at Poe who I can see getting angrier by the second, seeing the pain I’m in but he tries to remain cool, and calm. He knows that going off will just cause more trouble, and that is something that we did not need.  
Ben kneels down to look Poe in the eye, now avoiding looking at me. They stare at each other for a few seconds, and that is when Poe decides to speak, “So, who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?” I look sideways at Poe, wishing that he would not be sarcastic for once in his life. I feel Ben’s frustration from here, and I know that he does not have the patience to deal with Poe’s sarcasm. I don’t dare speak though, afraid of what Ben is truly capable of.  
“The old man gave it to you,” Ben’s voice is distorted from the mask and I flinch at the sound. I had not seen Ben or heard his voice, since the day he came to me after killing all of the Jedi, to ask me to join him. Hearing him sound like, well what I would assume Darth Vader sounds like, was a bit unsettling for me. It was disturbing to see my twin brother the way he is now. The dark attire, the black and silver mask, something that also resembled Darth Vader, our grandfather. The same brother, that used to be my best friend. I felt that I was sweating straight through my clothes, as the fire continues to burn around us. This miserable planet was already hot and sticky, but with the fires it was much worse.  
“It’s just very hard to understand you with all the…” Poe gestures with his hands at the mask. I almost want to face palm at his actions, he seems to like to find the wrong time to be sarcastic. It was one of the many reasons that I for some reason loved him. If my hands were not restrained though, I surely would have face palmed.  
“Search him..”  
“...apparatus,”  
The troopers pulled him up from his knees and I tried to stand but Ben forced me back down with the force looking at me. I tried to fight against his power to break his hold over me, but it was pointless. Even if I had the force, I had never practiced with it in fear of the darkness. There was no way I could use it against him. I swallow hard looking him up and down, he really was trying to be like our grandfather. Using the anger and hatred to fuel his power. I watch as they search Poe, my heart racing. All I wanted was to protect Poe, keep him safe, and get us out of here.  
“Nothing, sir,” the trooper says and Ben looks back at them.  
“Put them both on board,” Ben says, turning to walk towards the ship. I look at Poe frantically, as Ben releases me from the force hold and troopers force me up and towards the ship. Poe looks at me nodding, making sure I know he won’t let anything happen to me. At this point though, the hope that I had back in the hut is now gone. All that I can be hopeful for, is that our precious little droid makes it back to the resistance. I jump as I hear shots going off one after one behind us, and it is then that I can no longer hold back my tears knowing that they are killing every single person here. I fight the troopers restraining me, even knowing that it will do nothing. Their grip tightened on me as I tried to turn back, try to do anything I can to help them.  
“No, no…” Poe mutters under his breath trying to pull from their grip to go help the villagers. I try not to let out my sobs as they pulse through my body and I dead weight them. I’m unable to even stand at this point, so drained from this mission. The troopers throw us roughly down into the ship. Poe scoots closer to me as he can, and I lay my head on his shoulder trying to stop the tears. “Hey, sweetheart it’s going to be okay,” he says quiet enough where the troopers can’t hear. I want to believe him, I want to think that we will get out of here safe and sound. How could I though? There is no way any rebels could get to us in time.  
“Poe, I…” I try to say the words that I have been wanting to say for a long time now but he shakes his head fiercely. I didn’t understand why, why he wouldn’t just let me say what I needed to say. What if something happens to either of us before I can say it?  
“Princess, I’m going to need you to save that for later. We’ll get out of this, I promise,” he tries to soothe my worries, but I can't help but feel that this may be my last chance to say it. I listen to him though, really thinking about it. I didn’t need Ben to know how important Poe was to me, if he did, he would use him against me. I just nod, as I feel the ship landing, and hear the door opening. I couldn’t help but wonder, how were we going to get out of this one? Are we going to make it out alive?


	2. I Fight For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Padme have been captured by the First Order, and most importantly - by her twin brother Kylo Ren. How far will Kylo go to get his information and will they be able to fight it? Will they get out of this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some warnings for this chapter: blood, torture, cursing, etc. Again, I do not own Star Wars or most of its characters, sadly. I just own my character Padme Solo! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

They were quick to roughly push us out of the ship, Poe struggling every step of the way. I almost wanted to beg him to stop, knowing that his struggling will do no good right now. We have to find a way out of here, but we can’t do that if they kill us first for being disruptive. I want to say that my brother would never hurt me, but he isn’t my brother anymore. “All right,” Poe grumbles irritably, “all right!” I start to tremble in anxiety, hoping that they wouldn’t separate us. I didn’t know if I could get myself out of here on my own. Poe and I work better together, not to mention, I didn’t want him to get hurt. I needed to keep my eyes on him, I needed to know that he was okay. Anything could happen once we’re pulled away from each other. My hope is crushed though, when they start pulling us into separate directions.

“N-No! Poe,” I almost scream for him and he looks at me with widened eyes. He locks his brown eyes with my own, and with those eyes he says a million words. I try to portray my own feelings back, but I’m too afraid to do so. I want to speak, to say anything, to let him know that I would be okay, I just need him to worry about his own safety. I can’t get the words out as I continue to say his name the further away we’re pulled away from each other. I just need him to focus on himself, I just need him safe more than anything. All this time, I locked away how I felt and now all I could think about is if this is what pulls us apart before we even had a chance.

“Sweetheart, it’s going to be okay,” the troopers kick him even more roughly this time and he groans almost falling over. I cry out in fear, trying to reach out for him, calling for the force to help me just this one time. It baffles me how they were hurting him, and he was still thinking of me. I had to get him out of here. I had to stop this somehow, but I can’t focus. The force rejects me, almost as if bitter I locked it away for so long. The force rejects me and nothing happens, as they pull us further away from each other. I can’t help screaming his name, as we grow further and further apart. “Be strong for me, okay?” He’s gasping for air from the pain, as his figure finally disappears from my vision. I close my eyes for a second, trying to pull his chocolate brown eyes from my memory. The ones that brought balance, and calm into my life letting the feeling settle over me and then open my eyes. 

“Poe…” I whimper and one of the troopers carrying me hits me across the face to silence me. I grunt in pain, knowing that my lip is now busted. My entire vision shakes from the hit, the inside of the ship distorting. I blink a couple of times, trying to clear my vision from the shakiness.The familiar taste of blood is on my tongue as I lick my now busted lip. The metallic taste is bitter in my mouth, and I look sideways at the troopers, my vision becoming more clear.

“Be quiet,” the soldier demands. I narrow my eyes at him, turn my head and spit out the blood in my mouth at him, and he recoils in disgust landing another hit to my gut. I gasp from the hit, my body folding over in pain. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to catch my breath from the hit and then open my eyes again. I can’t help but smirk when I look sideways again to see my blood now running down his mask. Despite the pain both in my stomach, and lip, I let out a breathy laugh, knowing I got under the troopers skin. 

They lead me to what I can only assume is an interrogation room. They lay me on the cold metal slate, being sure to secure both my feet and hands. They both leave me to my own devices, walking outside, and I take a glance around as the door shuts behind them. There are tools for what looks like torture laying on a table across the room. If I could only get the force to work for me this one time, then I can get one of them to break myself free and to defend myself. Uncle Luke always told me I had the force in me, that I was just blocking it out of fear. Part of me knew he was right, not wanting the temptation of the dark side. I only fear the weakness our family carries to the dark side, and I do not want it to be used against me. Not by Snoke, not by my own brother, not by anybody. The light will always overcome the dark.

I knew now though, that I needed the force if we were going to get ourselves out of here. My mind goes back to Poe, as I close and open my fists, the restraints truly uncomfortable. I hope that he was okay, and that the troopers or Ben didn’t hurt him. All I can think is that maybe I should have told him how I felt anyway, I had no doubt that Ben was using his force right now to dig through poor Poe’s mind. I shake my thoughts away, my fingers twitching, and trying to use my focus to get one of the sharper looking tools on the table. My thoughts are too scrambled, for me to focus long enough though. I knew I needed to focus if I was ever going to get both Poe and I out of this. Why was it so hard to just focus on one tool? 

It feels as if it has been forever, when the door finally slides back open and Ben’s dark figure is standing in it. I swallow roughly, trying to put a brave face on, already knowing he can detect my fear. “Padme Solo,” his distorted voice says as he walks closer to me, stopping to stand right beside me. “You have the eyes of Han Solo,” He speaks again bitterly. I looked up at his tall figure, he got our father’s height, and lean figure. I had gotten my mother’s figure, and face, but my father’s eyes. That was one thing he was right about. I stared at him for a few seconds, looking him up and down. I was unsure of how to go about this, as I could remember before he turned, just about anything could set him off. This wasn’t Ben anymore, was it? Or was he deep down in there, in all of that darkness, and mask? 

“Ben,” his head snaps at that, almost in anger, if I could see his face. He brings his hand up before I can even think about saying something else and it’s almost as if all of my air is ripped from my lungs. My entire body screams in agony, as I gasped for air I most desperately needed. It almost felt like he was squeezing my lungs, and that any minute now I would never breathe again. My body convulses in pain, as my lungs try to desperately get some air. Darkness starts to etch its way into my vision, and I almost think he’s going to suffocate me and kill me. Am I even surprised, that this is the way I would go? At the hands of my twin brother? 

“Don’t you dare say that name,” he releases me and I gasp for air sweat beading on my forehead. He turns away from me then, still in that god awful mask. “I really wish you would have joined me, sister, you know that it’s not too late,” he grabs his mask, and I can hear hissing from it. He turns to look at me, those same sad dark eyes from years ago staring at me. I almost wanted to cry at the sight, he looked so tired, the rest of him didn’t look like Ben Solo, but his eyes did. Ben Solo was in there somewhere, I just didn’t know how to get him back out. “You can join me, and we can rule together,”. It was almost unbelievable that he was still trying to convince me to join him, to walk right into the path of the darkness. I felt the pull, I heard the voice in the back of my mind telling me ‘just give in,’. 

“I’ll never join you, you’re on the wrong side Ben. Please come back to us, to me,” my voice is barely audible, after being choked. He brought his gloved hand up to touch my face gently, surveying the fresh cut on my lip. He looks angry now, the sad look in his eye gone. It was like the hint of Ben Solo was there, but suddenly got locked back away. Part of me knows that I would never give up on Ben, I need him to come back to me. He is in the deep crevices of the man standing before me, just a boy, who’s lost his way. 

“They hurt you, I told them not to touch you,” he says under his breath, releasing my face. For a moment, I thought that maybe Ben did care about my well being but his next statement slapped me back into reality, “I couldn’t get what I needed from that pilot of yours, so I guess I will have to use another tactic,”. He looks up into my eyes, and I feel my chest tighten at his words. This was enough confirmation to know that he had indeed hurt Poe, and he would do anything to retrieve the map. My mind strays off into different directions as I try to think of the many ways he could have caused harm to Poe. 

“I suppose that means you can give me what I want, or I will take it,” my eyes widened in panic. There was an edge of madness to his tone, and I couldn’t help the fact that my heart raced in fear at his words. My mind wanders to Poe’s safety, and how badly hurt he was. I stay silent, for what seems like forever when he finally turns back to me bringing his hand up again. Only this time, it is my head that feels like it is going to explode. I knew that he was trying to search my mind for more information. On Poe, on me, on the resistance, but I knew that I couldn’t let him in. I use all of my will and strength to try to fight against him and the crippling pain he was causing me. I try to think of anything else, of the past, of our memories, trying to remind him of the good times. Images of our parents, of us at a young age flash before my eyes in an attempt to keep him away from anything Poe or resistance related. 

I push back just as hard as he is pushing to get in, willing the force to be with me. My head feels like it’s going to burst at the seams, and I scream in pure pain.This goes on as if it was going to last decades, but with each passing moment I feel my will grow stronger. I would not let Poe die, not now, not ever. He had to get back to BB, and I would make sure of that. When he realizes that he is not going to get the information he wants, he stops, my body sagging from exhaustion. My head was splitting with pain now, and it felt as if my eyes were not going to stay open for much longer. “If you will not give me what I want, I’ll have to go about this another way,” Ben walks to the door, and it slides open two stormtroopers walking in. My heart stops… another way? 

The two stormtroopers take off the restraints and are quick to pull my body off the table and force me to walk towards the door. “Take her to the cell with the other rebel scum,” Ben picks up his helmet quickly to pop the helmet back on. I take in a sharp breath, my legs shaky beneath me, unsure of where this was going. “If they won’t give us what we want, we will torture it out of them,” his robotic voice rings out behind at me as they shove down the hallway to what I can only assume is Poe’s cell. Ben wouldn’t… he wouldn’t… 

We stop in front of a cell and the door slides open to reveal a room much like the one I was already in, with Poe strapped onto a table as well. There’s another table across from him, and the room is even less lit than the one I was in. My eyes catch Poe’s as they shove me into the room and pull me towards the other table. We both say each other’s names at the same time, desperate as we try to pull towards each other. Poe has blood running down his face and a few bruises, and my heart aches for him. I wish that I could stop this, I wish that I could have prevented all of this. They strap in both my hands and feet, and Ben walks over to Poe making sure to secure Poe’s head, a way to keep him looking at me. Poe tries to yank away but there’s not much he can do when his hands and feet are restrained. “P-Poe,” I whisper and his eyes lock onto me, desperate, terrified. I knew where this was going, as a new wave of determination hits me to keep Poe from suffering as little as I can. 

Ben looks at Poe through his mask, “now let’s see if this is enough incentive for you to tell me where the map is,” Ben turns towards me taking a few small strides towards where I’m strapped in. Ben grabs a hold of my hand in his, the glove smooth against my skin. I feel my heart start to race as I look into Poe’s eyes. His eyes are scared, and wide, and I know that it could break him to see this. Slight panic rises into my own chest, unsure of how far Ben would go to receive his information. I could handle pain, my own pain, I could push through this. As for Poe, I wasn’t sure if he could handle watching my pain from the sidelines. 

“Poe, love, I need you to look away, close your eyes, don’t…,” I am stopped mid sentence by a scream leaving my throat, which I quickly swallow by biting into my lip. The grunts of pain held into my throat. Ben bends my index finger all the way back on my left hand, a sickening pop echoing throughout the room. Poe lets out a scream of anger yanking on his restraints in an attempt to get to me. I can see the pain in his eyes as I clamp down onto my lip gulping down my cries of pain. “Poe, I.. I’m okay, just close your eyes okay?” I can barely speak. I had to protect him, in any way I can, and this was the only way I could right now. 

“Give me the map, or another finger will be broken,” my brother speaks matter-of-factly. I shake my head no at Poe, knowing that in the end, no matter how much pain Ben causes me it will be worth it in the end. Poe looks at me with begging eyes, and I know that he would do anything to stop this, but I also know he would do anything for the resistance. I try to portray my words to him, without even saying them. I’m going to be okay. I love you, Poe. I’m sorry. Ben scoffs, and lifts my hand back up so that Poe can see it in his vision, and another painful pop resisnantes in the room, as my pinky is broken next. A whimper gets caught in my throat as I bite even harder into my lip. I can do this… I can do this… I can…   
“You sick fuck, she’s your sister!,” Poe screams, the anger evident in his features as he continues to tug on his restraints. A bad feeling hits my gut as I see Ben’s shoulders stiffen, and I look at Poe through desperate eyes. This was only going to get much worse before it was going to get better. I keep my focus on Poe trying to calm him with only my eyes, letting him know that I’m okay. 

“Poe, close your eyes,” I murmur quietly. I look into Poe’s eyes, trying to focus through the pain and fear, “Remember what you’re fighting for,” the words look like they shake his entire being. He knows what I mean, but yet the words still shock him. My eyes wonder to Ben as I watch him walk over to the table with knives, and other assorted torture instruments lay. He picks up a knife walking back to my side, that looks like a scalpel of some kind used for surgery. I can only imagine the list of things that he can do, and I can see the fear in Poe’s eyes as he keeps them locked on to me. 

“Sweetheart..I fight for you,” Poe keeps his eyes on me as he speaks. I look into his deep eyes, and give him a shaky smile. I felt my heart stop at his words, normally something like that would make my heart leap for joy. It was almost as if he was saying I love you without saying it, without giving Ben any access to what should have been a private moment. Poe’s eyes fall to Ben, and the scalpel in his hand, and his breath hitches in fear. He was sorry. I could see it in his eyes, he felt that this was fault, that he should have protected me. 

“CLOSE YOUR EYES!,” I yelp as Ben takes the knife slicing up the top of my arm, almost as if he’s peeling me like an animal he’s slaughtered. His movements are slow and deliberate as he brings the knife across the top of my arm. I bite into my lip even harder before as the pain radiates through my entire arm, the blood oozing and dripping down to the floor. I try to tug away but this only worsens the pain, making the knife dig even deeper. It could be worse… it could be worse… it could be worse…   
“She was Ben Solo’s sister, Ben Solo is dead,” Ben doesn’t even look at me as he turns to look at Poe, waiting expectantly for a response. Poe chokes on air as he looks over my beaten and tattered form, but is able to nod no, every movement pained. Ben walks steadily and calmly back towards the table setting the now soiled knife down and then walks back over next to me. “Hmm,” Ben muses looking between the two of us, he nods towards the trooper standing by the door. Ben holds out his gloved hand the trooper gingerly handing over what I notice to be a taser stave. I swallow thickly, knowing just how much more painful this was going to be. I’ve been shocked by one of those before, and it could kill you fairly quickly. The thought of being shocked with the stave fills me with pure dread. I try to remind myself that this was not the first time I’ve been shocked by one, that if I could do it once, I can do it again.

Ben takes the weapon in his hands, quick to power it up, the sound vibrating in my skull as I mentally prepare myself for the shock. I looked into Poe’s eyes, my lip trembling, I was trying so hard to be strong for him. Ben lifts my shirt, to reveal my side, and before I can even process what’s about to happen he presses the taser against my side. I can’t help it as a scream leaves my lips, and I bite into my lip so hard that it starts to the bleed. The pain is unbearable, as my body shakes visibly from the shock. I can’t hear anything over the sound of the pain, I even think Poe is screaming but I can’t tell. After what feels like forever the pain finally ends, as Ben pulls away, and I feel my side throb in pain. I try to force my eyes to stay open, the exhaustion coursing through my entire body.

I tremble as my body sags forward, unable to even look up at Poe now. It felt like all of the energy left my body. “You fucking asshole,” Poe’s voice rings out through the room and again the stave is back at my side, in the same spot and I bite down my whimpers, hot tears running down my cheeks. This was most definitely the worst pain I have ever been through, darkness is ebbing its way into my vision, as Ben holds the taser to my side for what it feels like centuries. I know Poe is screaming now as Ben slowly pulls the stave away, and I muster the energy from my trembling body to look up at Poe. I can feel myself breaking, but I knew I would die before I gave Ben any information on the resistance. I just wish that if he was going to do it, that he would do it already. 

I say it before I even think about it, “P-Poe…please…I can’t..., ” my tone is begging, begging him to stop, begging him to end this. At this point, I would rather die, then endure this any longer. Poe’s eyes fill with tears, one single tear falling, the desperation in his form as he looks for a way out of this.I didn’t mean to say it, I didn’t mean to make Poe feel worse, and I feel terrible for my moment of weakness. 

“P-Please stop,” Poe begs, “please don’t hurt… please don’t hurt her anymore, do what you want to me… but not her,” Poe’s voice breaks, and I swallow back a sob at his words. My entire body ached, and I was exhausted, unsure of how much more I could take. I can see Ben visibly getting angrier by the fact that we would not give him what he wanted. He was shaking in anger, as he dropped the stave and yanks out his lightsaber. The lightsaber was huge, hot with anger as he looked at Poe before turning to me. He takes the saber and is quick to place it against my thigh. The glaring red and angry blade tears through my pants, to the bare skin of my thigh.

I was wrong. 

The stave wasn’t the worst pain I had ever felt. 

I bit into my lip- all the way through, not even able to feel the pain in my lip as Ben presses the heat of the saber against my thigh. My body jerks in its restraints as the pain radiates through my entire body. Poe’s angry and desperate screams ring out through the room, and suddenly everything is silent when Ben pulls away and turns to look at Poe. I can feel the blood drip down my chin from my lips, and I can’t imagine how badly I looked. I glance down at the wound on my thigh, the burn running almost all the way down to my knee. “Give me the map to Skywalker, this is your last warning,” Ben growls, the robotic voice making me sick to my stomach. Would Ben kill me? He still held the saber in his hand, as Poe slowly shakes his head no, a cry catching in his throat as he looks me over. Ben turns back towards me bending down to my eye level, “I am becoming impatient, I will just take what I want,” in a moment of anger, for the second time today I gather the blood in my mouth and spit it onto his mask. He recoils back in disgust letting out a huge huff of anger. He turns off his saber, and turns holding out his hand. Before I can say anything Poe’s screams of pain echo through the room.

Hot tears spill from my eyes as I yank so hard on my restraints that I can feel them cutting into my wrists, “Ben stop!,” I scream, “Please stop!”. Poe’s eyes roll back into his head, and I gasp for breath as his screams of pain move through my entire being. This was much worse than any of the things that Ben did to me. “Poe,” I whimper through my small sobs, as Ben finally brings his hand down, and Poe’s body sags, as his eyes slowly close. “Poe, no, Poe please wake up,” I whimper. 

“Pathetic,” Ben spits not turning to look at me, “even now, as he suffers, you are at the forefront of his mind,”. He turns to look at me through his mask, and I glare at him, anger flowing through my entire body. It was one thing to hurt me, but to watch Poe suffer sent my mind in a frenzy of rage. He takes a few steps closer to me, his movements stiff and angry. He kneels down to my level, “someday Solo, you will realize the power of the darkside, and the weakness of your precious little resistance,”. He stands up straight using the force to pull the taser back into his hand and strides towards the door with the stormtroopers behind him, and I watch him go speechless. The doors slides closed and I turn my attention back to Poe who is limp in his restraints. It feels as if the past few moments were a dream, something that wasn’t real, but as the ache and pains of the injuries on my body throb, I realize that we were not in some nightmare. This was shockingly real, and I had to get us out of this. 

“P-Poe, wake up, please…,” still no response from him. I close my eyes using my emotions to focus on the force around me. I had to get us out of here, before Ben killed us both. I let my mind focus on the restraints, and letting the force flow through, hoping that this was enough. I try to focus on the silence, on Poe’s distant breathing, the force itself. I try to let it all calm me, lead me to the path I need to go. It’s seconds later and both the restraints on my arms, and legs loosen, I fall forward onto my knees. I grunt in pain, reaching up to wipe the blood on my chin with my arm. I suck in a large breath trying to gather the strength to stand and go to Poe. I stand on shaky legs, and immediately they give out on me as my leg screams out in pain. I’m on my knees again, trying to level out my breathing so that I can make it over to Poe. Alright… no walking. I start to make a slow crawl over to Poe, and stop to rest as I finally make it in front of him. I grab the edges of the table he’s strapped into, and force my way up to my feet. I make sure to put all of my weight to my uninjured leg. I glance over his form, eyes growing wet at the sight of him. I’m so sorry Poe, that my brother did this to you. I’m gentle as I shake him, trying to bring him back to me, “Poe, please…,” I can’t help the tears that fall after everything that has happened.

His eyes slowly flutter open, and he mutters, “P-Princess…,” I let out a small cry of relief as I focus again to release him from his restraints. I was so happy to see his beautiful brown eyes staring back at me. It only takes a few seconds and he falls forward against me, and I am quick to catch him as he leans his head into my chest. It was taking all of my energy to hold us both up, my entire body trembling. He was always my support though, something stable in my life and I would be that for him regardless of what I was going through. 

“I’ve got you,” I murmured through my tears as I tried my best to hold his body up. I ran my free hand through his curls as he breathed heavily. It takes him a few moments to gather his strength, and he starts to slowly stand up looking me over. His eyes are vulnerable, sad, and worried as they glance over me. With each wound he glances at he becomes more upset, unable to conceal his worry. 

“I’m supposed to take care of you,” he mumbles standing on his own two feet and I release a humorless laugh. Even after being knocked out, tortured, and his mind being dug through, he still was worried about me.   
“Are you…,” we both start at the same and I shut my mouth to let him continue. 

“Are you okay?” he asks as he brushes a few loose strands from my face. I lean my body forward against him letting out a groan. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to place my focus on the task at hand: getting out of here. I stand on my two feet, and Poe wraps a secure arm around my shoulders keeping me steady. I glance around the room and my eyes land on the multiple torture devices. “Princess?” Poe mutters quietly turning my face to look at him, “are you okay?”. I knew it was because he cared, but we didn’t have time to stop and have a conversation about it. We had to get out of here before Ben or the stormtroopers returned. 

I nod slowly, and I halt at the sudden presence, “there’s someone coming,” I panic limping over to the table with torture instruments. Poe is on my heels, slightly confused and keeping his hands out to catch me if I fall. I pick up one of the clean knives and Poe becomes even more unhinged. 

“What?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“It’s just that… I don’t think that a small knife would be much against a blaster,” he gestures at the knife in my hand. I managed a small smirk and limped back towards the door standing at the side to wait for the person coming. All we had to do is catch said person by surprise, if I could do that then maybe we had a chance. 

“Anything can be a weapon if you’re creative enough,” I murmur glancing back at him with a finger on my lips. He nods in understanding, but looks at me admiringly before turning his attention to the door. I feel the prescence coming close just as the door slides open and I jump into action, I tackle the person from behind holding the knife to his neck. What I now realize is a stormtrooper drops his blaster, his hands up in the air in panic. Poe is quick to grab the blaster holding it up to point it at the trooper.   
“W-Wait,” the stormstrooper’s voice trembles and he continues, “I-I’m here to help you!,”. I narrow my eyes, shoving his body forward and he almost falls to his knees. I hold out my knife up, and Poe holds the blaster steadily as he takes a few steps closer to the stormtrooper. 

“Alright then,” I scoff, “help us then,”. The trooper slowly lowers his hands to remove his helmet, revealing a dark male, with short hair, and brown eyes. As I meet his eyes, I feel something shift inside, as if I know that he’s telling me the truth. “Why would you help us?” I ask, stepping closer with Poe at my side. Poe nods in agreement, just as confused as I am. The trooper holds the helmet at his side, and lets out a small breath looking into my eyes.   
“Because it’s the right thing to do,” I look at Poe when the trooper says this and Poe nods before looking away from me.

“You need a pilot?” Poe guesses out loud, and I raise an eyebrow looking between the two. Finn looks between us, thinking of his words before speaking again.

“I need a pilot,” he confirms, “can you fly a TIE fighter?”. 

Both Poe and I scoff speaking at the same time, “I can fly anything,”. I chuckle looking at Poe who has the same look of amusement as I do. Poe lowers his blaster gesturing it towards the stormtrooper, “Let’s do this,”. The trooper takes it nodding, and slides his helmet back on with his other hand. I drop the knife in my hand back on the table, and shift my feet trying to ignore the discomfort in my limbs. 

The stormtrooper points the blaster at our backs, and we make our way out of the room and down the hallways to get to the TIE fighters. I look over at Poe, who seems too focused on the task at hand to notice my glance. I decide that I need to focus as well and look forward as we make our way through the First Order base. The corridors are dark, only the red lights on the walls lighting up our features. There’s still a limp in my step, but thanks to the adrenaline I hardly even notice the pain. 

“Okay, stay calm. Stay calm,” Poe and I both cut our eyes back to look at him in annoyance. We both were calm, we were used to situations like these, I had a feeling that he was not. I probably couldn’t count on both hands how many times we’ve been in this kind of situation, him being a commander and I being second in command. 

“I am calm,” both Poe and I say together. My brown eyes look at him, cracking a small grin, which he mirrors. 

“I’m talking to myself,” at those words we both turn to look at him in annoyance. It was then that it was confirmed for me that this trooper indeed was not used to these forms of situations. Did he not think this through?! “Not yet,” he says quietly, as Poe and I ready ourselves to carry out the plan. I feel slightly nervous, but we have made it this far so hopefully our luck will last. “Okay, go. This way,”. All three of us try to force ourselves into the ship, Poe of course as always in the driver's seat. It’s a bit crowded, especially since the ship is meant for two people but we make it work. 

“I’ve always wanted to fly one of these things,” Poe says excitedly, and I can’t help but roll my eyes as I take a seat in front of the shooters. The trooper just stands there nervously taking off his helmet watching us start up the ship, and get ready. “Padme, you think you can figure out these shooters?” Poe says looking back at me and I smile. I almost want to scoff at his question, my father was the great smuggler Han Solo, and he taught me well alongside my Uncle Chewie.

“I can figure out anything,” he looks at me almost as if he wants to say something else but shakes his head instead. The lights come on in the ship radiating red onto our skin. We start to try to fly off, but the ship is tugged back down, which leads me to believe that it is connected to some form of wire. Both the trooper and I look at Poe in panic unsure of what to do now. 

“I can fix this,” Poe mumbles, putting more power into the fighter trying to break the wire. The first order starts shooting us trying to take us down, so I start to aim and fire back. I hear loud explosions as I shoot the missiles at the troopers and soldiers. “I got it,” Poe says, hitting a switch and finally the ship detaches. I scream out in excitement, proud of the best pilot in the resistance. We’re out of here as quickly as possible as Poe’s voice shakes from the speed of the ship, “This thing really moves!”. I laugh at his happiness as we swerve around the ship, “We gotta take out as many of these cannons as we can, or we’re not gonna get very far,” I nod in agreement taking aim. 

“I’m gonna get us in position,” he says pressing buttons furiously. “Just stay sharp, sweetheart,”. I press some buttons as I start to aim the shooters, and my eyes flick around trying to lock in on my target. 

“I always am,” I chuckled, my eyes scanning around me. 

“I know,” he replies, “Up ahead! Up ahead! You see it? I got us dead center, it’s a clean shot,”.

“Yes I got it dear,” I mutter rolling my eyes. I aim the missile, and within seconds the missiles are taking out the cannons. All three of us scream in excitement. 

“I told you I had it!” I giggle. 

“I could kiss you right now!” my heart skips a beat and I want to jump out of my seat and kiss him right there but we have company. Also, I had to keep an eye out for any more first order threats. Now is not the time.The kiss would have to wait…

We start to fly away, and Poe turns his attention to our new friend, “hey, what’s your name?” 

The trooper sighs, “FN-2187,”.

I’m sure Poe and I both have the same confused expression as Poe mumbles, “F...What?” 

“That’s the only name they ever gave me,”. I felt my heart sink at that, I never thought of what life was life for these troopers that we fight. I never thought of them as people, but as I turned to look at the young man behind me, I realized they were people, just like us. 

“Well, I ain’t using it. F-N, huh?” I smile at Poe as he speaks. “Finn. We’re gonna call you Finn. Is that all right?” 

“Finn,” the trooper says smiling for the first time, “yeah Finn, I like that. I like that.” 

“I’m Poe. Poe Dameron,”. 

“And I’m Padme Solo,”. 

“Good to meet you, Poe, Padme,” Finn says. 

“Good to meet you too, Finn,” Poe and I again say at the same time. 

We couldn’t celebrate for very long though, because of course they have more weapons. Poe is quick to dodge the fire, and I am even quicker to get ready to shoot back, “One’s coming towards you! My right! Your left,” Poe screams over the noise and I nod, not bothering with trying to speak over the noise. “Do you see it?” Finn is over my shoulder looking with me, and he points. 

“I see it,” Finn says and I nod in agreement.

“I got this Poe,”

“Of course,” Poe says as if he’s rolling his eyes at me. I take my shot, and of course I don’t miss, leading Poe to praising me, “Nice shot,”. I laugh at the comment as Poe takes the route back to Jakku.   
“Where are we going?” Finn panics.

“We’re going back to Jakku, that’s where,” I internally groaned at the mention of the awful planet, but I know that we need to go back for BB8. Being on a planet like Jakku really makes you hate sand and the heat. 

“No! We can’t go back to Jakku,” Finn screams. 

“We can and we will,” I yell back. 

“We need to get out of this system,” Finn asserts once again, but I can tell that Poe isn’t listening. 

“I gotta get my droid before the first order does,”. 

“What, a droid?”

“That’s right, he’s a BB unit, orange and white. One of a kind,”. I nod in agreement at this, there was no replacing BB, and not to mention we need that map. All in all, it was necessary to go back to Jakku, and as fast as we could. 

“I don’t care what color he is!” 

I feel my irritation growing by the minute, “I don’t care what you care about!”. 

“No droid can be that important,” Finn tries to reason with us again.

“This one is, pal,” Poe says making his way towards Jakku. 

“We gotta get as far away from the first order as we can. We go back to Jakku and we die,” Finn is almost screaming at this point. 

“That’s a risk we’re going to have to take,” I say shaking my head and keeping an eye for the first order. The heaviness of the words hit me, knowing full well that both Poe and I were willing to die for the resistance. 

“That droid has a map that leads straight to Luke Skywalker,” the mention of my uncle brings hope into my chest. Uncle Luke can help us, and I know that, we need this map.The resistance needs this map, and by creator, we are going to get it. 

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me,” Finn grunts as our TIE fighter takes a direct hit. I scream in fear, as the ship spirals out of control going towards Jakku. 

“POE!” I’m out of my seat in seconds, but before I could all I could see was darkness.   
***


	3. Back to Jakku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme finds herself back on Jakku alongside Finn, but where's Poe? Padme and Finn continue their journey to find BB8 where they find not only their droid but an unexpected friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally Rey and Padme meet! No warnings for this chapter except maybe some cursing. Again, I do not own Star Wars just my character Padme Solo. I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter! This will be the last one for today, but I will be posting once weekly so expect a new chapter next Tuesday. May the force be with you!

Chapter 3: Back to Jakku

I stand up after the strategy meeting, feeling fully motivated for this next mission. It was simple, just a supply run but my mother was finally letting me out of her sight after all these years. Sure, I was training to become her second in command, in making decisions, but she was so protective that I rarely ever left the base. It was nice to finally feel useful to the resistance, even with something so small. I’m obviously not paying attention, lost in my thoughts when my body collides with a more solid body than my own. I stumble on my feet trying to catch myself, but to no avail as I almost hit the concrete floor. 

Suddenly two strong, steady arms gently grasp my shoulders, catching my fall, and lifting me up. “I’m so so sorry..” I mumble looking up at the man towering over me. I feel my heart stop in my chest looking up at the man. I knew his name. Everyone did, he was the best pilot in the resistance. The pilot of which had caught my eye more than once. 

“I- uh…”

“No worries, princess,” he smirks, obviously seeing the flustered state I’m in. Poe Dameron is taller than me by at least a foot it feels, and his dark hair is curly on top of his head. I blush under the glance of his chocolate brown eyes, god why was I so nervous? I’m a princess for crying out loud! I was training to be second in command to my mother, the general. Yet… my heart beats rapidly in my chest standing this close to him. 

“I’m Poe,” he decides to speak again, “Poe Dameron,”. 

“I- well I…”

“You’re Padme, right?” He smiles even brighter now. 

All I can do is nod and mutter my name under my breath, “Padme Solo…” 

~~~  
When I wake my entire body aches in discomfort, and it takes me a minute for my eyes to settle with the bright sun burning down on me. I sit up slowly feeling pain shoot through my body once again. I look down at my now sand and blood covered outfit and sigh. I really hate sand. On top of the wounds I already had from being tortured by my brother, there are more from the fall of the TIE fighter. I look around briefly unsure of where I was and where… Poe! I’m up in seconds when I think of Poe, but all I see is Finn who also has just woken. He gets on his feet as well unclipping the parachute from himself as I make my way towards the smoking ship. I wonder why I had flown so far along with Finn away from the ship, and wondered momentarily if he had grabbed a hold of me in the last few seconds before everything went dark. It seems that Finn may have saved my life. I remind myself mentally to thank him later, when we find my pilot. “Poe,” I yelled running towards the ship in a more hurried fashion. I felt myself panicking as I saw him nowhere to be found. 

Finn was right behind me, screaming Poe’s name as we both panicked. How could this happen?! We had it handled… 

When we finally make it to the ship I reach out for the familiar jacket I see hoping that Poe is in it. Before I could though Finn pulls me back, “Whoah whoah, I got him, you’re going to burn yourself,” Finn assures grabbing the jacket. Through my panic I let him grab at the jacket, only to watch him pull it out empty. My heart literally feels like it’s breaking as Finn tries to look in the ship to see Poe, but there wasn’t much more he could do as the ship starts to sink in the sand. This couldn’t be happening… no… 

“No! No no no…,” I cry out reaching out but Finn grabs me by the shoulders and I fight against him as he pulls us away from the ship. I cry out as we watch the ship sink, with the man I love in it. The man I never even got to tell….

“N-No…,” I whimpered, falling to my knees and hiding my face in my hands. I began to sob as sand exploded in front of us sending a wave towards us. I don’t budge though, unable to find it in me to even care. Finn is gasping for air as he turns towards my slumped over body, I didn’t want to believe Poe was gone. Part of me could sense him, but how would I know? The force was never there when I needed it, because I would never let it in. I could have saved Poe, we could have avoided all of this. Now he’s gone. I could have used the force to save the man I loved, but I was too afraid. I feel the sand slightly shift as Finn kneels down in front of me. I don’t even bother to look at him, as my body shakes with ugly sobs. 

“Padme, we have to keep moving,” he says softly, careful to not push me even more over the edge. I have never felt like this before, not even when Ben or my father left. The one man that has always been there for me, the stable rock in my life, was gone. Forever. Ben had gotten his wish, he wanted to kill Poe and he did. 

“I never got to tell him, Finn..,” I gasp through my sobbing.

“Tell him what?” Finn asks, and I take my face out of my hands to look at him. His dark eyebrows are furrowed in confusion. Of course, he wouldn’t understand what I mean. He had only been around us for mere moments, before he could see how we were around each other. 

“How I feel about him,” I fall forward, and Finn catches me unsure of how to help or what to say. He’s quiet for a moment, as I lay against his hard armor. Finn pulls me up slowly placing the jacket, Poe’s jacket, into my hands. I rub the familiar texture between my fingers, as I feel more tears run down my hot red cheeks. How could he be gone? Just minutes ago, we were cheering together, on our way to freedom...

“I have a feeling that he knew,” Finn speaks softly, and I give him a confused glance. He was right of course, if he could see it in the small amount of time around us, maybe Poe knew too. I look up at him nodding, as I wipe away my tears with one of my hands holding the jacket in the other. He was right, Poe had to know how I felt, and he wouldn’t want me to stop fighting. Not for myself, and not for the resistance, we had to keep going. Finn stood up then giving me a moment to regain my composure, and energy. I find it in myself to push my body up as I slide on the jacket. I recoil into the jacket, taking a huge breath of it. It smells just like him, like oil and spice, something that I wanted to cling on to forever. I was unsure of a lot of things right now, of why Poe was taken from me, or why we were stuck here on this planet but, there was one thing I did know, and that was I wanted to find BB8 as soon as possible, so that we could get off this planet. 

Finn throws his helmet to the side as we start walking and begins to take off his armor to reveal a dark long t-shirt and pants. I imagine he had to be hot in that armor, and clothes, because I was burning up in my short white sleeve, and vest, and pants, not to mention the jacket. I needed the jacket though to protect my skin from the sun. On top of it all, I did not want to deal with a sunburn. My mouth felt awfully dry in this heat, and Finn seems to feel the same way as we trudge our way through this terrible desert. We both stop at the top of a hill panting, eyeing the town of villagers down below. We look at each other as if we were both thinking the same thing, there has to be water down there. 

We make our way down the hill towards the village, but he seems to be moving faster than me. It has been a long day, and I’m trying to push through the exhaustion but the sticky heat sure isn’t helping. Not to mention now that the adrenaline is wearing off, I could feel all of my injuries ten fold. I can’t wait to make it back to the base, and get to a medical droid. We make it to the village and Finn starts begging random individuals for water, but they all seem to just be ignoring us. I stop to see a pit of water, with a huge disgusting looking beast drinking from it. At first I recoil at the idea, but Finn doesn’t even stop to think about it as he spots it. He’s over there faster than ever, cupping water into his mouth. Finn grimaces and gags at first, but continues to drink anyway. I sigh knowing I needed the water and got next to him to cup some water into my mouth as well. 

I nearly puked at the taste of the water, which tasted of sweat and whatever other flavor I couldn’t put a finger on. The beast knocks Finn down, and Finn bumps into me leaving us both falling to the ground. I groan, but I also feel slightly better after getting some water into me. Both of our heads turn at the sound of someone struggling, but I also hear something else faintly familiar. “BB” I proclaim in excitement getting on my feet, both Finn and I run towards the girl who is struggling to protect him. I see BB8 moving around trying to get out from under the cloth that was thrown over him. I run to BB as she fights off the thugs from the village, I take off the cloth and BB8 beeps in excitement at the sight of me. I can’t help but smile after the loss I have had today, at least I still had a part of Poe. 

Finn is right behind me as the girl with brown hair turns to us, she points her stuff at us quickly, “Who are you?!” BB8 beeps in recognition letting her know that he knows me, and that I won’t hurt her. She nods briskly, looking us both over, “I’m Rey,”. I looked her over noticing how slim she was, and how tattered her clothes were. Her brown hair was in three buns on the back of her head, probably to keep the hair from her eyes. When I look into her eyes, something shifts in me, like I’ve known her my entire life. It’s difficult to explain this knowing feeling that she and I will be close in the near future. 

“Finn,”. 

“Padme,”. 

BB looks at me expectantly and looks around, to try to see if he can find Poe. I can’t find it in me to say it out loud though and I look away through my glazed over eyes. Rey looks between the three of us and says, “Where’s his master?” Where is Poe? That’s a good question. Discomfort hits my gut at the thought of telling BB8 that Poe was gone, and probably not coming back. I was never the best at giving bad news, but it was even harder when it was about someone of whom I cared so much for. 

I still can’t speak as my chest tightens in pain, this was an entirely new kind of loss for me.I just wanted to forget about it, but I knew I would never want to forget Poe. He brought the love and happiness into my life, that I had lost so long ago after my brother. I reach up to the silver dice around my neck that he gave to me not too long ago as a birthday gift. I play with them in my fingers, trying to avoid this conversation. After my long silence Finn decides that he will say it, “He and Padme were captured by the first order. I helped them escape, but our ship crashed,” he looks at BB8 before finishing his sentence, “Poe didn’t make it,” the words sounded so wrong out loud, part of me still wondering how we got out of this but he didn’t. BB8 groans, the sadness evident in his features. I come close to him patting his head, in complete despair. 

“I know, buddy,” I whisper. 

Rey looks at me noticing my sorrow, and so does Finn so he speaks again, “I tried to help you, Padme, I”m sorry,” BB rolls into my form seeking out comfort from someone he knows, for a moment but then decides to roll away. I watch him, swallowing back tears that threaten to come.Now was not the time to give into my emotions, not when we still had a mission to achieve. 

Rey glances between the two of us, “So you’re with the resistance?”

“Obviously,” Finn is quick to answer and I turn to glare at him but before I could speak against it he’s on his feet speaking, “Yeah we are, we are with the resistance yeah,”. I shake my head rolling my eyes, wondering why in the world he would want to lie about this. I know being a stormtrooper in the past is not something exactly to be proud of, but lying doesn’t seem the right course of action either. 

“I’ve never met a resistance fighter before,” she smiles looking impressed. I groaned annoyed, we did not have time for this. We need to get out of here before the First Order finds us. I’m sure that some scum bag on this planet has already alerted them of our presence. 

“Guys, I think we should go, this is really important,” I grumbled and they both looked at me. For a moment I think that they’re listening to me, but Rey bright eyed as ever continues to speak again. 

“BB says he’s on a secret mission,” Rey says almost way too happily. It was nice to see someone so enthusiastic, and doe eyed even, but right now this was urgent. I had a goal to get off this planet and back to my mother.  
“Yes that means-,” before I can say anything else Finn cuts me off. 

“He has the map to Luke Skywalker, and everyone is after it,”. I huff in annoyance at his boldness, with how many people are around there’s no telling who heard him. We already started a disturbance with those thugs who wanted BB8, we probably have all kinds of ears and eyes on us. 

“Finn!,” 

“Luke Skywalker?” Rey whispers in awe, “I thought he was a myth,”. I could sense trouble coming and I was getting more frustrated by the minute. BB8 comes back to us beeping quite stressed, and I sigh. “What?” Rey panics. They were here, the First Order and we didn’t have much time before they were coming at us. 

“They’re here,” I’m quick to grab both of their arms, “We have to get out of here now,” they both nod fiercely. We turn to run the other way as Finn grabs both of our hands, I notice how wrong it feels, it not being Poe’s hand in mine. I continue anyway, because we have to get out of here. Rey is not so welcoming to it though, as she yells in protest but Finn just pulls us along BB8 hot on our trail. The troopers start shooting their blasters at us and we dodge the best that we can. Rey rips her hand from Finn’s claiming she can get away on her own and I let go as well, following her. She knows Jakku better than either of us, I trusted her to get us out of here. 

It’s so loud as I try to scream at BB to move faster, we have to get out of this. Poe lost his life coming for BB8 and I would get BB8 out of here with the map no matter what. Again, we are surrounded by chaos of villagers, running for their lives. I can’t help but wonder if there will ever be a day where I can stop running. Rey stops in a random hut taking deep breaths, “they’re shooting at all three of us,”. 

I look over at Finn who scratches his neck nervously, “Yeah. They saw you with us. You’re marked,” Rey looks at us angry as both Finn and I look for weapons of some kind. I didn’t mean to get her involved, but the moment she protected BB8, it was too late for her anyway. They knew she was with the droid, the droid that my brother desperately wants in his grasp. 

“Well, thanks for that,” she mutters and I looked at her guilt filling my veins. Another person that didn’t need to be involved, was involved. I could feel the force radiating off of her though, Rey was important. I almost feel as if the force brought us three together. Either way, she was involved now, it was her choice to stay if she chose so.

“Isn’t there a damn blaster anywhere?” I grunt looking rapidly through the mess of the tent. Rey bends down to talk to BB8 when we hear a noise coming from above and I groan. Finn quickly shushes us, and I keep reminding myself that we have to keep going no matter what comes at us. Finn grabs our hands again, and Rey protests, as if the touch of Finn would burn her or something. I could almost laugh if I wasn’t so stressed out. We run out of the tent, but a loud explosion goes off behind us sending us all flying forward. I almost feel like I can’t even get up this time, unsure if my body could take much more. My eyelids flutter a couple of times as I try to focus my vision, that was now all hazy. I feel for the poor medical droid that has to deal with all of my wounds, if I so happen to survive all of this. 

I force myself up though along with Rey as we go over to Finn, who is knocked out. Rey shakes his body trying to wake him, “Hey,”. He grunts in pain looking between the two of us. I can see concern in his eyes upon his waking up, as I glance over his body to check for any serious injuries. He seems remotely okay, mostly just bruised up probably. 

The first words out of his mouth are, “Are you okay?” Rey looks shocked by the question, but I just nod, catching on to Finn’s caring behavior, I wasn’t really surprised by anything that he does. My head is throbbing from how loud everything is as Rey leads us from the fire. There is way too much going on, I feel so overwhelmed with everything that has happened today but I continue to push myself forward in an attempt to stay alive. 

“We can’t outrun them!” Finn screams in distress, and out of breath. 

“We might be in that quadjumper!” Rey exclaims. Finn looks at me, the question obvious in his eyes, can I fly this thing? I nod as Finn points towards a different direction and I follow his finger to see what he sees. My father’s ship! Both relief and dread fill me at the sight of his ship,and I know that I will not leave this ship behind. 

“Uh, what about that ship?” Finn asks, and I was about to answer before Rey interrupts me. 

“That one’s garbage,” she hollered over all the noise and I grimaced feeling slightly insulted for my father. Sure, it didn’t look the best but that ship got us out of a lot of sticky situations. 

“It is not,” I start running towards it, “If anything can get us out of here it’s this ship!” The two of them are reluctant but have no other choice when the jumper is taken out by the stormtroopers fire. I continue my run towards the falcon, the two staring at the destroyed jumper for a moment.

“The garbage will do,” Rey grunted, turning back towards where I’m running and Finn followed. I look at the poor forsaken ship, afraid of what this means for my father. I know that he was alive, because I could sense it, but that is all I really know. I point towards the gunner position as we rush on, following Rey to pilot the ship. Finn decided to follow my order of going to the gunner, and I sat next to Rey as we started pressing buttons, and messing with switches trying to get the millennium falcon to wake up. 

“You ever fly this thing?” Finn asks over all the noise and I snicker as Rey answers him. 

“No! This ship hasn’t flown in years,” I look at her in disbelief and shake my head. My dad must be pissed that the falcon has been out of his grasp for so long. The only way I could see this ship leaving his position is if it was stolen. 

“Don’t worry Finn, I’ve flown it before,” I assure and Rey turns to look at me in surprise. I’ve co-piloted in this ship for my father and Chewy multiple times. My dad taught me almost everything I know. Although I was not in the pilot seat a whole lot, my dad didn’t trust me quite enough to do that. 

“You have?!” 

“Mhm,” is my only reply as the ship comes to life. “Now let’s get out of here!” I hear Finn struggling with the gunner and can’t help my loud laugh. I knew personally how difficult that thing could be, this was a beautiful and reliable ship, but not the easiest to deal with. 

“I can do this, I can do this…” Rey whispered to herself and I grasped her hand quickly.

“We can do this, I promise,” I give her a small smile and she gives me a grateful one as I release her hand. I woop as the ship starts to rise from the ground, but then groan when it starts to fall back down to the ground. “Come on baby, you can do this,” I say rubbing the controls as if she could hear me. At these words the ship is back up off the ground, and I cheered in joy. My father’s ship never lets me down!

I got excited too soon though, because as soon as I cheered the whole ship tilted and the side of it hit the ground. Rey and I both grunt in surprise as we both try to get the ship back up into the sky. The ship does this a couple more times, but finally we are able to get it up and into the sky. I almost wanted to scream in relief, but I was afraid to do so, afraid that I would be proven wrong again. Fortunately though, the ship did stay in the air and we are off soaring through the sky. 

“Wait, stay low! Hey, stay low!” 

“What?” Rey replies in frustration. 

“It confuses their tracking,” Finn finishes into his mic. 

“BB8, hold on,” Rey looks back at him and he chirps in reply. We both go to work getting the ship back lower away from the first order ships. “We’re going low,” Rey looks at me and nods as she speaks. The ship speeds up sending BB8 spiraling all over the place. I look around at the old and dusty ship, wondering how it got here when I heard shots coming into our direction. It was when the falcon takes another hit that Rey chooses to express our concerns, “What are you doing back there? Are you ever gonna fire back?”   
I nod in agreement, “Pull it together, Finn!” The ship could be difficult, but it isn’t that difficult. I peek back to see BB8 clinging to the sides of the ship, trying not to fly around as we dodge our enemies. 

“I’m working on it! Are the shields up?” 

“I got it,” I replied, flipping some switches, get us at least some protection. I hear Finn trying to finally take some shots, and I sigh in relief. We aren’t completely vulnerable, maybe we will get out of Jakku. 

“We need cover, quick!” 

“We’re about to get some,” Rey replies and I look at her confused when she speaks again, “I hope,”. I scan the empty desert in hopes that maybe I can figure this out when I see dozens of wrecked ships and I turn to her. 

“Through there,” I suggest and she looks hesitant but then nods realizing this may be the only way to get away from these maniacs. We dodge another ship, trying to lose them, when Finn hits one of them with a direct hit. I root in excitement at Finn’s shot, realizing how good of a team we have been so far. 

“Nice shot,” Rey acknowledges. 

“Uh, the cannon’s stuck in forward position. I can’t move it. You guys gotta lose him,” Finn stresses, and I look at Rey who looks absolutely stressed out, probably the same look that I have on my face. Again I point at a ship, which we could probably fit through there, it would be a tight fit, but maybe we could lose them long enough to get off this planet. 

“Hold on Finn,” I scream, “It’s about to get a bit tight,” I push some buttons as Rey directs us towards the ship. We dive into the corpse of the ship, and I can hear Finn groan. I roll my eyes at him, almost laughing at his doubt. 

“Are we really doing this?” 

We try to dodge both the debris of the ship and the fires coming from the TIE fighter. A blast goes off and we fly through the fire of it, making the ship shake from the heat. “Oh, no,” Rey gasps and I look at her in distress. We have to make it out of this, we will make it out of this. She suddenly makes a turn, confusing the trooper behind us but the trooper catches us quickly appearing back behind us. Finn is somehow able to point the gunner straight at the TIE fighter though because in seconds I can hear it exploding behind us. “Now let’s get off this godforsaken planet,” I proclaim. 

“Whoo,” we all cheered, finally exiting the atmosphere. I relax back in exhaustion, thanking the creator for letting me find my father’s ship. Now, all we need to do is find the rebellion, to get this map to my mom. 

***


	4. A Familiar Presence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme, Finn and Rey have gotten away from the First Order only to be caught by someone else. Who has their hold on them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for coming back to read more. I'm sorry this is such a short chapter. No warnings for this chapter. Again I do not own Star Wars or any of its characters except for my character Padme Solo. May the force be with you!

Chapter 4: A Familiar Presence   
I felt relief wash over me as we entered the open space of the never ending galaxy, and I turned in my chair to see BB8 releasing his hold on the ship and falling to the ground. My chest aches, every time I look at him. At the same time it was nice to have something of Poe so close, it also caused me great pain. I never thought I would lose Poe so soon, I always hoped that I could prevent what happened today. Rey looks over at me with concern in her eyes, but before she can speak I shake my head and speak quietly, “Nice flying,”. The last thing I wanted was to break down again in front of everyone. Once we get back to the base, that is when I will allow myself to mourn. As much as I could in the midst of a war anyway. 

She smiles at me, “Nice co piloting  
,”. I nod as Finn clambers toward us ecstatic. If I was honest, I was a copilot for my father in this ship a lot as a teenager. Once I became old enough, before everything went into chaos, he brought me along on his adventures. My mom hated it most of the time, but I loved every second. She mostly just worried, but my dad and I always made it back in one piece. Well, most of the time. My dad was the reason I was able to fly, and shoot the way I could. A lot of friends and family said I was a carbon copy of him, personality wise. It was because of him that I could mostly take care of myself. I missed him dearly, as I looked around at the old ship. 

“That was great guys!” he exclaims.

“Nice shooting,” Rey compliments. Finn looks flustered by the compliment scratching the back of his neck. BB8 rolls up to me, and I set my hand on his head trying to provide some comfort. I know that we were both suffering at the moment, at the loss of his master. They bicker between each other as if they’re having some kind of compliment war. I almost want to roll my eyes, obviously Finn has already accumulated a crush on Rey. I can relate mostly because I remember the first time I saw Poe, I was pretty young. He was very close to my mother, because of his parents being part of the resistance. I was always too scared to talk to him. He was handsome and brave, and I was just a princess who had no experience in the resistance yet. The first time I saw him, a crush bloomed, and that crush turned into well… I guess that didn’t matter now. I turn my focus back onto the matter at hand, getting BB8 and the map back to the resistance. 

“Hey guys,” I try to interrupt but they just keep talking over me. I sigh, I’m just excited as they are that we even made it out of there alive but we had to keep moving. We had to make it to my mother with the map for the resistance. BB8 looks between the three of us, his stress evident as well. We both just wanted to get this mission over with, after all the losses we have had today. I was both mentally and physically exhausted, not to mention my entire body ached. I was pretty sure I had some broken ribs, not to mention the scratches and bruises all over. On top of being tortured, I was also in a crash, my poor body was beaten and tattered. Thank you for that, first order. BB beeps a couple of times trying to get their attention, and only then do they stop talking and look at both of us. It seems that BB8 has more power over them than I do. 

“I know that we made it out alive, but we still have a very important mission here,” I stress while standing on my feet. “We have to get this to the resistance, Luke is our only hope as of right now,”. The two nod at me in agreement, looking at each other. “Poe died for this,” I finally say it out loud, the words stinging. “I will die if I have to, to finish what he started,”. Every single word was the truth, I would die for the resistance. I would die to keep this hope alive, because without hope we have nothing. To me this was the most important thing right now, getting BB8 and the map to my mother. 

Rey stands grabbing me by my shoulders and looking into my eyes with her brown eyes, “We will get this to the resistance, Padme. I promise.'' My eyes glaze over with tears, not feeling alone for the first time since I lost Poe. I wasn’t alone in this, and although I just met Finn and Rey, I felt that I could trust them with my life and this mission. I nod, trying to grin at her but failing after this miserable day. I’ve only known Rey for a short little while, but I already felt so close to her. LIke there was this automatic connection between the two of us. I feel a huge sense of relief at the fact that out of all of the people I could have encountered, it was Rey and Finn that I got to meet. 

“Okay,” I whisper, she releases me as we hear a pipe bursting further into the ship. “Oh shit,” I gasp as Rey follows me to the back where there is steam coming from. “Oh shit, oh shit, can you help me Rey?” She’s right behind me, urgency in both of our movements. I was not about to be poisoned by my dad’s own ship, not today creator. 

“Finn, come on,” Rey presses urgently as we start to move the heavy cover . “Don’t breathe in,” she says mostly to Finn. I wave my hands trying to my best to wave the fumes away from us. More smoke and fumes fill the ship as we start to remove the cover. 

“Whoa, what’s going on?” he says as he helps us pick it up. Rey and I jump in as we start trying to fix the leak. She starts to mess with the pipes, trying her best to evaluate the situation. I’ve noticed that Rey does have a lot of knowledge when it comes to anything technical. 

The ship is beeping, alerting us of the problem, “The motivator,” I look at Rey who nods in agreement as she pops her head back out looking at Finn. Finn looks confused between the two of us, really unsure of what we were talking about. Even as a stormtrooper, he didn’t seem to know a lot about ships. 

“Grab me a Harris wrench, check in there,” Rey says as I cover my mouth to protect myself from the fumes. I hear Finn digging through stuff as I lean against the wall, taking the moment to relax my aching limbs. 

“How bad is it?” Finn asks as Rey comes besides me checking me over with her eyes. 

“If we want to live,” Rey starts.

“Not good,” I finished for her. 

“They’re hunting for us now, we’ve gotta get out of this system!” 

I nod in agreement, “That’s what we’re gonna do Finn, we just gotta fix this and we’re on our way to the base,” I mumble as Rey pops back up grabbing the tool from Finn. She pops back in tightening the pipe and I pop out looking at Finn, “We’re almost done,” I assure. Once we got this fixed, we could continue our journey. 

Rey pops out beside me, “I need a pilex driver, hurry,” I pop back down to look at this mess shaking my head. My father’s poor ship has been through hell and back, and somehow always survives. I just wonder how anyone got his ship away from him, this ship was his home. “So where’s your base?” Rey says looking between Finn and I. 

“The ilenium system,” I look at her and she looks at me with shock on her face. 

“The ilenium system?”

“Yeah, the ilenium system,” Finn speaks with his hands. I roll my eyes, I did wonder how long he was going to go on with this lie. If I could get Rey by herself, I would gladly tell her the truth. We just did not have the time for the drama right now, we had to get to the base. Once we got back to the base, I would make Finn tell Rey the truth. 

“We need to get there as soon as possible,” I say looking down at Rey as she tries to finish fixing the ship. 

“I’ll drop you three at Ponemah Terminal,” she mutters before popping out and speaking again, “I need the bonding tape, hurry!” I see Finn’s face drop, and I feel mine drop as well, I already considered Rey my friend. Why would she want to go back to that awful planet? Not to mention now she was marked now, she wasn’t safe alone. She became part of this as soon as she met BB8 and decided to protect him. If she thought that I was going to let her take my father's ship, she had another thing coming. This was the last thing I had of my father, I had no idea where he was. Who knows, maybe it might bring him back to me. I wasn’t going to let her take it away. 

“Rey,” I start but I’m interrupted.

“What about you?” Finn sounds sad when he asks. 

“I gotta get back to Jakku,” she asserts.

“Back to Jak… Why does everyone wanna go back to Jakku?” Finn blurts.

I furrow my brow looking into Rey’s eyes, “Rey, the resistance could use you. Also.. You won’t be safe. I consider you my friend now, I want to make sure you’re safe,” I think back to how I wasn’t able to keep Poe safe, and now know that I would do my hardest to keep Finn and Rey safe. Rey would never be safe alone, we had to be together, we are stronger together. Strength in numbers. 

“Don’t worry about me,” Rey says pointing at what she needs from Finn and looking away, “It’s not that one. No. No,” she looks back at me briefly, “I can protect myself,”. She looks back at Finn, “No, no, NO! If we don’t patch it up the propulsion tank will overflow and flood the ship with poisonous gas!”. I roll my eyes reaching up to grab the tape myself and handing it to Rey. 

“Rey, you don’t have to be alone,” I hold the tape in her hands for a moment, and she shakes her head taking it. Rey seems to be closed off, and hesitant to let others in, and it made me sad. I look at her, and I see myself in some ways, after everything I’ve been through. She’s been alone for a long time, I know what loneliness looks like, and she wore it. I could feel it coming off of her in huge waves, and I wanted to make it go away. I wanted to make sure that Rey never felt alone again.

“Don’t worry about me, okay, I’ve been alone for as long as I can remember,” she ducks back down into the hole patching up the ship. I try to think of the words to say to convince her to stay with us, but I’m at a loss of words. What could I say to keep her with this? To convince her to come back with me to the base?

“Rey, you're a pilot, you can fly anywhere. Why go back?” Finn tries to assist me in my attempt to convince Rey to come with us. “You got a family? You got a boyfriend? A cute boyfriend?” I almost feel my eyes roll all the way back into my head, really? Out of all the things to say to her, that definitely was not the right thing. 

“None of your business, that’s why,” Rey stands up looking between both us, the irritation obvious in her form. I sigh touching Finn’s arm gently shaking my head. Telling him to stop without any words. Our conversation ended short when all of the lights in the millennium falcon went off, only the faint red glowing. It’s almost as if the ship is powering down, and I feel my heart stop in my chest. When will this day end? Can’t things ever be easy? 

“That can’t be good,” Finn says looking around and I hop out looking around. 

“No, it can’t be,” Rey agrees, hopping out behind me. 

All three of us, with BB trailing behind us race up to the front of the ship. Rey and I sit and start flicking switches trying to get my father’s ship to power back on. Finn stands behind us watching, unsure of what is going on. “Someone’s locked on us,” Rey mutters. I glance up through the window, trying to see what could be locked on us but from where I’m sitting I can’t see anything. 

“We have no control whatsoever,” I panic. We just need to get to the base, why was this so difficult? All three of us look up when we hear a loud clang and Finn climbs between us using Rey and I as something to grip. We both grumble trying to push his hands off of us. I swat at him and edge away from him, as he stands taller looking out the window.

“See anything?” Rey questions looking up at him. 

“Oh no,” Finn whispers. 

“What?” I stand on my feet trying to see what he sees. 

“It’s the first order,” he says lamely getting down between us. Rey and I look at each other and I feel like I’m going to be sick. Finn and I just got away, how was I going to get this to mom if they keep catching us? The anxiety of being back in the presence of my brother, fills my veins. Not only me but, Rey and Finn too, we’d all be put at his mercy. I shiver at the thought of enduring more torture, feeling momentarily seized by fear. 

“What do we do? There must be something?” Rey says looking around at the controls. 

I shrug, what can we do? They have more forces than us, more man power, how can we fight against them? 

“You said poisonous gas,” Finn looks between Rey and I. 

The light bulb in my head comes on and I smile, Finn was a genius!

“I fixed that,” Rey sighs. 

“You can unfix it though,” I speak before Finn can finish his thought and he nods. 

“We can poison them,” Finn says as we all stand up heading towards the back of the ship. BB8 trails behind us as I grab the masks to protect us, and we all three jump back into the hole. Finn jumps in first grabbing BB8 from Rey, and falls over doing so. Rey and I jump in after them, and start to pull the top back over. Finn struggles trying to get BB8 off of him, as Rey and I duck back down trying to ‘unfix,’ the poison. 

“Do you think this will work on the stormtroopers?” Rey questions. 

“Yeah. Their masks filter out smoke, not toxins,” Rey looks at Finn confused when he says this. Probably wondering how he knows so much about the stormtroopers. Finn moves to lift the lid and peak out to see what is going on. I hear footsteps, as Finn puts it back down more urgency in his movements. I stop though, recognizing the presence of the two individuals getting on the ship. 

“W-Wait! Stop,” I mutter moving to move the lid again. 

“What do you mean, stop? It’s the first order,” Finn whispers frantically. 

“No it’s not,” I mutter starting to move the cover, but before I could Finn stops me. 

“How do you know?” he bursts out. 

“I just do,” I assert. 

All three of us glance up as the cover moves, and I’m face to face with the man I haven’t seen in years. I felt my eyes water as I looked up at the older man standing above me, “Dad?”.   
***


	5. It's All True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme is now reunited with her father Han Solo, will he show signs of change and help them? Or will history repeat itself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry guys for the late update! I had to work yesterday, and came home with an awful headache. With that said, I slept a lot because of it. But here you are! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. No warnings except for some cursing, and some ugly creatures. Once again, I do not own Star Wars or its characters. Only my character Padme Solo! May the force be with you.

Chapter 5 The Force 

I’m out of that hole in seconds, ignoring the ache and exhaustion of my body. I throw my arms around his torso, sobbing into his chest. My dad slowly puts his arms around me, unsure of how to react. I hadn’t seen my father since Ben had turned, and having someone so familiar and close to me after the kind of day I had made me sob in relief. I missed him so much, and now somehow I found him again. My body trembled with aching sobs as I continued to cry, “Padme, what’s going on?” he questions petting my hair that was coming out of its buns slowly but surely. “And who are you?” he asks Finn and Rey who I hear climbing out of the vent and standing behind me. I’m hesitant to let go of my father, after being away from him so long. One of the hardest things I’ve ever been through was watching my father walk out o fmy life. Now, not by choice, he was here again. 

“I’m Finn,” 

“And I’m Rey, you’re Padme’s dad?” she asks, sounding slightly confused. 

“That would be me, Han Solo,” his torso moves as he talks. I try to gather my bearings as my dad pulls me away to look at me. He looked me over, concern lining his now aged face. Just like Poe before, with every wound he finds he becomes more worried. His hair was gray now too, he looked so much older and sad now than when I last saw him. He touches my cheek gently looking me over, noticing the cuts and bruises. “What are you doing here? Where’d you find my ship?” he asks me, still checking for any serious injuries. I sniffed wiping at my tears, I almost felt like I was a child again, crying to my dad after a hard day. Although back then, a bad day consisted of an argument between Ben and I, not the death of the love of my life. At the thought of Poe, I almost broke out into tears again, but I pushed the tears back taking in a deep breath. I place my focus into the physical pain that I had, to distract myself from the pain of losing Poe. 

“Wait,” Rey mutters under her breath, and I turn to finally look at her, my dad releasing me. “Han Solo is your dad?! Does that mean this is the…” she looks up wide-eyed and I finish her sentence. 

“Yes, the millennium falcon,”. She nods looking between my father and I. 

“Huh,” she says mostly to herself, “How did I not see the resemblance?” 

“You didn’t answer my question,” my dad turns me to look at him. “How’d you find my ship, and why are you here?” I clear my throat, trying to think on my words. This was a long explanation, I needed to think of the shortest version possible. We didn’t have time to talk through every detail. I had a mission to finish, no matter what it takes. 

I try to think of the shortest version, but honestly I wasn’t sure where to begin. “We found it at Niima Outpost,” I manage to finally say. What am I supposed to say? `Oh hey dad, yeah I was sent on this super important mission, with the love of my life, and well we got captured by my brother, your son, but we escaped with a STORMTROOPER, yet somehow how the love of my life didn’t survive, and now here we are,’. There really was no casual way to explain this situation. 

“Jakku? That junkyard?” he says exasperated. Well, he isn’t wrong. 

“Thank you, junk yard!” Finn says looking at Rey pointedly. Rey ignores his comment, keeping her attention on my dad, looking completely fascinated. She seems so young, her excitement so fresh, it was nice to see some light in the darkness of the galaxy. Part of me hopes that I can show her the galaxy if she allowed me. She finds fascination and beauty in almost all things, I’d love to see her reaction to the beautiful parts of the galaxy. 

“Told you we should have double-checked the Western Reaches,” my dad exclaims towards Chewie, who only grunts in reply. “Who had it? Ducain?” my dad looks between the three of us. I looked at Rey hoping for answers, I honestly wasn’t too sure. I knew where we were, but I didn’t know anyone on that planet. I used to fly around with my dad, but it was so long ago I couldn’t remember any names. Rey would also know more about Jakku and the individuals that inhabit it. 

“We stole it from Unkar Plutt,” Rey answers quickly. “He stole it from the Irving Boys, who stole it from Ducain,”. 

“Who stole it from me!” My dad grumbles and I grab his leather jacket urging him to look at me, again as if I was still a child. My dad’s tone softens when he looks down at my frame, “What is it kiddo?” I hesitate before I speak, unsure of how to ask him for help. He has been running from this, my mom, me, Ben, all of it. It was going to be difficult to pull him back into this world, into the war. He’s been doing his own thing for so long, running, how do I convince him to help me when he willingly walked away from me? The past really could hold you back, and now I’m starting to figure out that if you let it hold you back, you won’t be able to live life to the fullest. I stretch my fingers, flinching at the ache of the broken ones, and let out a breath. I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. That much was sure. 

“Dad, we need to get to mom, we have the map to Uncle Luke,” I’m speaking urgently. I was so happy to see my dad, but I also knew that mom was waiting on us. Rey gapes at me, still shocked by the fact that Han was my father, and Luke was my uncle. He nods listening to me as we walk back towards the front of the ship. He seems to be in deep thought, I wondered mildly if he was angry with Uncle Luke, and how he felt about seeing mom again. He stops in the front looking out the window with a smile lit up on his features. Rey and Finn follow behind us stopping when we do. I know that he’s remembering old times, maybe with my mom or Uncle Luke, or maybe with Ben and I. Either way, I think he’s thinking back on good times. 

My dad’s smile drops when he takes a glance down at the controls, “Some moof-milker put a compressor on the ignition line!” He looks at me and then Rey, and I shrug because Rey was the one who did the piloting. I was only the copilot. Although, it doesn’t surprise me, knowing the idiots that stole the ship in the first place. They wouldn’t know how to fix a ship to save their lives, but Rey on the other hand could fix anything it seems. 

“Unkar Plutt did,” Rey begins looking at my dad, “I thought it was a mistake, too. Puts too much…” 

“Stress on the hyperdrive,” my dad finishes for her. I smile at the interaction between the two, feeling happy that they were mostly getting along. My dad sighs looking at me, “Kiddo, I’m not made to fight for the resistance anymore. I’ve gotten too old,” I take his hand in my own and I shake my head. That was a coward's way of thinking, a stream of thinking where he only thought of his own survival. My father could be extremely selfish at times, that’s something I’ve known from a young age. 

“You’re never too old dad, please. Help us, if not for mom, then for me. I’ve lost too much trying to achieve this mission, I need to finish this,” I beg, giving him the biggest puppy eyes I’ve got. He runs his fingers through his hair, and grumbles to himself knowing that he can’t say no to me. Chewie comes up behind us, and I give him a hug letting go of my dad’s hand, “Tell him Uncle Chewie,”. Chewie grunts in agreement with me, knowing full well that I needed them. Uncle Chewie pats my back soothingly, and I smile up at him softly.

“You fought with the rebellion,” Finn chimes in. 

“You knew Luke Skywalker,” Rey says under her breath. I glance between the two and then back at my father, still clinging to Uncle Chewie. 

“Yeah, I knew him,” my father said, almost pained at the thought of his best friend. “I knew Luke,”. I could only imagine how much my mom and dad missed him, they had been through a lot together. Fighting in the war together, winning the war together, that kind of thing stuck with you. Those types of friendships stuck with you, for a lifetime. Even if all of them ended up in different places, not much has changed has it? My mother was still fighting with the Resistance, only now she leads the Resistance, as a general. 

Before anyone can say anything else, there’s a thud outside the ship and my dad pushes past us, “Don’t tell me a Rathtar got loose,”. I recoil back in shock, rathtar?! What exactly was my dad doing? Where ever my father goes, trouble follows, that much is true. 

“Wait, what?” Finn says alarmed and we all follow my dad as he heads to the back of the ship. BB8 finds his way out of the hole following behind us. “Did you just say Rathars?” We follow him outside the ship, and I glimpse around at the dirty work area. It was dark and murky, and I was starting to miss the green of a normal planet. “You’re not hauling Rathtars on this freighter, are you?” The ugly beasts with the wide mouths, and tentacles, could eat you up in seconds. 

“I’m hauling Rathtars,” my dad says walking up to a screen and pressing buttons as Chewie growls quietly. “Oh, great. It’s the Guavian Death Gang,” my dad complains irritably. Again, why couldn’t things just be easy? All four of us look at the different screens, and I groan. My dad has told me stories about them before, and I can almost assume that he owes them money. My dad always owes someone money. “Must have tracked us from Nantoon,” Chewie growls again. Not only does he probably owe them money, but I’m sure that the First Order has put out information for our lives. These gangs will do anything for another dollar, even turning in innocent people. 

“What’s a rathtar?” Rey asks and I look at her. 

“A very ugly and terrifying monster,” I answer simply. 

My dad nods agreeing with me, “They’re big and they’re dangerous,”. 

“You ever heard of the Trillia Massacre?” Finn asks, walking behind us, and besides Rey. I walk at a steady pace with my dad not looking back at them. I shiver at the mention of the Trillia Massacre, those horrible creatures only cared about one thing: their next meal. 

“No,” Rey answers confused. 

“Good,” Finn says. 

“I got three of them going to King Prana,” my dad says looking at me. 

“Three? How’d you get them on board?” Finn sounds astonished. 

“I used to have a bigger crew,” my dad doesn’t look at me now. I have to refrain myself from making a sarcastic comment at him. He was good at getting himself, and others into trouble, I could vouch for that. Chewie grumbles sadly, and BB8 beeps trailing behind us. “Get below and stay there until I say so…” my dad says looking into my eyes making sure I understand. I was never really good at listening to him, it usually got us into more trouble. Could he blame me? I got the trouble making skills from him, I learned from the best. 

“But dad,” I press, “I just found you again,”. 

“Don’t argue with me, kid. I’ll be okay, just stay down here,” Chewie is moving the top of the vent and I hug my dad briefly. 

“What about BB8?” Rey asks. 

“He stays with me until I get rid of the gang, then you can have him back, and be on your way,” my dad answers and my heart sinks. He was going to leave me again, it wouldn’t matter how much begging I did. I avoided his eyes now, shifting my feet. It sometimes felt like he wasn’t even my father anymore, just a man pushing through the moments and doing his best to survive. It was all because of Ben, it was all because I failed Ben, and our family. If I could have stopped him from turning, we wouldn’t be where we were at right now. 

“What about the Rathtars? Where are you keeping them?” as soon as Finn asks this one pops up in the window behind him and all three of us jump away from the window screaming. I place my hand on my chest, trying to calm my anxiety. I know that I would not want to face one of those in a fight, being eaten is on the bottom of my ‘ways I want to die,’ list. It wouldn’t be a peaceful death, that much was sure. 

“There’s one,” my dad points at the window. 

“What are you gonna do?” Rey investigates. 

“Same thing I always do. Talk my way out of it,” he looks away from us and I scoff. I jump in first now, not even wanting to hear his voice anymore. Finn drops in after me giving my shoulder a squeeze, and then Rey jumps in as well. Chewie puts the vent cover back on and I avoid looking at Rey and Finn. I can’t believe that even now, my dad won’t stay by my side. He was a different man now after losing Ben, but Ben wasn’t his only child. That’s what hurts the most. After my mom and dad lost Ben, they both changed, but at least mom stuck around. I did have to hide my pain though, knowing that my mom was suffering enough already. In all realness, I mostly raised myself after we lost Ben. I never knew how strong I was up until I had no choice but to be strong. 

“Are you okay, Padme?” Finn is quiet when he asks. I shrug absentmindedly, not bothering to even lift my head up. It felt as if those I love either walk out of my life, or are taken away. My mind flashes back to Poe and I’s last moments together, and to the words I should have said. I felt so  _ alone.  _ In the end, maybe Rey and Finn would only leave me too. It seems to be an occurring theme in my life. “We’re here for you,”. I sigh finally looking up at the two of them, and then down at BB8. All three of them look worried, and I give them the strongest smile I can muster. My pain wasn’t their burden, it was mine. I shouldn’t bother them with something so silly, not with the situation we’re in. 

“I’m fine,” I’m sure they can tell that it was a lie, the sound of my voice was not very convincing. They don’t say anything else though as they look up through the holes of the vents. Maybe they thought it best to focus on the current situation, instead of my inner turmoil. 

“Can you see them?” Rey whispers, and Finn nods his head no as we start to crawl through the small space to see better. I felt slightly anxious that my dad was up there alone with those dangerous men, hoping that it wouldn’t turn for the worse. The three of us stop crawling and Rey says, “They have blasters,”. I glance up through the holes to barely see my dad standing on one end of the hallway with Chewie and BB8, and the other group of men standing on the other side. You can feel the tension up there, even from down here. 

“A lot of them,” Finn agrees with her. 

“We have to help him,” I insist. I would not have anyone else I love die today, no matter how mad I was at him. My heart beats erratically when another group of men appears on the other side. “What the fuck dad,” I mutter facepalming. All three of us turn and start crawling back to where we came from. We stop when we hear one of the men threatening my dad speaking. 

“The first order is looking for that droid, and  _ three fugitives,”.  _

Finn and Rey look at each other, and then look at me with looks of shock, and I shrug unsure. We had no weapons, we were literally defenseless, how could we defeat them? All three of us start to rush now as we hear him order his crew to start searching. Suddenly Rey stops though, “wait, wait, wait,” Finn and I look at her as she stops at a control panel. “If we close the blast doors in that corridor, we can trap both gangs!” We could trap them and get out of here!

“Alright, let’s do it,” I say looking between the three of us. 

“We’ll close the blast doors from here?” Finn furrows his brows in confusion.

“If we reset them, it should,” I answer for Rey. She starts to press buttons, but my heart stops when I hear the screams of the hideous beasts being held in this ship. “I got a bad feeling about this,” I groaned, shaking my head. I think that we have messed with the wrong blast doors. 

“Wrong fuses,” Rey says looking at us. I can see the stress outlining both of their features, and I just keep asking myself, why can’t it ever be easy? I hear the men above us start loading their guns, and it feels more urgent than ever that I need to help my dad. Before these men can do anything, I hear the beast growling and screaming as it starts taking several men out of their misery. I can’t distinguish the men’s screams from the monsters, but if I’m honest, it all sounds terrifying. 

“This was a mistake,” Finn yells as we crawl as fast as we can. 

“Huge,” Rey agrees. 

“We just need to get out of here,” I remind them. Alarms are going off as Rey pushes open the vent. Rey and Finn jump out, myself right behind them. We start to run down the many hallways, trying to find our way back to the millennium falcon and my dad. This thing was huge and very confusing, it might take forever to find my dad. 

“What do they look like?” Rey urgently runs alongside Finn, and I run behind them. All three of us stop in our tracks as we come face to face with the rathtar, and I point with a shaky hand. It’s huge tentacles float in the air, ready to strike against us. 

“Like that,”. 

The beast is eating men, its tentacles flailing, and I feel myself getting sick. Finn grabs Rey’s hand pulling her away and I follow not too far behind. “Come on Padme,” Finn urges looking back at me, and I try to pick up my pace. I was trying to use my adrenaline to keep me going, but I was slowly running out of adrenaline. Eventually, I’ll be able to stop, and I’ll go straight to the medcenter when I do. “This way,” Finn takes a turn and we follow. 

“Are you sure?” Rey is hesitant to follow him. Before he can say anything else though, the monster is grabbing him by the leg with its tentacle. All the air leaves my lunges as I lunge forward to stop the monster from eating my friend. 

“No,” I scream in fear as I move to try to pry the thing off of him. Finn is fighting against it grabbing at the ground. I could not handle losing another person today, this could not be happening. Finn grasps at the ground as the creature yanks him around from his feet, trying to pull him closer to its mouth. 

“Finn,” Rey yelps following me towards the creature. I try to follow them but they’re too fast, and we start to panic more. I’m starting to slow on my feet, as the aches and pains of my body drag me down. This can’t be happening right now, I need my body to function long enough to save Finn. 

“Rey, Padme,” he’s trying to pull himself out of the death grip. He disappears around the corner, and I stop on my feet. I almost burst out in tears when I realize that we’ve lost him, and Rey looks around frantically trying to figure out which way they went. We hear his voice in the distance, and say his name at the same time as we follow the sound. It’s still difficult to find out which way they went though, but Rey notices noise coming from some more monitors. She races over and looks over them looking for Finn.

“Right there,” I point at the screen, and she nods as she starts pressing buttons. I could hear Finn’s panicked screams, and I looked around at the dark corridor trying to remain calm in this situation. I look back down to see Rey slamming down on a button sending one of the doors closed, and chopping off the tentacle of the beast. We both make our way towards Finn, saying his name together as we approach him. He’s trying to get the now limp tentacles off him, as he stands shakily on his feet.

He’s not on his feet very long though before I hug him quickly, feeling so relieved that he was okay. He hugs me back, and releases me quickly looking at Rey. “It had me.. But the door…” Before I could tell Finn that it was Rey who did it she shrugged. 

“That was lucky,”. 

We all start running  _ again _ back towards the millennium falcon. We made it back to where we were, and I saw my dad holding up Chewie as they walked towards the ship. “Dad,” I exclaim and he turns toward us. I ran towards him to embrace him relieved that he was okay, and he wraps a single arm around me placing a soft kiss on my head. He lets out his own breath of relief as I let go of him. “Is Uncle Chewie, okay?” I panic. He ignores me for a second pointing at Rey. 

“You, close the door behind us,” then he points at Finn, “You take care of Chewie,” and finally he looks at me, “And you my copilot are coming with me,”. We follow his lead, as Finn takes the weight of Chewe and we climb onto the ship. I follow my dad to the cockpit, where he starts getting the ship ready to go. I sit in the passenger seat getting everything ready, when Rey comes running up front after shutting the door. The ship starts to power up when Rey looks at my dad, before speaking.

“Unkar Plutt installed a fuel pump, too. If we don’t prime that, we’re not going anywhere,” Rey starts reaching over me to press buttons and I look at my dad exasperated. He just shrugs, and I lean away from the controls as she presses buttons. She finishes what she’s doing and leans back out of my way, so that I can copilot for my dad. I hear Chewie groan in pain, and take a quick glance to the back in his direction. I hope that he’s okay, I was very close to my Uncle when I was a child. 

I look back towards my dad when he says, “Watch the thrust. We’re going out of here at lightspeed,”. I look at him baffled, concerned by the fact that we were still in the hangar. I wondered how much damage that could do to this poor ship. 

Rey has the same concerns, “From inside the hangar? Is that even possible?”. 

“I never ask that question till after I’ve done it,” is my dad’s only response. 

“Dad,” I blurted but stopped to think about how he was right, this was always his mindset. Even though it was a flawed mindset, it did get us out of bad situations. Most of the time anyway. Both Rey and I yelp when we see the inside of the Rathtars mouth, as it throws itself on the ship. Was it trying to eat the entire ship? 

“This is not how I thought this day was gonna go,” my dad mumbles shaking his head.

“You’re telling me,” I grumble in agreement. 

“Angle the shield,” my dad points at me, “hang on back there,”. I hear Finn call back to us, but I can’t really understand him. It does sound like he’s struggling with Chewie back there, which isn’t much of a surprise. 

“Come on, baby, don’t let me down,” my dad pats the controls and I do the same. This ship has gotten us out of a lot of messes, and here’s to hoping it could get us out of another one. The ship still doesn’t move as the ugly creator is still trying to chew on the falcon. “What,” my dad says under his breath confused. 

“It’s the compressor, dad,” I point and he looks at me baffled but proceeds to press the button. Suddenly the entire ship is shaking as it readies itself for take off. “Hold on tight,” I look back at Rey who nods getting between my dad and I, clutching tightly to the seats. I clutch tightly as well as the ship powers through space and away from those awful monsters and men. I’m assuming the beast was shredded into shreds due to the speed that we took off. Sparks start flying off above my head and I duck quickly looking around. 

“Electrical overloud,” my dad speaks reaching over his head. Rey is quick on her feet as well as she reaches over her head messing with wires. Alarms are going off again, and I stand on my feet to start helping them. 

“Coolant’s leaking,” he says and Rey looks down from what she is doing. 

“Try transferring auxiliary power…” 

“To the secondary tank,” the three of us say at the same time. 

“I got it,” my dad says, moving to get it done. 

I hear Chewie groan in pain again, and I move back there to help Finn seeing as my dad and Rey have it covered. “I need help with this giant hairy thing,” Finn screams as I walk back there, BB8 rolling past me to the front. I roll my eyes at Finn’s flair of dramatics and stop in front of both of them. 

“Hey that’s Uncle Chewie to you,” I narrow my eyes at him as I usher him away from Uncle Chewie. “Here let me take care of it,” I take the tape from his hands. I look up into Uncle Chewie’s eyes, and give him a reassuring smile. I would be as gentle as possible. 

“You hurt Chewie, you’re gonna deal with me!” My dad growls. 

“Don’t worry, dad, I’ve got him,” I call back and then turn my attention to him. “Hey Uncle Chewie,” I try to soothe while moving some hair from his eyes with my free hand. “I’m just going to wrap this around your wound, okay?” He seems to calm down slightly at my tone, and Finn looks baffled between the two of us. He goes to say something but I lift a finger up to silence him, “Not a word,”. Finn nods as I finish wrapping gauze around Chewie’s wounded arm. “See,” I cooed rubbing his shoulder gently, “all better,”. Chewie grunts a thank you and I smile at him sweetly turning to Finn. My sweet smile falls when I look at him, “Don’t be mean to my Uncle,”. Finn throws his hands up following me back up front to the cockpit. I walk up behind Rey as my dad is speaking again.

“This hyperdrive blows, there are gonna be pieces of us in three different systems,” I cringe at his words, and stand between them. I look over to see Rey ripping out some wires, pretty brutally might I say. I raise my eyebrows looking between her and my dad. Rey just looks at the wires amazed as the alarms stop going off. “What’d you do?” my dad asks. 

Rey sits down in the passenger seat and she holds it up so that he can see it, “I bypassed the compressor,”. There’s a huge grin on her face, and my face breaks out into the same grin. Rey was one of the smartest people I have ever met, she is truly fantastic.

“Rey, you truly amazes me,” I compliment and she shrugs at me. My dad just stares at her amazed, tilting his head back. 

“Huh,” is the only thing that he is capable of getting out. BB8 peeks over to look at us as my dad stands, looking at me. “Can I get by kiddo?” he asks. I nod and move out of his way as he makes his way back to Chewie. I follow right behind him as he speaks to Chewie, “Ah, don’t say that. You did great. Just rest,”. I nod in agreement, Uncle Chewie may get scared, but that fear never controlled him. Not when it came to the safety of his family. Finn and Rey follow behind me, Finn decides to take a seat and I remain standing. “So, fugitives huh?” he looks between the three of us.

I scratch the back of my neck nervously, “I’m sorry dad, we didn’t mean to get you caught up in this,”. Which was the truth, as happy as I am to see him again, I knew that now he was involved his life was also in danger on top of ours. I was tired of having those I love in the line of fire, but at the same time he’s only our way back to my as of right now. We have no other form of transportation. 

“The First Order wants the map,” Rey is standing behind the seat where Finn is sitting, “Finn and Padme are with the resistance, I’m just a scavenger,”. Rey was so much more than a scavenger, that’s something that I will prove to her eventually. 

I look back at my dad who sighs, “Dad, we need your help,” I whisper, “You don’t have to stay or anything, I just need to get this map to mom. I have to  _ finish _ this mission,”. My dad looks almost hurt that I would assume he wouldn’t want to stay, but he also doesn’t seem too surprised. It was him who decided to leave when things went sour with Ben. He left me behind with my mother’s turmoil, and my own. He can’t be surprised that I distrust the notion that he would possibly stay with us. 

My dad looks at the orange and white droid and says, “Let’s see what you’ve got,”. 

BB looks at me beeping to be sure that we can trust my dad, and I nod at him reassuringly, “It’s okay BB, it’s my dad,”. BB8 nods projecting the map above us. Finn stands to get a better look, and Rey takes a seat close to it surveying it. Even Chewie decides to sit up, trying to take a better look. I narrow my eyes in concentration, something seeming a bit off about this map. 

“This map’s not complete, it’s just a piece,” my dad says surveying it. My heart sinks, was all of this, losing Poe, almost dying, for nothing? We couldn’t get to Uncle Luke with an incomplete map. My shoulders drop in disappointment, as I think back to the moments before we left for the mission. Poe and I both were so ready to do whatever it takes, and I guess whatever it takes wasn’t enough. “Ever since Luke disappeared, people have been looking for him,” I nodded listening to my dad. It was true, everyone considered him our last hope, just like when he fought against my grandfather. The last of the Jedi… 

“Why did he leave?” Rey questions quietly. I look around the room, not really fond of hearing the story again. I lived the story, and each time I hear it, it only hurts me more. The hole of my brother’s absence only seems to grow with each mention of  _ Kylo Ren  _ or the  _ First Order.  _ My dad walks a bit still glancing over the map, seeming very fascinated with it. He’s thinking on his words, and on how to explain the story.

He doesn’t look away from it when he starts to explain, “He was training a new generation of Jedi,” when he says this he looks at me. He looks grateful that I didn’t train, that I didn’t join the sith like my brother did. “One boy, an apprentice turned against him,” I look at my dad now, appreciating that he didn’t say his name. The last thing I needed was for my friend’s to realize that my brother was Kylo Ren. “Destroyed it all,” he finishes with a taint of pain in his voice. My heartbeat hitches in my chest at my dad’s words, still unsure if that was entirely true. All of the evidence points to the fact that yes, my brother had to do it, but it still felt wrong to believe it. 

My dad wraps a soothing arm around my shoulder before continuing, “Luke felt responsible, he just walked away from everything,”. Did Uncle Luke feel responsible, because he was responsible? Did he create Kylo Ren? 

“Do you know what happened to him?” Finn decided to speak. 

“A lot of rumors. Stories. People that knew him best...think he went looking for the first Jedi Temple,” I lean into my dad’s body as he speaks. It’s been a while since I’ve had my father’s comfort, it was nice to be near him again. 

“The Jedi were real?” Rey says with a smile, truly shocked and amazed by the revolution. My dad looks at Rey, “I used to wonder that myself,” he looks down at me before speaking again, “thought it was a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, a magical power holding together good and evil… the dark side and the light…,” he pauses. Then he looks between the three of us, “Crazy thing is… it’s true. The force. The jedi. All of it. It’s all true,”. 

***


	6. Chapter 2: Fix What I Started

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme Solo finds herself somewhere familiar, where she may learn more on her family's past. Is she going to start opening herself up to the force? Or will she continue to hide away from it in fear?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I am so so sorry guys that it took me so long to update! I know it's been a couple of weeks. I've been busy and fighting off these horrible migraines. I will be making it up to you by uploading a couple of chapters between today and tomorrow. Warnings in this chapter include a character death, darkness and cursing! Again, I do not own Star Wars or any of its characters. I do hope you enjoy this chapter. As always, may the force be with you!

Something starts to beep in the cockpit which catches my dad’s attention, and I watch as he walks over to a control panel. I stood where I was stunned for a moment, it was strange to think that some individuals out there believe these are fairy tales. My father's words echo through my being.  _ It’s all true.  _ I shake myself out of my thoughts following behind my father, my friends right behind me. Chewie grunts and my dad points at him, “No, you rest,” he continues glancing over his shoulder at me, “You want my help? You’re getting it. Gonna see an old friend. She’ll get your droid home,”. My lips rise into a small smile, and let out a small breath of relief through my nose. He might not follow me home, but at least he would help us finish this mission. 

“Thank you, dad,” I whisper quietly. He looks down on me ruffling my hair. I pucker my lips into a pout, swatting his hand away, moving my hands up to fix my hair from looking more of a mess. 

“No problem, kid. This is our stop,” I follow him up to the cockpit. I sit in the passenger seat with Rey standing behind me. Finn stands behind my father, as I take in the green scenery of the planet. It truly was beautiful, with huge bodies of water running through it. There were trees as far as you could see, just the way I like it. It was nice to see something other than sand. I had a feeling I would enjoy being surrounded by all of this greenery. 

I look at Rey who is blinking in shock, “I didn’t know there was this much green in the whole galaxy,”. My eyes soften when I look at her, she truly was a wonderful and smart person. It was awful that she had been stuck on that awful planet of Jakku all her life. My dad looks back at her, shocked as much as I am to hear her say it. How many people are stuck on planets like Jakku, with no way out? We fly above the lake, going to land in a clearing hidden by the trees. Rey, BB, and Finn disappear and I turn to look at my dad, cherishing the moment we could finally be alone. 

“So kid,” my dad starts turning his body towards me. “Do you want to talk about it?” I look away from him then and down at my hands which were folded in my lap. “I know that you were happy to see me, but those weren’t tears of happiness,” he presses. I wanted to speak of it, but any time Poe’s name left my mouth, or I closed my eyes for a fleeting glance of his face it only brought the heartache on by ten fold. I wasn’t sure how I could ever move on from this, it feels like the pain could suffocate me if I let it. I was afraid the moment we stopped moving, stopped running, that this pain would be the end of me. 

I’m silent for a few moments and then I decide to speak, “He died,” my voice cracks. My dad furrows his gray eyebrows in confusion. I suppose he had a right to be confused, that was a fairly vague answer. “He died,” my voice is raspy from tears. “He died before I could tell him,”. My dad’s shoulders sink, and he nods almost understanding now. He knows all about losing someone before being able to tell them something important. I’m sure he wonders everyday what he could have said to Ben all those years ago, that which could have kept Ben from the dark side of the force. I stare down at my clenched fist unable to look at my dad just yet. 

“His name was Poe Dameron,” my voice is barely audible. “He was the greatest pilot in the resistance, and I…” I’m stuck on the words, from never saying them out loud. It feels wrong saying it now, when it was Poe I should have told them to. “I’m in love with him,” tears streamed down my cheeks now, but I don’t bother wiping them away. This was my father, he has seen me cry several times, this wouldn’t be the first or last time he will. “But he was more than a pilot,” I shake my head lightly. “He was one of the greatest men I ever had the privilege of knowing,” my voice catches, “he was kind, and brave, and everything that I wanted to ever be,”. Poe Dameron was the love of my life, that much I was sure of at this point. 

“I love him, and he didn’t even know it,” a sob catches in my throat, creator, why can’t I stop crying? My dad leans over wiping my tears away, gentle as he always was with me. He’s silent soaking in the words that I’ve said, contemplating what he can say to provide some comfort. What can you say to something like that? Nothing can take away this emptiness that I feel inside from his absence. It feels like the pain is coursing through my very being, weighing down every step I take. 

“Kid, he had to know,” he places his hand on my cheek making sure that I’m looking into his eyes. “You wear your heart on your sleeve, like your mother does,” he continues softly, “he knew, Padme, I promise you,”. I searched his eyes for any hint of sarcasm, or lie, but he was telling the truth. My dad would never lie about something like this, not to me. I was like dad in a lot of ways, but when it came to my feelings, I made them known much like my mother. My mother has always been verbal with how she feels, but she also expressed her feelings through actions. As I did with Poe, every single day that I knew him. Poe Dameron, is out there somewhere, wherever you go after death, and he knows. He must know that I love him. 

“This feels different from Abel,” I hadn’t said that name in so long, I had forgotten how it sounded. “Losing Abel hurt, of course. But...this. This is like an emptiness. Like someone reached into my chest, and ripped out half of my being… it’s like half of me is gone,” my dad retracts his hand from my face and nods rubbing his beard thoughtfully. I don’t feel complete or whole without Poe here. Is that healthy? Loving someone so much that you feel vacant when they’re gone? 

“Your mom told me of a similar feeling she had,” I turned in my chair at his words. My mother? The leader of the Resistance, the princess, now general, who helped us win the last war? Felt empty before? 

“Really?” I gape. 

“Yes, it was when I was frozen by Darth Vader,” he says nonchalantly. He’s told us the story multiple times, reminding us of how he and mom first said I love you. “When she thought I was gone, she said she had never felt so empty in her life, the exception being when she lost her home planet,” he looked off into the distance, lost in thought. I could never imagine how my mom felt after losing her parents or her home planet. She truly was the strongest person I know. Even after she lost my dad she still fought, and I suppose I would have to do the same thing. If my mother could keep going after losing her entire home planet, surely I could keep moving forward after losing Poe Dameron. 

“That’s different, dad,” I sighed, “You and mom found your way back to each other,”. My heart ached in my chest at the thought of never seeing Poe again, of never holding his hand, of living the rest of my life empty without him. “Poe and I can’t,”. There’s a huge difference between dying… and well being frozen. Dad was able to come back to mom, and even could now if he chose to. Poe and I have no choice in the matter, death doesn’t give you second chances. We would never get married, have children, or grow old together. That wasn’t an option for us anymore. 

“Who knows,” he muses standing from his seat, “maybe you still can,”. He ruffles my hair again walking out of the cockpit. I just sat there, taking in his words, which were very hopeful coming from him. I was so quick to give up, automatically thinking Poe was gone. Maybe… I shake my head of these thoughts. It was nice to dream, or to think that maybe Poe is still out there somewhere, but the possibility was low. This was a war, people die everyday, what made me think that the force would spare him? It was best not to get my hopes up, especially when we had this mission to finish. 

I look out at the beautiful planet we’re on, and the corner of my lips tug slightly up, either way Poe would not want me sulking. He would want me to finish this mission, no matter what it takes. I stood on my feet walking out of the cockpit, and past my father and Finn to go outside where Rey is standing. 

Rey stood outside, at the edge of the lake with such an amazed look on her face that I even felt lighter. I’ve been so overwhelmed with darkness lately, it was nice to see the light coming from her. I come to stand next to her and we’re silent at first before she decides to speak, “I’ve never had a friend,” I look up at her slightly thrown off by her comment. Rey didn’t seem like the kind of person to talk about her feelings, but it sounds that she’s starting to open up. I look into her brown eyes searching them, seeing the haunted and pained look in them. 

She’s still staring off into the distance, seemingly lost in thought. I look away from her to look at the lake as well, “you’ve always been alone, haven’t you?” I’m quiet as I speak. I look back at her to see her nodding, not really wanting to add to the words. She obviously has been through some terrible things. “Well, you’re not anymore,” I reach to squeeze her shoulder, “I’m your friend now,”. I’m much like my Uncle Luke, loyal to the end, no matter what to my friends. Besides my mother and father, my friends were the most important thing to me. 

I go to pull my hand away from her shoulder, when she stops me by placing her hand on top of my own. She seems unable to speak for a moment but finally she says, “okay,”. It’s a simple reply, but to me it was more than that. I could see the emotions written all over her face. Her eyes were misty, and her lips were quivering a bit. She looks almost happy, or relieved to hear someone say that she wasn’t alone anymore. We both fall back into silence as we get lost in our own thoughts. We stand with my hand on her shoulder, and her hand on top of mine. I could stand here all day with her, if there weren't more pressing concerns. 

My dad comes to walk up beside us, and he doesn’t say anything at first only giving me a pointed look. I nodded, taking that as a sign that he wanted to speak with Rey for a moment so I decided to walk closer to the water line. Rey releases my hand and I walk towards the water line keeping my eyes forward. I squat down on my knees brushing my fingers through the water, which was warm against my fingers from the sun. I take in my surroundings, the mountains and hills, the water, and I close my eyes picturing it all in my mind. I try to center in on the soft wind, and the sounds of life going on around me. I almost feel some peace of mind until my father speaks, “you ready kid?” I jumped startled, not even realizing that he had walked up behind me. I take one last glance around and nod standing back up. He holds a blaster up in his hand and says, “do you still have the blaster I gave you?” 

I sheepishly scratch the back of my head, “I lost it back in Jakku, when the first order captured me,” his eyes widened and he looks like he’s about to ask me what exactly has happened today but Rey and the others walk up behind us. Instead he decides to just hand me the blaster in his hand, which looks just like the one Rey is holding as well. I place the blaster in the holster on my hip as he then turns to Chewie, and away from me.

“Chewie, check out the ship as best you can,” Chewie grunts in reply. My dad walked away from the lake, and we got to follow him in silence. Rey is looking down at the blaster in thought as she walks, she looks almost lost as if she doesn’t know how she got here. A lot did happen in just one day, just hours ago Rey was in Jakku, now she’s helping us in a mission for the Resistance. Finn walks behind the two of us, looking slightly distressed. We walk up to an older looking building, on the water and I almost feel as if I’ve been here. Maybe, in a dream once? 

“Solo, why are we here again?” Finn questions and I look back at Finn confused.

“To get your droid on a clean ship,” my dad replies and I feel slightly saddened that I soon wouldn’t be on the falcon anymore. It was one of the constant homes I had with my dad as a child, there were a lot of memories on that ship. Having something familiar within the chaos, put me more at ease. My father was right though, anyone in this galaxy could recognize that ship. 

“Clean?” Rey sounds confused.  
“He means, a ship less recognizable by the first order,” I look at her next to me before I continue, “everyone in the galaxy knows what the millennium falcon is,”. She nods in understanding now, realizing that this might be the smartest route. BB8 follows behind us, finally being able to keep pace with us. It was nice not to be running for once. 

“You think it was luck that Chewie and I found the falcon? If we can find it on our scanners, the first order’s not far behind,” my dad adds as we walk into an entrance, a red droid walking the opposite way as us. My dad turns to us as he walks, “Wanna get BB8 to the resistance? Maz Kanata’s our best bet,” the name rings a bell and I’m almost sure I’ve heard it before. I look above me to see several different flags hanging up across lines and smile. I wondered how many different cultures these came from. Past the flags is a statue of a woman, of whom again I slightly recognized. 

“We can trust her, right?” Finn sounds unsure. 

I walk up beside my dad who replies, “Relax, kid. She’s run this watering hole for a thousand years,” we walk up the steps to the door, “Maz is a bit of an acquired taste,”. He laughs to himself and I smile as we stop at the door. “So let me do the talking,” he looks at me mostly when he says this. I shrug with my hands out, acting as if I had no idea what he was talking about. He just shakes his head at me smirking, I was his daughter after all. “And whatever you do, don’t stare,” I furrow my brows in confusion. Why would we stare? 

“At what?” all three of us reply.

“Any of it,” my dad gestures with his hand as the door opens. I look at Finn and Rey, slightly confused by my dad’s words. We walk into the bar, music playing loudly, and I look around amazed. There were so many people in here, of so many different kinds. There’s talking and laughter, and a fire where something is cooking.There’s also games being played, and money being gambled within the people in the bar. I shake myself out of my amazement and make way to follow my father. 

We all stop in our tracks though when a smaller woman with glasses on puts down her tray and announces, “Han Solo!” The bar goes completely quiet then, even the music, and I glance around nervously. The last thing we needed was attention on us. 

“Oh, boy,” my dad says softly and then continues loudly, “Hey, Maz,”. She makes her way to us and stops when she sees me. The music starts to play again, and everyone starts up conversation again as she makes her way towards me. 

“I can’t believe my eyes, Padme Solo!” I stay frozen in place mostly confused by how she knows my name. Quickly Finn, Rey, BB8 and my dad all walk beside me as Maz continues to look me over, “the last time I saw you, well you were my size!” She seems to be mostly excited, and I am still very confused. I look to my dad for clarification, who is rubbing at his neck. I try to dig in my mind for any memories I could have Maz, but I come up with nothing.

“Padme, you used to see Maz a lot as a kid. When you traveled with me,” he clarifies. I nod in understanding. That makes a lot of sense, this does seem to be the kind of ‘watering hole,’ my father would enjoy. 

Maz then looks at dad before asking, “Where’s my boyfriend?”

“Chewie’s working on the falcon,” my dad says looking at the three of us. BB8 rolls up beside me nudging against my leg. I reach down resting my hand on his head watching the interaction between my father and Maz. She was a curious person, small, with big eyes and a lot of energy. 

“I like that wookie,” Maz smiles, and my dad smiles back in good humor at her. I let out a small giggle at her words as well, thinking of Chewie in a relationship. “I assume you need something,” Maz muses, “desperately. Let’s get to it,” she turns and starts walking. My dad goes to follow her, and us behind him. BB chirps as he follows us, and I look down at him feeling slightly anxious about this situation. It wouldn’t be long before the First Order found out we were here. 

We all took a seat at a table, I sat next to my dad, who sits across from Maz. There’s food and drinks spread all along the table, but after everything I can’t seem to muster up an appetite. Finn and Rey are sitting next to each other as well as we continue to explain the situation to her. “A map?” she asks, “to Skywalker himself?” She has a smile on her face when she looks at my dad, “You are right back in the mess,”. I chuckle along with her at the irony, my dad has had to deal with two wars now. It was funny how ironic it was, because both times he wanted nothing to do with the war. It was his love for my mom and Uncle that pushed him into it last time. I wondered mildly what it would take for him to jump right back into it. 

He cuts his eyes at me and then looks back at Maz, “Maz, I need you to get this droid to Leia,”. At the mention of my mom’s name I felt light, looking forward to seeing her again. Besides Poe, my mom was the constant person in my life, and I missed her dearly. “Hmm..no,” she responds simply. I look at her completely bewildered by her response. No? I fidget with my hand looking down. I just need to finish this. “You’ve been running away from this fight for too long,” I look up at her words and she looks at me. “Even your young princess here has been fighting, despite the losses,” I clench my hands into fists looking at my dad, waiting for what he has to say. Pain sparks up my arm where the cut is, and my fingers, where they’re broken. I refrain from expressing the pain though, not wanting to worry my dad. I silently flinch, and release my fingers seeking out some relief from the pain. When my dad doesn’t respond she says, “Han,” and then continues to speak in another dialect. “Go home,” she looks at him and then me, “Be with your family,”. 

Listening to her words seem to stir up a lot of emotions between my father and I, “Leia doesn’t want to see me,” my dad speaks firmly. I try to speak against it but Finn speaks first. 

“Please we came here for your help,”. 

Rey is holding something in her hands when she speaks up as well, “What fight?” 

“The only fight,” Maz and I say together. I look up at her, my eyes misty with tears. 

“Against the dark side,” I whisper. I turn to look at my dad and speak again, “dad the only way to fight is  _ together, _ ”. We all had to work together to snuff out the darkness, or the darkness would win. There were more of us, than them, we could defeat them; only if we worked together. 

“Through the ages,” Maz starts, “I’ve seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, it is the First Order,”. We all look at her, and I feel it running in my veins. The light, the will to fight against this darkness overcoming the galaxy. “Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy, we must face them. Fight them. All of us,”. I can’t be sure how bad the Sith and Empire was… all I have are the stories passed on, but I do know how terrible the First Order is. If we continue to stand by and do nothing, we would all die, the galaxy will continue to suffer. 

“There is no fight against the first order, not one we can win,” Finn starts but I interrupt him this time.

“Finn,” I scolded, “You don’t know that,” I shake my head looking at my dad, “We’ve won once before, we can do it again,”. Rey looks between all of us, but doesn’t make a comment. My family won against the empire, and they had just each other. We have a lot more than they ever had, we had a chance, with hope and each other. I have never been one to stand by and watch others suffer, I will continue to fight; with or without my father and friends. 

“Look around, Padme,” Finn exclaims, “there’s no chance we haven’t been recognized already. I bet you the first order is on their way right…,” Finn stops when he hears the click of Maz’s glasses. She looks like she’s trying to get a closer look at him. “What’s this?” he asks lost, “what are you doing?” Maz starts shoving glasses and plates to the side as she tries to get closer to Finn. I cover my mouth so that he doesn’t see the amusement on my lips. BB chirps below when a cup flies off the table hitting his head. I pet his head and looked up again to hear Finn speaking, “Solo, what is she doing?” I glance over at my dad who looks just as amused as I am. 

“I don’t know, but it ain’t good,” is my dad’s only reply. 

“If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people,” Maz says inspecting Finn’s eyes, “I’m looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run,”. My eyes linger on Finn’s face, and in his dark eyes, knowing what Maz is talking about. I’ve seen the look before, in my father’s own eyes years ago after Ben turned to the dark side. 

Finn is quiet but then leans forward an angry look on his face, “You don’t know a thing about me. Where I’m from. What I’ve seen. You don’t know the first order like I do, they’ll slaughter us. We all need to run,”. I almost wanted to scream at Finn, calling him a coward for wanting to run from us, from the Resistance. Mostly though, I was just hurt. I was starting to consider him a friend, and the fact that he was willing to run away from it all, after everything… it just felt wrong. I thought the force had brought us together for a reason. I suppose I was wrong. Maybe the force doesn’t always know what it’s doing. 

“Hmm,” Maz ponders as she climbs back down from the table. “You see those two?” she points a couple men at a table across the way, “They’ll trade work for transportation to the outer rim. There, you can disappear,”. I glance over at the table across the cantina, talking intently with each other and let out a sigh. Some were meant to fight, and some were meant to fight, Finn was meant to run. 

“Finn?” Rey looks disappointed. She had obviously been feeling and seeing the same thing as I was. The force brought us together, to finish this mission, and maybe even more. Finn was ready to just run at the first chance. They share a look before he leans over, a hopeful look in his eyes. 

“Come with me,” he pleads.   
“What about BB8 and Padme? We’re not done yet,” Rey shakes her head, “We have to get them back to your base,”. BB chirps seemingly anxious about the entire situation. I couldn’t blame him, although I know I can do this without him. I don’t need him to finish this mission, I could do it without him or my father. If they really want to be cowards and run, I would watch them and continue on my way. 

“I can’t,” Finn looks at Rey, as if his decision has already been made. He stands from his seat, and I gape at him as he tries to hand his gun back to my dad. I can’t believe what I’m watching, but at the same time I can. I’ve seen it a million times, someone running because they’re scared. I’ve wanted to run a couple of times in my life, but I never let that fear control me or hold me back. I would fight for the Resistance until my last breath. I would fight for the people in this galaxy that deserve freedom and peace. 

“Keep it, kid,” my dad seems just as disappointed as we are. Rey stands angrily, going to follow right behind Finn. I watch them go with a shake of my head, knowing Rey would not change Finn’s mind. 

Maz looks between my dad and I, “who’s the girl?” 

My attention starts to fade out though, as I hear something or someone calling me. I close my eyes trying to focus on the voice. I didn’t reconize the voice, but somehow it felt familiar, ancient even. It’s almost like the voice has been trying to speak to me for a long time, but only now do I hear it. 

**Padme.**

**Padme.**

**Padme.**

The voice is repeating my name over and over again, and I stand abruptly not paying any thought to my father or Maz. I follow the voice and it starts to grow louder and clearer. I’m not even sure where I’m walking, I’m not focusing on my surroundings, just on the voice. The longer I walk, the closer the voice sounds and feels. It felt like it was tugging and pulling me, towards it. It felt so important that I follow this voice, and hear what it has to say. 

**Padme.**

**Padme Solo.**

**It’s time.**

**It’s time.**

**It’s…**

I stop dropping to my knees in front of an old wooden box. I’m not sure where I ended up in the old cantina. I don’t look around at my surroundings, just at the old box sitting in front of me, where the voice speaks loudly and clearly. Something swirls around in my chest, begging to be released, begging to be used.  _ The force?  _

**Padme…**

I slowly bring my hands down to open it, the lock clearly broken off years ago. I open it to reveal a lightsaber, I gasp at the familiarity of it. In a dream maybe? I’m not unfamiliar with what a lightsaber looks like, being in a family of force users. This lightsaber though… darkness rolls off of it. Familiar darkness, energy… that my family has carried for centuries. I’m hesitant at first to touch it, seeing something that had brought nothing but pain and darkness to my family. My hand lingers in the air above it. 

**It’s time.**

In an instant my hand is on the cold metallic handle and I’m no longer in the bar. 

**_It’s dark, the only light illuminating the small space is a yellow light. I try to focus my eyes and move in closer, realizing it’s a lightsaber. I had never seen a yellow saber before, but I have heard stories of them. I move closer to the lightsaber realizing there is a man- person? Holding it up as if he’s trying to shield himself. I swallow thickly in confusion, unsure of where I was or what was going on. I’ve had visions before, but never while awake. Not only that, but in the dreams I was never able to move, and come closer to observe. I was usually stuck in place._ **

**_As I walk slowly around him I notice that in this vision I’m able to move, to see that there is someone standing across from him. The mood between the two is tense, and it’s then that I see the mask lit up in yellow from the saber. My heart stalls in my chest at the sight of the man- creature standing across from the jedi holding the yellow lightsaber._ **

**_Grand… grandfather?_ **

**_“Give it to me,” his voice sends a shiver down my spine. The robotic voice was hauntingly close to Ben’s own mask, causing my body to freeze in fear. The person across from him- I’m assuming a Jedi shakes his head no. I can’t see the person's face, even with the light coming off the saber. His face is hidden in the shadow of his hood. I was curious to know more about this person, and why they were facing my grandfather. Even I knew, it was pointless to try to fight against him. From all of the stories, I knew that my grandfather was powerful. Powerful enough to defeat Palpatine once he returned to the light. Standing here though, witnessing whatever this was, I could feel the power and darkness. Not only that… pain, suffering… confusion. There was light swirling around him, mixed with the darkness._ **

**_“Then I will take it,” my grandfather reaches out his hand, the saber easily flying out of the person's hands, and into his. I can both see and feel the fear coming from the jedi, but also… he felt as if he was at peace with what was about to happen. My grandfather looks down at the saber and then looks back at the person. A pained gasp gets caught up in my throat, and I take a step closer to the two as if I could do anything to stop something that has already happened._ **

**_“No wait,” I scream as my grandfather moves forward, “stop!” My words are gone unheard as the yellow blade comes down killing the man. I stopped placing my hand on my chest- it was almost as if- I felt his last breath, last heartbeat. My chest tightens, my knees weak under me as the pain and sorrow takes hold of me. How many did my grandfather kill, who were innocent?_ **

**_Quickly the image contorts, to my grandfather standing alone. This time it looks like we’re in a white room, as he stares down at the yellow blade of the saber. He quickly shuts it off, using some tools to open up the handle. I take a shaky breath trying to calm my nerves as I walk closer, inspecting what he’s about to do. Once it’s open, he takes the yellow crystal out, looking it over. I feel life and light coming from the crystal that sits in his palms. Dread seizes me as I realize what he could do to this crystal that was so full of light and life._ **

**_I crumple to the ground when he closes his fist around it, breaking it. I shriek in agony, as pain courses through my veins. It’s like the crystal itself is hurt, and suffering, and I whimper clenching at my chest. My grandfather destroyed the light in that crystal, leaving only darkness in its wake. I cry out covering my mouth with one of my hands, as tears course down my cheeks. Who could do something so horrible? Turn something that was full of so much light into something angry and full of darkness? Why was the lightsaber showing me this?_ **

**_When he opens his hands back up, a red crystal sits in his palm._ **

**_Before I can catch my breath the scene changes again, over and over again, showing me all of the pain and cruelty that my grandfather brought onto others. Every ounce of it I feel deep in my soul, the suffering… the darkness. How someone could do such horrible things to others I could never understand. It only stops at a scene that almost feels familiar, it was a story that my Uncle had told me before. When he found out that Darth Vader was his father- when grandfather took Uncle Luke’s hand._ **

**_I watch in despair as my uncle clings to a pillar in the old Death Star, tears running down his cheeks as he shakes his head no. In disbelief that someone like Darth Vader could be his father. I have never seen my uncle in so much pain and I know it wasn’t because of his hand. I could feel it, the betrayal, the anger- the temptation of the darkside now knowing what and who his father was._ **

**_The scene changes again, to another familiar situation that my Uncle told me about._ **

**_I’m heaving- tears pouring down my cheeks as I watch my grandfather pick up Palpatine away from Uncle Luke to save his life. To end Palpatine’s. I feel such a huge difference in my grandfather’s heart in this vision- light, love, regret. He has gone against his master, to save his son, something he wishes he would have done when Uncle Luke was born alongside my mother. The confusion, the darkness, all has seemed to vanish, once he accepted the love he had for his children._ **

**It all goes dark as my name is being said over and over again, almost like a chant.**

**Padme..**

**Padme…**

**Make this right.**

**Padme. Fix what I started.**

*******


	7. Chapter 7: Letting The Force In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme finds herself on the battlefield, fighting through the force when she feels a familiar presence that she thought was lost. Could it be true that he's alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! Look another chapter! We're getting closer and closer to the moment of truth guys... are you excited? I am. Warnings include, death, violence, cursing, the usual! I do not own Star Wars or its characters. I hope that you enjoy this chapter guys! May the force be with you!

Chapter 7

I jolt back away from the saber, falling on my hands. I’m gasping for air, and my hair is sticking to the side of my face from sweat and tears. “That lightsaber was your grandfather’s,” I hear Maz’s voice behind me, “and it seems to be calling to you,”. I got back on my knees leaning forward to obtain the saber in my hands a bit hesitant at first, I was still in fear that I’d be thrown back into the visions. My hands hover for a second, before I bring them down to grasp the lightsaber in them. Nothing happens this time, as I cling to the cold metallic weapon in my hands. My mother told me stories about lightsabers, about how dangerous of a weapon that it was. 

“Why?” I whisper turning it over in my hands, “I’ve never felt a pull to the darkness. Not like my brother,” my voice trembles. There were many times where I could have felt the pull, but I didn’t. I always chose the light. The light felt like a feeling that runs through my entire body, bringing me peace of mind. The darkness has always tried to tug at me, pull me into it, but the temptation for me wasn’t there. Even when the voice inside my head tries to push me towards it, persuade me to give in. The night I force choked Ben, was the last time I had given into the dark temptations. 

It’s quiet for a moment before Maz speaks again, “I like to think that we all hold a bit of darkness in us. It is only you that can choose the light over the darkness, just as your grandfather did in the end,”. I stand on my own two feet now, deciding to flick the blade on. It is red, hot and angry, like most sith blades I have seen. I can feel the pain coming from the crystal inside it, as if it was crying to me. What could I do for it though? “Let the force in, Padme,” Maz is quiet as she speaks. I tighten my grip on the saber, and nod, finally accepting the truth.  _ I had to let the force in. I had to learn the ways of the force, if I’m ever going to defeat the first order.  _

My emotions are swirling around inside me like a storm, the reality of the situation dawned on me. If I don’t learn the force, if I don’t push myself to do the best, the first order may live on forever. I had to do this if I was ever going to fix what my grandfather started many years ago. I turn it off quickly, before the emotions become too much. I turn to her holding it out, as if trying to give it back to her. She shakes her head, “you should keep it, it may help you on your journey, and who knows maybe you can release the crystal of its pain,”. I’m startled by the fact that she even knew that the saber was suffering. Was Maz force sensitive? I can’t begin to ask though before a disturbance in the force hits me so hard that it nearly knocks me off my feet. 

A loud crash echoes outside, and my eyes widen, I rush past Maz looking for my father. I follow my instincts on how to get out, and finally find my way to my father who looks at me and then nods at the door. I follow him outside, and we all stare in shock in fear as red light streaks the sky. Everyone from the cantina is now standing outside, watching in awe and terror at what is happening. I take in a sharp breath as my heart drops, I know what this, in my gut I know. My dad looks at the sky and then at me, the same shocked expression on his face. Finn dashes towards us out of breath exclaiming, “It was the Republic. The First Order, they’ve done it,”. I look at him covering my mouth knowing that I was right, it was another death star, another weapon that could destroy planets and kill millions. I feel bile form in my throat, and I swallow it back trying not to gag. I try to stop the tears from coming but, I can’t help it, as I feel a disturbance in the force that this is causing. Men, women, and children have died, people who mattered, now just gone. _ This has to stop. _

“Where’s Rey?” Finn panics looking around for her. I look around trying to catch sight of her, but I don’t see her. I wipe my tears and shrug, unable to trust my voice. We had to know that the First Order could pull this off again, that they could take away lives left and right. Maz walks up to us ushering us inside and all three of us follow behind her. I clench the saber that is still in my hand tighter in anxiety, as something in the force tells me something else is coming. Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse. We went back down the path that I was on earlier, where I did not notice the other wooden box.

I stand next to my dad as Maz starts digging through the box, “I’ve had this for ages,” she mumbled. Finally, she pulls out what she’s looking for which is another lightsaber. I furrow my brows in confusion, but immediately I know whose it is. It was my Uncle’s, and before that it was my grandfather’s before he turned to the dark side. She holds it out towards my father, “Kept it locked away,”. How did she get both of my grandfather’s lightsabers? The one before his darkness, and the one from his darkness? 

“Where’d you get that?” my dad asks the same question I’m thinking. 

“A good question, for another time,” she emphasizes as she gestures to Finn. “Take it, find your friend,” she insists, and Finn grasps it as she slowly lets it go. He holds it in both hands, and I look down at the saber in my own hand lifting it up. This saber holds a lot of responsibility, but if it meant I could save lives from the First Order I was willing to take it. Another explosion sounds like it goes off, shaking the entire building. I fumble on my feet, falling against my father, who easily catches me and stands me back up right. “Those beasts,” Maz hisses and I nod in agreement.

“They’re here,” we both say at the same time. I close my eyes focusing realizing there is another presence here, an unwanted presence much like the others.  _ My brother. _ I opened my eyes and all three of us started making our way back outside when more explosions started going off. We walk out to see that there are more than a handful of storm troopers destroying the place. There are also First Order TIE fighters in the air, causing even more chaos. I turn on my saber, and my dad looks at me wide eyes and in confusion. I look away from my father for a moment, a wave of worry about Rey washing over me. I was starting to worry about where Rey was, and whether or not she was okay. My eyes wander around looking for her again, but I see no signs of her anywhere. I can feel her, she’s still here, somewhere. 

“A story for another time,” I mumble and he nods pulling out his blaster. He starts making his shots and I try my best to dodge shots from hitting him or Uncle Chewie. I follow behind my dad as we run into the mess of fire. At first my blocks are messy, as I try to block them, but each passing moment I become stronger. I was letting myself absorb, and take in the force, letting it control every movement I make. I was starting to feel much more at ease, each passing moment with the lightsaber in my hands. 

“Come on kid, chewie,” my dad exclaims over the noise. Finn follows behind us, along with Maz, as she encourages Finnt to go find Rey and BB8. Finn runs off in a different direction as dad and Chewie run to hide behind a wall, me dodging blasts as best as I can so that neither my dad or Chewie get it. I turn off the saber, pulling out my blaster and putting the saber in its place. Both dad and I start shooting at the troopers, and I cough covering my mouth with my free hand, all the smoke becoming overwhelming. I have been around way too much smoke and fire lately, I really just need a break from it all. My dad turns to Chewie pointing at his weapon, “hey, can I try that?” Chewie nods and grunts in reply, my dad taking it from his hands. I lower my blaster for a moment to watch in awe at the power of the shot as it takes out two stormtroopers at the same time. No wonder Uncle Chewie carried that thing around with him, it could take out multiple stormtroopers at a time. 

My dad turns back to Chewie holding up the weapon with a smile, “I like this thing,”. Chewie growls in agreement, knowing how incredibly powerful his weapon is. I let out a breath of a laugh before turning my focus back to the battle in front of us. 

I look out to see Finn fighting with the saber, and I know what I have to do. I can take more stormtroopers out with this saber, I just have to trust in the force. “Dad,” I start, “I’m going out there,”. I was antsy for a fight, to take out as many of the enemy that I can. 

“Like hell you are-,” before he can finish the sentence though I am shoving my blaster in his hands and grabbing my lightsaber turning it on. I ran out and I took a deep breath as the troopers noticed my presence. I can do this. I am a Solo and a Skywalker, I could do anything that I set my mind to. I close my eyes only for a second to focus on the force around me, and when I open my eyes once more it’s almost as if the force has taken complete control over me.  _ Trust only in the force.  _

“Alright,” I mumble, mostly to myself, “bring it on,”. The troopers start aiming their blasters and I swing the lightsaber out of my hand before they can even think about it, and I focus my hand as it slices at all three that decided to surround me, knocking them over. I focus even harder to reach out with the force, at first the saber just sits in the air as I struggle to bring it back to me. It starts to spin though, turning off as it swings back into my hand, and I almost jump in glee, if I wasn’t in the middle of a battle. I smirk at the saber in my hand and turn when I hear Finn grunting behind me, I see that he’s struggling with another stormtrooper as he blocks hits with the saber. “Finn!” I cried as I saw him fly back from the hit from the trooper’s weapon. I go to move after him, but a stormtrooper stands in my way quickly pointing his blaster at me. 

I turn on the saber instantly rushing towards him, slashing him across his chest, and he falls to the ground. I continue my way towards Finn, as the trooper looks like he’s gonna make his final blow but, I watch as my dad comes up behind them sending a shot into the troopers chest. This sends the trooper flying back and I sigh in relief as I dash towards them. The place is completely destroyed, and I feel awful for bringing this to Maz and her cantina. This once beautiful planet was now destroyed like everything else the First Order touches. I turn off my saber holding it in my hand at my side. My dad hands Chewie back his weapon and helps Finn up asking him, “you okay, big deal?” 

“Thanks,” Finn simply replies as my dad lets go of him. 

I groan when I hear a trooper’s voice, “don’t move,”. We all turn slowly, putting our hands up, and I sigh in defeat. We tried, we really did, but in the end, it seems that it was all for nothing. Losing Poe, all these lost lives, were for nothing. I close my eyes, trying to think of some sort of plan, and come up with nothing. The force wasn’t enough to take down this many stormtroopers, not alone, not without weapons. 

“TK-338, we have targets in custody,” one of the troopers said. They take Chewie’s weapon, and take mine and Finn’s as well.I feel empty without the saber in my hand now, and my dad looks at me concerned, not really knowing what to do at this point. We were surrounded, and I only used the force for a few seconds, I wasn’t trained, I couldn’t take out all of these soldiers. Here I was again caught by the first order, and now so was dad, Finn and Chewie as well. The thought of them getting hurt was enough to send me over the edge. I always get way too overwhelmed to focus, my emotions too strong, how was I ever going to learn the force? 

I walked behind my dad and Chewie, and Finn was behind us, we all had our hands on our heads. I kept trying to think of ways to get out of this, but there were so many troopers. Even if I could get my saber, or Uncle Luke’s, I wouldn’t be able to take out all of these troopers. I was mostly afraid that this time, Ben wouldn’t let us live. I ran from him, Poe and I got away, after he told me that he was going to kill us both. He was going to be angry, and he would take it out on those I love, and care for. 

“We have incoming at 28.6,” a trooper says and I look at the sky in disbelief. Is the Resistance here to help us?

I stop in my tracks along with my father Finn and Chewie, and I can’t help but smile as both my father and I say, “It’s the Resistance,”. X Wings start to fly above the water towards us and I watch in amazement. How did they know?! The XWINGS start to take out the TIE fighters in the sky, and once again explosions are happening around us. They started tumbling to the ground around us, sending troopers flying. 

“Quick,” my dad says, ushering us forward. We follow behind him dodging the debris the best that we can. We all start obtaining our weapons and both Finn and I find the sabers taking them from the dead stormtroopers hands. Finn grabs a blaster also and starts shooting at the troopers. I followed behind with my saber, taking down any first order soldier in my way, I was starting to feel more confident with the saber in my hand with each use. 

_ I felt him before I saw him.  _

I stop in my tracks, my eyes misting over in disbelief, “Poe?” I whisper. I glance up as an x wing comes flying above us, taking out TIE fighters like it was no problem. Yes, that was most definitely the best pilot in the Resistance. His presence washed over me, filling me up from head to toe with relief. How?! How did he survive? As soon as that thought crosses my mind, another comes immediately after: does it even matter? 

I start running to follow the x wing along with Finn who screams in joy, “Whoo! Yeah! That’s one hell of a pilot!” The x wing comes flying low above us, and I can’t help the smile that reaches my face again, this smile wide and real in disbelief. The presence being much more clear at that point. It was almost like a dream, feeling it, feeling him so close to me after thinking he was gone  _ forever.  _ I grab Finn by the shoulder looking into his dark eyes and say, “you fucking bet he is,”. 

_ Poe Dameron was alive.  _


	8. Chapter 8: The Light In My Galaxy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme Solo is reunited with not only her mom, but someone she never thought she would see again. Will she finally admit how she feels? Or will she keep her heart locked away?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg! It's happening! I am so excited for you guys to read this chapter. This is the last one until next week though! The warnings include blood, violence and cursing! I do not own Star Wars or its characters. I really hope you guys enjoy this! May the force be with you!

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myKI7nR4bfc>

“Padme, look out!” Finn’s voice rings out, and I snap myself out of my thoughts in time to see a trooper pointing his blaster at me and pulling the trigger. I reach my hand forward, calling out to the force again, and focusing my mind. Just like the saber before, the blast sits still vibrating in the air, I flick my fingers in an attempt to fire it back at the stormtrooper. My eyes widen in amazement, as the shot from the blaster moves back towards him and takes him out directly as it hits his chest. I smile and look down at my hand and then back at Finn, whose eyes are just as wide as mine in shock. “What was…,” he begins and I shake my head, lighting up my saber. I will answer everyone’s questions eventually, but for now, we still had a battle raging on.

“Story for another time,” I say loud enough for him to hear. He nods in agreement and he turns starting to release some more shots from his blaster. I start to take out more troopers as I make my way back towards my dad, and we both stop watching as the troopers start to retreat back in their ships. I look at my dad, who has a look of distress on his face, I look to where he is looking and I see it. 

_ Ben solo, my brother, carrying Rey in his arms.  _

I move my feet forward before I can even think about it, the panic settling into my chest, “Rey!” 

“Wait no, kid,” my dad grabs me by the shoulders having me look at him. “You’re not strong enough to face him right now, he’s been training,” I shake my head through tears. I can’t let this happen. I can’t lose someone else to the First Order.  _ I have to do something. _

“I can’t just let him take her. She’s my  _ friend, _ ” I stress and my dad moves some loose strands of hair from my face with one of his hands. My breathing is panicked as I think of what poor Rey will go through being on the same ship as the First Order and my brother. I told her she wasn’t alone, I told her I would try to keep her safe, and now she would come to harm by my own  _ brother.  _ Would he do worse to her than he did to Poe and I? Would he kill her? 

“We’ll get her back, I promise,” he whispers. His face is set with determination, that he too wanted to get Rey back. I nod and he pulls me into his arms for a hug, as I hear Finn himself scream for Rey as well. I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to calm myself, knowing that being a frantic mess would not calm down Finn. I look from the side watching him make a run towards Ben and Rey, and I shake my head. My chest is tight in anxiety at the thought of both of my friends being taken away from me. Finn can’t overpower Ben, there is no way. We had to get Rey back, some other way.  _ We would get her back, no matter what. _

“Finn!” I call out pulling from my father’s grip and making a run towards Finn. “Finn!” When I finally catch up with Finn, the ships are already taking off. I place a hand on his shoulder as a ship flies over us, one from the first order. He’s tense in my grip as he watches helplessly as the ships fly off into the distance. The ship that holds one my friends and my brother. I gulp and shake my head of all thought except for the comfort I need to provide Finn. 

“They took her…,” he gasps, “she’s gone,”. My dad walks up to us alongside Chewie. My dad grabs me pulling me forward to the ship that was landing, and I am able to muster a smile when I realize who’s on the ship. Finn follows slowly behind us along with Chewie and BB8. My dad and I are the first one’s standing in front of the ship as it finally hits the ground. I stand on my tippy toes in excitement trying to see my mom over the crowd of soldiers. They flow out walking past us, when my mom makes her way out. She looks shocked to see us both, and I fly into her arms in seconds. She wraps her arms around me warmly, just as happy to see me. One of her hands is on the back of my head as I dig my face into her shoulder, and her other arm is around my waist. I cling tightly to her arms and her neck. I felt so much relief having both of my parents here. My mom is okay, my dad is okay, I’m okay, Poe is okay… so much relief just overtakes me in that moment. 

“Oh, he was so sure that we lost you,” my mom’s voice shakes and I tighten my grip on her, a small amount of tears falling. “But I knew, I felt you, my sweet daughter,” she hums kissing my cheek. I slowly pulled away from her as she still holds the sides of my arms and she looks me over, looking like she’s going to have a heart attack. “Although in pretty rough shape, I see,” I giggle at her comment when my dad walks close behind us. My mom looks past me and into his eyes, and I decided that maybe I should move out of the way. It’s been a while since they’ve seen each other, my dad has been dreading this moment all day I think. 

I touch her hands one more time before I pull myself away from her and step to the side. I watch from the sidelines as my mom and dad just stare at each other for a moment, completely silent. My mom smiles faintly, but my dad can’t seem to do the same as she takes a step closer to him. Words can’t be spoken though as C-3P0 steps in between the two, “Goodness! Han Solo! It is I, C-3P0,”. I grumble irritably grabbing the droid by his arm and pulling him away, which of course he objects. I pull him with me as I walk over to Finn, who still looks lost and upset after Rey. I can’t blame him, I was relieved to see my mom and know that Poe was alright, but there was a slight feeling of emptiness without Rey by our side. One I never thought I could feel with someone that I had just met. 

“Don’t worry Finn, we’ll get her back,” I assure him. He looks at me through misty eyes and shakes his head no as if he didn’t believe me. I set my face with determination as he begins to speak of his disbelief. 

“How do you know?” he sighs looking defeated. I was much like my mom, whereas even if I lacked hope, I wouldn’t show it. I felt that I always had to be strong for those around me, no matter what it takes. Finn had already seen one of my weak moments back on Jakku, and he was there for me, so I will be there for him. 

“I just do,” I reach up to give his shoulder a squeeze, leaving my other hand still gripping C-3P0. BB rolls up to me, the same sad beeps coming from him from losing Rey. I look between the droid and Finn, “I’ll get her back, I promise,”. Finn only nods in reply, still seeming unsure, but more confident now knowing that I was going to fight for Rey. I would fight for Rey, I won’t abandon her. I will never abandon her. 

My dad walks up to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders, “Are you riding with me or your mom, kid?” he asks. I look at him and think about it for a second, deciding that this would be a good time to talk to my mom. We had a  _ lot  _ to talk about. Maybe she could answer some questions that I had. 

“Mom,” I reply simply. 

He nods as I look down at BB8, “Come on buddy, let’s go,”. I walk towards the ship my mom came on, she’s standing outside waiting for me as if she knew I wanted to talk to her. I follow her inside and towards the center of the ship where there is a booth for us to sit in. She decides to sit, and I follow suit, setting down my saber on the table. My body sags forward slightly in relief, that I was finally giving it a break. The aches and pains from both the torture and crash were screaming at me. BB8 rolls under my feet and my mom reaches over grabbing one of my hands in hers, thankfully the one without the broken fingers.The ship starts to take off now, moving into the sky.

“You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you?” she asks. Her eyes were understanding as they usually were, my mom seems to know how I’m feeling on most occasions. I nod using my other hand to rub my eyes in exhaustion. “I know someone who will be happy to see you, though,” she says as I bring my hand down. I can’t help but grin at this, knowing exactly who she’s talking about. “I sense though, that there is something that you want to speak to me about,” she smiles sincerely. Where to begin? 

I sighed nodding, and pointing towards the saber on the table, “this was grandfather’s,”. 

She nods, “I know,”. I kind of just look at her baffled, on how she could possibly know. “I sensed the darkness coming from it as soon as I saw you,”. 

I hummed in response, realizing that makes sense, because I too sensed it, “when I first touched it, I was thrown into these visions. I’m assuming, of Darth Vader’s past,”. She nods listening intently, and leaning in closer. I swallow roughly, “It was calling to me mom, and at first I thought it was the darkness calling me,”. She looks surprised by my words but doesn’t say anything as I continue, “but I think… I think it’s grandfather calling to me. He did turn back to the light, in the end, right?” 

She nodded yes, releasing my hand and touching her chin thoughtfully, “Yes, your Uncle Luke said that he saw him as a force ghost,”. Grandfather as a force ghost… I wonder mildly why he has never shown himself to my brother and I. Couldn’t he help us? Most importantly, maybe he could help bring Ben back to the light. If Darth Vader himself can be redeemed, why couldn’t my brother? 

“I think it’s time, mom,” I whisper looking up at the roof of the ship. I fear the dark, I fear where the path of the force will lead me, but in the end I must do what I must to end this war and bring peace to the galaxy. If that meant risking the darkness, then I must do it. I had to accept both the darkness and light, if I were to move forward and learn about the force. 

She doesn’t say anything for a moment, and then says the words that I knew were coming, “you want me to train you, don’t you?” I look back down at her, and nod without any words. It was time to let the force in, and to defeat Ben, and the First Order. There was no one else I trusted to train me but my mother. She was the only one who was never tempted by the dark side, and I can only hope that she keeps me on the same path. She had been through so much, almost losing my father, losing her home planet, her parents, Darth Vader being her father. Her brother walked away from her, her son turned to the dark even… and yet she was never tempted. I wasn’t sure where she got her strength, but hopefully she could show me. 

“I’m afraid,” my voice shakes.  _ What if I can never be as strong as she is?  _

“And it is that fear that you must confront,” she leans forward, taking my hands in her own. “The jedi path is not an easy one. There are going to be temptations that you must not give into, but you my dear Padme, are strong. Much stronger than your brother ever was,” her voice cracks at the mention of Ben. I knew that the thought of Ben still caused her pain, because it too caused me pain. Ben was my best friend, our bond was strong, and he chose the darkness over me, over us. 

“What if I’m not?” She squeezes my hands at the words and smiles sweetly. 

“Then let us help you, me, your father, and Poe, we all love you very much honey, this path does not have to be done alone,” my mom assures. The ship starts to move downwards, getting ready to land, and I think of her words biting my lip. She was right, of course, I wasn’t alone. I could train to become a Jedi, I could overpower the darkness, the light was always stronger. I pull my hands from hers, embracing her again, so happy to be with my mom again. She was always able to talk sense into me, to provide me strength that I didn’t even know I had. We embrace until the ship lands and she pulls me away touching my cheeks. 

“I think there’s someone waiting for you,” she kissed my forehead and I nod with a huge grin standing to my feet. It was time to see Poe Dameron again. 

“Come on BB,” I cheer and I make my way out of the ship, filling up with adrenaline. My only focus now was to get to Poe Dameron, as fast as I can. The ship door opens and I walk down it to see the ships all landing, and pilots hopping out. Everyone is racing around as I start dashing through them, BB8 hot on my trail. I’m full on running through the crowd, eyeing every pilot in an orange suit carefully. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, the moment that I’m finally brave enough to not only be honest with myself but with him as well. After thinking the love of my life was dead, there was no way I wouldn’t tell him now. 

“Poe,” I exclaim, trying to find him through all of the orange jumpsuits. I keep screaming his name in desperation in hopes that he can hear me but there’s so many people. I run from XWING to XWING in excitement, knowing moments from now that I’d be in Poe’s arms again. This time, I wouldn’t hold back, this time I would tell him.  _ Poe Dameron I am in love with you. _ I stop in my tracks from a distance, and smile, sensing that it was him climbing down that ladder. I watch him as he pulls his helmet off, and I see the back of his head, the messy curls. My heart flutters in nervousness, nervous that he didn’t feel the same way, nervous that maybe he wouldn't be as happy to see me as I was him. I suck in a huge breath, getting ready to scream I love you at the top of my lungs. 

BB8 races ahead of me towards Poe, and I watch as the two reunite. Poe looked so happy as he squats down on his knees, talking to him. He stops when BB8 says something and starts to look up, his brown eyes meeting my own, “Poe Dameron,” my voice is thick with emotion. He’s on his feet in his seconds as we both start to run towards each other. All of the pain, all of the injuries disappeared as we made our way towards each other as fast as we could. Nothing could stop me now. 

The distance was made short as we clashed into each other, and I am up from the ground being swung in a circle as our lips meet. We collided, my buns in my hair completely fell, my brown curly hair falling around my head.The kiss was everything I thought it would be, his chapped and busted lip soft against my own. Everything fades into white noise as I dig myself deeper into him. I press myself as close to him as I can, not wanting this feeling to ever go away. It was just us at that moment, as we kissed, unspoken words. One’s that should have been said such a long time ago, finally breaking out onto the surface. He pulls me in closely as he stops spinning, kissing me ever harder. He places one hand at the back of my head, his hand taking strands of hair in his fingers, and the other is on my lower back as I step on my tippy toes. It was like I was complete again, here in his arms, as tears ran down my cheeks. After all of the tears of remorse, pain, and regret… these tears were from happiness, and love. I cling to him, one arm around his neck and the other his torso. This was so  _ right. _ I have never felt anything like this before, I felt so much love at this moment that I could burst right here and now. 

The kiss has to come to an end though, because air supply is important. We both reluctantly pulled away, breathing heavily. “Poe.. I have to tell you something,” I’m still gasping for breath as I look up at him from under my lashes. His deep eyes look into my own, his lips trembling from the sobs that dare to break through. 

His eyes are wet and he shakes his head no going to speak and I hold my finger up stopping him, “Let me do this please, let me say this,” and he nods closing his mouth. “Poe Dameron, I am in love with you,” my voice is again thick with emotions as tears run down my cheeks. He takes his hand from the back of my head and wipes it away with his thumbs and I close my eyes at his touch and then open them again. “I am so in love with you, I am convinced that you are the love of my life, and if you don’t feel the same that ‘s okay,” I’m rambling at this point looking into his eyes, I can see how overwhelmed with emotion he is. “But I love you, god, I’ve loved you for so long. You are the light in my galaxy, the reason I’m able to fight, and I thought you died without knowing that and I need you to know that,” I grip tightly to the front of his shirt with one of my hands the other moving up to twirl the curls on the back of his neck in my fingers. “I love you, Poe. I’m sorry I’m saying it so much but…,” before I can speak again he grabs the back of my head bringing me in to kiss him again. I immediately melt into the kiss, my body is jelly against his. 

This kiss was much shorter, and less desperate as he pulled away to look down into my eyes. “Padme Solo, you silly girl, I am in love with you, don’t you ever doubt that,” he pulls me in closer, moving hair out of my face and leaving his hand there. “I love you so much, that I feel like it drowns me sometimes, when I thought… when I thought I lost you, it was like everything was falling around me. That this fight was for nothing. I fight for  _ you _ , sweetheart. You are the reason I am able to get up every morning and fight this war,”. He peppers a few kisses all over my face and I close my eyes giving him a shaky smile. I felt so relieved and happy now, that everything was in the open, that now we were together again. I finally did it, I told him I loved him, and he felt the same way. I knew standing here, our foreheads pressed together, his hand on my cheek, that I never wanted to leave his side again. This was the man I would stand by, and fight with for the rest of my life. I would die for him, I would die alongside him, until the end. 

I opened my eyes again as he mutters, “How did you,” he gestures with hands letting me go and looking at me, “you know?” He seems mostly relieved, no hint of betrayal or anger are in his features. Which is a surprise, because essentially we both left each other to deal with it on our own. Granted, we both thought the other was dead. I couldn’t even muster up anger if I tried, he thought I was dead. He did what I also did, tried to continue out his mission. 

I raise my eyebrows at him, “I could ask you the same thing,”. 

“You know what,” he grins widely, pulling me towards him again, his lips only inches from mine, “it doesn’t even matter,”. His hot breath is on my lips and we both leaned in again to kiss, as if we couldn’t get enough of each other. I know I couldn’t, I could not get enough of  _ Poe Dameron.  _ I would let myself drown in him, and it would be a happy way to go. I just wanted him, now and forever. 

We weren’t kissing long though, when we heard someone clear their throat behind us. We both pull away, and slowly turn to see my father standing behind us, his hands on his hips and an unamused look on his face. I scratch the back of my head nervously, “uh, hey dad,”. He narrows his eyes looking between us and I ask, “exactly, how much of that did you see?” 

“Enough,” he grumbles going silent again. I look at Poe who looks nervous. 

I look between the two and say, “dad this is Poe Dameron, Poe this is my dad,”. I gesture between the two as I speak. 

“Han Solo,” Poe finishes holding his hand out to shake his hand. My dad just looks at his hand and looks back at me. Poe has looked up to my father since a young age, being a pilot and all so I can see his disappointment as he slowly brings his hand down. I turn my attention back to my father as he starts to speak, but it's as if all of the energy in my body is gone. The adrenaline finally gone, replaced with fatigue and pain. I shift on my feet trying to focus on staying standing as long as I can. 

“Hey kid, your mom wants you to get cleaned up and go to the medbay, she nearly had a heart attack when she saw you, and get some rest,” he lifts his finger to emphasize the next thing he was about to say but it all kind of starts faze out as darkness ebbs into my vision. I hear my name blur around me as I try to blink away the darkness. This only worsens the darkness for me, as stars fill my vision. I try to reach out to catch myself before I fall but my body feels like it's going numb as the last bit of darkness takes me. 

~~~

**_I blink a couple of times, and glance around trying to figure out where I am. It looks like I’m standing on a bridge in the middle of a ship, where there’s only a faint amount of light at the center where two figures stand. I can’t tell who they are, but only that the faint light is the red from a lightsaber. My eyes widen in horror, as the figure holding the red lightsaber digs it into the person standing in front of him. My stomach drops in panic and I move to help the person but before I can the scene shifts and changes. Now, I’m standing in the middle of what looks like a forest._**

**_I glance around as I feel cold snow drop onto the bare skin of my arms. My eyes focus on two figures fighting, anger radiating from both of the figures. My head turns slightly at the sudden sound of a faint whimper coming from behind me. I turn my body to gasp at the sight of someone leaning against a tree, and bleeding out. I try to move towards them to help them, but I can’t move from my spot. I try to focus through the darkness in the forest, but there’s not enough light. Who is that? Is it the same person who got hurt before? I turn back around as the ground shakes violently, to look and see the two angry figures from before still fighting, except one of them is on the ground injured it seems._ **

**_The faint light of a blue lightsaber reveals one of the figures to be Rey, and I look to the person on the ground to realize that it was Ben with a long cut from the lightsaber along his face. I can’t help trying to move again to stop their fighting, but I’m stuck. “Rey!,” I call out but she doesn’t seem to hear me as I watch her start to bring the blue saber down on my brother. Right in the moment that it should hit him though, everything vanishes and I am thrown back into darkness._ **

**_~~~_ **


	9. Chapter 9: I'll Follow Every Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme wakes up to Poe and her parents being there, and is ready to jump right back into the fight. It seems that Poe Dameron isn't so ready for her to jump back into danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, happy Tuesday! Here's some more fluff for you guys before shit hits the fan lol. Reminder, I do not own Star Wars or any of its characters. No warnings except for some fluff and maybe some angst. I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter, and thank you for reading! May the force be with you.

Chapter 9

When I finally surface back from the darkness, it takes me a few seconds to blink myself back into light. When the light reaches my vision, I squeeze my eyes shut away from it feeling like daggers in my skull. In the back of mind, I know that I need to wake up, to come back to Poe and my parents. I shuffle under the weight on top of me, assuming that it must be a blanket. It seems that the pain, and injuries have finally caught up with me. I blink slowly glancing around the room in the medbay I was in, which had plain walls, and machines sitting around. When I feel a thumb rub across my hand, my eyes shoot over to Poe who is staring at me with wide eyes.It only took him a few seconds to register that I was awake before he made a move to throw his arms around me. I curl into his form as he sits fully on the bed pulling me into his lap. I’m tangled in blankets and Poe’s limbs, but I could care less. I hid my face into the crook of his neck and let out an exhausted sigh. The aches and pains of my body seem to be only faint now, probably from the bacta gel. Or maybe I could barely notice them due to being in the arms of the man I love more than anything. 

“You scared the shit out of me,” he mumbled into my hair as he started to run a soothing hand along my back. I let out a broken and small laugh, clinging even tighter to him. I seem to be scaring the shit out of him constantly. He had one arm wrapped around my waist, and the other on the back of my head as if to cradle me. I pull away slightly to look into his dark and tired eyes, and he brings his hand up to brush a loose strand of hair from my eyes. We just stare for a moment, lost in each other’s eyes. After being away from Poe, thinking he was dead, I wanted to soak in every moment I can. Before I can say anything back to him, I hear someone clearing their throat behind us. Poe is gentle and quick to move me from his lap and stand from the bed. I glance up to see my parents standing, my dad with his arms crossed and grumpy look on his face, my mom holding a tray of food with a smug look on hers. Two extremely different attitudes about the situation we are currently in. 

“Hey mom, dad,” I mumble as my mom steps closer to place the tray of food in my lap. I look down to see a bowl of broth, some cut fruit, and a cup of water. It wasn’t until I had food sitting in front of me that I realized how hungry I was. My eyes linger on the food for a moment, and then I look up to my mom and dad, both are equally worried about me. 

“How are you feeling?” my mom asks quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed. Poe moves silently away to step out of the room, but I’m quick to reach out and grasp his wrist in my hand. Panic seized me at the thought of being away from him, of not seeing him in front of me living and breathing. I imagine it would take a couple days to recover from thinking he was dead. Luckily, the hand I reached out with wasn’t the one with the broken fingers, so I was clinging pretty tightly to his wrist. Although, I’m sure he could easily pull from my grip if he wanted to. 

“Don’t go,” my voice sounds vulnerable, broken even. Poe looks between the three of us unsure, but my mom gives him a nod of encouragement to stay. I don’t let go of his wrist as I look back at my mom who grabs my other hand in her own, giving it a small squeeze. I flinched slightly at the sudden movement to my broken fingers, they felt better but were still stiff and a bit sore.“I feel better,” I assure her, looking at Poe, then my father. “I barely feel any pain,” I shrug with a grin on my face, which leads to Poe and my dad rolling their eyes.Nothing has changed, I was injured a lot as a kid too, and I would brush it off like it was nothing. Despite the injuries, I do wish to jump back into action. I need to get Rey back, and I need to fight against the First Order. There was no time to lay around, I had to get back up and fight. 

“We’re going to let you get some food in you,” my mom says looking at my father who’s mouth is still set in a hard line. “Han,” she scolds, which seems to knock my father out of whatever angry trance he was in. He took only a few large steps to get right besides my bed, and leaned down to place a soft kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and open them back up to see my father and mother walking out of the room hand in hand. A small grin reaches my lips, and Poe takes his seat back next to my bed, my hand still wrapped around his wrist. I slowly let go now that I know he’s not going anywhere, and move to start digging into my food. Poe scoots closer to the bed, watching me closely, a mixture of emotions shifting in his features. I stop with a spoon full of broth in the air, giving him a confused look.

“What’s wrong?” I question quietly. He scoffs softly, rubbing his forehead with his hand, trying to think what to tell me. I slowly bring the spoon to my mouth, swallowing and place the spoon back in the bowl waiting patiently for his answer. I knew that the last couple of days were difficult, for the both of us. We were okay now though, we were both alive, and together. I had to remind myself of this, or the last few days would consume me. 

“I just..,” he starts and stops, contemplating his words and then continues, “I’m happy you’re okay, but I wish… I could have protected you,”. I look over the man I love, and notice the bags under his eyes, the pain, and all around he looks defeated. The last couple of days did take their toll on him. Watching me suffer at the hands of my brother, couldn’t have been easy for him, and then thinking I died. Poe avoids looking at me for a moment, and I reach out for his hand squeezing it. He looks at me with those dark eyes that captivate me each moment I look into them, and I give him a reassuring smile. None of this was his fault, we knew that being a part of the Resistance has risks. Those risks were completely worth it though, if it meant I can give the galaxy a life they deserve.

“Don’t worry, Dameron, I’m ready to jump right back into action,” I assure, and I falter at the anger that enters his face when I say this. His jaw tightens, the little vein in his forehead popping out and he shakes his head no furiously. His mouth is set in a deep frown, just like my father’s was earlier. Did he really think that I could sit anything out, that I would? When has he ever sat anything out, besides when my mother forced him to? 

“Absolutely not,” he snaps his hand tightening around my own. I blink in shock at his words, slightly confused. This wasn’t the first time I’ve been injured, and jumped right back into fighting. Being a part of the Resistance, most of the time required that. Sometimes you didn't have a choice, you had to keep fighting no matter the pain you’re in. “You could have died, princess, I can’t lose you. I won’t, you need to rest,” he tries to reason noticing the silent fury that is bubbling up in me. 

“Who are you to tell me I can’t fight?” I object. 

“Pa-,” he starts but I stop him in the middle of my name.

“Poe, they may have beat me but they didn’t break me,” I shake my head, causing an ache to enter my temples. I take a deep breath to continue, “I am General Leia Orgena’s daughter. The second in command, don’t doubt my strength,”. Poe leans down, his face in his hands, as he tries to calm himself before continuing this argument. We didn’t argue much, unless it was about my or his well-being. Most of the time, both of us were guilty of not tending to ourselves and our safety. When it came to the other though, that was different. I care for his safety and health much more than my own, and for him vice versa. “Poe,” my voice is softer now and he slowly lifts his head to look at me. His eyes are wet, and I tighten my grip onto his hand, “Poe there something I need you to never doubt,” I begin and he looks into my eyes non blinking, “I will follow every single star back to you, no matter what it takes,”. 

He reaches out with his free hand to touch my cheek and his breath hitches before he speaks, “I’d watch every single star, hoping that it was the one leading you back to me,”. I give him a big smile leaning into his touch and closing my eyes. I open my eyes as he removes his hand, leaning back in his chair. We’re quiet then, as I continue to eat my food and he just watches his face contorted in pain and relief. It would take time for things to go back to normal, and that was okay.I was happy to just be back with him, that he was alive, that our feelings were finally out in the open. 

As I take the last bite of the cut fruit, I look at Poe with a raised eyebrow curious of what we’re going to do now. He attempts at a smile and stands on his feet as he takes the tray from my lap setting it to the side. “We have a little while until we have anything that they need us for, do you want to go back to my room and nap?” Poe asks as I sit up putting my bare feet on the cold ground. I nod looking down at my clothing with a look of disgust. Someone changed me into some kind of hospital garments, light blue pants and shirt. Poe chuckled quietly at my expression as he came to put his arm under my knees and the other one around my back as he lifted me easily. I think of objecting for a moment as he starts to carry me out of the medbay, but I decide against it. I’m still pretty exhausted, might as well let him carry me around for a bit. I close my eyes resting my face against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. I let the sound soothe me and lull me to sleep. 

The last thing I hear is Poe murmur, “I love you, Princess…,” and the last thought that crosses my mind before slumber takes me under again is,  _ ‘I’m finally home,’.  _

~~~

**_“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” I stand in front of Poe Dameron my shoulder length hair a mess, and my eyes red from crying. My heart flutters at the new nickname, and I look at my feet trying to find the right words to say as to why I was waking him up in the middle of the night. I glance back up to see him rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, his curly hair is a mess on the top of his head. He’s just wearing a plain white t-shirt, and some shorts. I have to admit, a sleepy Poe was kind of cute. I try to read his emotions, to see if there is any annoyance but I can’t find any in his expression._ **

_**I look into his soft eyes before speaking, “I- I had a nightmare,”. I can barely even hear myself, so I’m not sure how he heard me. Somehow he did though, because he gently wraps an arm around my shoulders and ushers me inside his quarters. He shuts the door behind us and gestures towards the bed. I’m hesitant at first, I’ve never been in Poe’s room before. I look around to realize it's just as plain as my own, except for some photos on his dresser. Some with people I don’t recognize, a couple with Snap and Jess, and surprisingly one I didn’t even know was taken. I remember the moment well though, it was at one of the many celebrations, Poe and I standing next to each other with a huge grin on his face and me laughing. One of those rare moments of happiness I’ve had in the past couple of years. I can’t really remember what I was laughing about, but I do know that it was only of the few nights I went to a celebration with him instead of the x-wing graveyard.** _

**_“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks as I sit down on his small bed, and he sits next to me. We’re sitting so close on his small bed that our shoulders were touching. I’m quiet for a moment flexing my fists in my lap, he reaches over grasping both of my small hands in his large ones. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,”. I take my lip in between my teeth, nervously. I have spoken to Poe about certain subjects, but never about these nightmares that keep me awake each night. He knows partly about my suffering, but I didn’t want to overwhelm him with information. My past and family were a lot to deal with, that much I know._ **

**_“I uh… I have nightmares. They’ve been happening since before Ben turned,” I whisper, and he nods looking at me as he listens intently. “I saw before he turned that he was going to turn, and now usually I see when he’s about to kill someone, or when he does, I’m not sure why. It’s almost like we’re connected or something,” I tremble at the idea of being connected to the man that has caused me so much misery. Poe uses his other hand to run his fingers slowly through my hair trying to soothe me. I lean into his touch embracing the warmth radiating from. Just being in Poe’s presence I could feel my nerves settling, and like the bad dreams were just a memory. I had stumbled around these halls every night, walking past his door. Every time I woke with tears running down my face, it was him I wanted, maybe even needed. When had I become so close to Poe? When did I begin to let him in?_ **

**_“Usually,” I speak slowly, “I can handle them, on my own. I have been since my brother left. But this one…” I choke trying to not let the tears take over again. I close my eyes but then open them rapidly when the dream comes back to my vision. Seeing Ben stab his red lightsaber into Poe’s chest again was enough to want me to never close my eyes again. His calloused thumb runs soothing circles on my knuckles. Poe was always so kind to me, no matter what I needed he was there for me._ **

**_“What was the difference between this one?” he asks patiently. That was Poe. He was always patient with me, no matter what. When I got frazzled or unsure, and upset he was there. No questions asked, no hesitation… This man was always the steady rock that I needed in my life. My rock in the middle of the chaos that is my life. Well… not mine. He wasn’t mine. I was too afraid to ever let it get that far, I was a coward._ **

**_I look up from our hands and I look into his eyes again, one’s that light my way through the dark. “It was about you,” when I say this he looks startled. I decide to continue, “Ben had found out about you, and used you against me. He… he... ,” I try to finish but before I know it the tears are choking me up again and I pull my hands from his covering my face so that he wouldn’t see me cry. He saw me cry enough, I didn’t want to burden him with my own pain. He had enough to deal with on his own._ **

**_“Oh no, sweetheart, please don’t cry,” he begs me as he easily pulls me into his lap. He sits me where I am facing him, and my legs around his waist, and he slowly pulls my hands from my face. He wipes the tears away with one hand and runs soothing circles on my back with the other. I can feel every nerve in my body relax as he tries his best to comfort me. As if he can soothe away this painful nightmare that haunts me under my eyelids. It feels like my own mind is against me sometimes._ **

**_“I don’t think I can lose you Poe, he’s already taken someone I love away from me,” I almost jumped out of my skin when I realized I admitted to loving him without even saying it. He gives me the gentlest of smiles and pulls me into his chest kissing the top of my head. I closed my eyes, letting out a soft breath, I felt so safe and warm here in Poe’s arms. I never wanted to leave. Even if I did… kind of admit that I loved him just now. If he caught on, he didn’t say anything, which I mostly appreciate. I wasn’t ready for that conversation._ **

**_“Don’t worry about me, Princess. Nothing can take me away from you,” Poe assures quietly._ **

**_“How are you so sure?” I mumble into his chest. Ben was strong, he had the force on his side. He had killed all of those innocent Jedi, he killed Abel. Poe pulls me away from his form to look into my eyes. I swallow thickly, and sniff, wiping at my tears with my sleeves as I wait for his next words._ **

**_“Nothing can take me away from you,” he repeats, his eyes are serious. I had never seen him so serious before, sure he was serious on missions. Even on missions though, he was able to crack a joke or smile. Right now, he looked as if he wanted to scream the words so that I could understand him. Nothing can take me away from you._ **

_**I nod, tearing up again and throwing my arms around him, digging my face into the crook of his neck. My body is overtaken with sobs as he wraps his strong arms around my frame bringing me as close as he can to me. I hold on tightly to him as if he’s my lifeline. I need Poe Dameron. I didn’t mean to do this. I didn’t mean to fall for him so fast, and to need him as if my life was dependent upon it.** _

**_But I did._ **

**_Nothing can take me away from you, Poe. Not even the strongest forces of the universe. I am yours, until the end of time._ **

**_~~~_ **


	10. Chapter 10: Keep Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme Solo now is almost completely healed - and wants to jump right back into action with her father, Finn and her Uncle Chewie. This mission could be the end of everything, will the love of her life and her mother allow her to fight alongside them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! How are you guys doing? The only warnings for this chapter are the fluff and some angst. A quick reminder, that i do not own Star Wars or any of its characters. Thank you for reading, and I hope you guys enjoy! May the force be with you!

Chapter 10

I stir in my sleep at the sound of familiar beeps and I smile but then frown turning, realizing that Poe was no longer next to me. I frown deeper anxiety filling my chest, but then I calm at the sight of BB8 at the side of the bed looking up at me. I sit up slowly placing my feet on the floor, I touch BB8 gently on the top of his head, “hey buddy, where’s Poe?” I stop when I hear Poe’s voice outside the door speaking to someone else. I hadn’t even heard him leave the bed, I must have been more exhausted than I thought. I usually sleep pretty light after what happened with Ben those many nights ago, on top of being part of the Resistance… you kind of needed to be a light sleeper. You need to be ready and up in a few seconds if need be. I take my lip in between my teeth listening carefully to Poe speaking outside the door.

“She’s doing better, the bacta gel has healed most of her wounds,” Poe says, there’s an edge to his voice I’m assuming from everything that’s happened the last couple of days. The other person is quiet for a moment but as soon as she speaks I know who it is. 

“Thank you, Poe, for taking care of her,” my mom responds. “She’s very lucky to have someone who loves her so much,”. I can see Poe getting flustered in my mind when she says that, and I hear my mom laugh. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed, you’ve loved her for a while now,” and I smile at her words. It made me wonder if everyone noticed and never said anything. Although, my mom knew Poe and I best, and she also knew I was trying to numb myself to my feelings. How well that turned out, huh? Either way, it must have been partly obvious if my mom noticed that we loved each other when we didn’t. 

“Yes ma’am, more than anything,” Poe replies softly. My heart flutters in my chest at his words and I look down at BB8 who beeps happily. How was I so blind to it? How could I not realize he was in love with me? You can just see the way he looks at me and know the way he treats me, the way he takes care of me. Poe Dameron, has been in love with me, for the creator knows how long. We both have been in love for so long, and have wasted so much time, that I knew now that I would never waste anymore time. I will live every single day out loving Poe Dameron, and showing him that I love him. 

“Just promise me one thing commander,” my mom whispers. She sounds as if she’s full of emotion, and concern. My mom was a force to be reckoned with but when it came to her loved one’s, you could say she had a weakness. I knew that my mom would do anything that she can to protect me and care for me, until her last breath. 

“Anything, general,” Poe says firmly. 

“Take care of her, she’s been through a lot. She likes to play herself off as strong for me, and you, and everyone else, but even the strong need love and support. It is going to be a difficult path for her, the Jedi path, the darkness will always try to pull her,” she stops for a second thinking on her words I’m assuming, “but we can help her stay along the right path,”. They’re both quiet for a moment probably sharing a glance or two. I suck in a breath between my teeth, knowing how worried she must be about me. As much as I tried to cover up the suffering I have been through since Ben and Abel, I know she has to feel it. She has to know there has been a pull to darkness before for me. I look down at my hands, dread feeling my very being. I could only hope I was strong as my mom always was. My mom has lost so much, and yet she has never felt a pull towards the darkness like my Uncle Luke, Ben, or grandfather. I hope that I hold that much strength, to choose the light over the darkness. 

“I’ll be by her side no matter what, that you can trust General,” I smile at Poe’s words and I hear footsteps of my mom walking away. When the door slides open, Poe stands in the doorway for a moment just staring at me as if he was love struck. He smiles so big that it looks like his face might hurt after a while. 

“Hello, handsome,” I give him a cheesy grin, and he mirrors it walking into the room as the door shuts. He sits next to me pulling me into his lap, and kissing the top of my head. I close my eyes in content and let out a little noise of happiness. I would never deny my feelings again, not when they feel this good. It was nice to feel something again, something that wasn’t pain. I haven’t felt this happy in years, a prickle of fear makes my heart beat hitch, that maybe this might be all taken away from me soon. My family mostly back together, having Poe at my side, the only thing that could make this perfect was getting Rey and Ben back. Rey back from the First Order, and Ben back from the darkness. 

“Hello, gorgeous, do you feel better?” He asks and I blush at him calling me gorgeous. I opened my eyes to look at him and give a small nod. I could barely even feel most of the injuries I received as the bacta gel slowly heals them. 

“A lot actually,” I stretch and flinch when a sharp pain hits my ribs, “well mostly,”. He rubs my back soothingly, and we sit in silence for a moment. I lean against him and he takes in a breath of air. My mind wanders back to everything that’s happened in the past few days, and how Poe was willing to sacrifice himself to prevent anything happening to me. He told Ben to do what he wants to him… to just leave me alone. I tighten my grip on Poe, tears stinging at my eyes at the thought of the situation. It scared me that he was so willing to give himself up, and I could only hope that I could protect him from any harm in the future. 

“Can I ask you something, Poe?” I said quietly. I felt him nod his head yes on top of my own, “when we were captured by the first order, by Ben, why did you try to sacrifice yourself for me?,” I felt myself choke on my words. I knew that Poe loved me, that was a fact but we were always supposed to choose the Resistance first. I look up into his eyes, and all of his features. His forehead was creased with confusion, and he nods allowing me to continue with my questions. “You were so quick to sacrifice yourself for me, why?” My voice was thick with emotion. He seems sincerely confused by the question I asked him, his eyebrows furrowed. He didn’t seem to know what to make of the question it seems. 

“Because,” he whispers, turning my body around to wrap my legs around his waist. He places both of his hands on each side of my face, and I give him a wet smile as he speaks, “I love you,”. I close my eyes leaning into his touch a single tear falling down my cheek which he rubs away with his thumb. “It was so difficult, princess, being without you,” his voice breaks, “It was just a few days, but it felt like an eternity,”. I suck in a huge breath of air as he continues, “I thought that I would never see your beautiful eyes again,” I open my eyes to look at him. “That I would never get to say love you,” I look into his chocolate brown eyes that made me melt. I still couldn’t believe that we were here, that he was alive, and that he loved me. War usually did not have mercy, but it seems this time it did. 

I bring my hands up to grasp his, “Poe, I… when I lost you. Thought, I lost you…when I thought I wouldn’t be able to live the rest of my life with you, I was so angry with myself, for not letting you in, for not admitting the obvious,”. I’m quiet for a moment, taken over by my emotions.I wasn’t sure what to say to him, after everything that he’s told me. He felt the same that I did, we couldn’t live without each other. I blink away my tears looking into his eyes, and he gives me a small encouraging smile. 

“I love you so much, Padme, and I want to be with you for the rest of my days, if that’s what you want too,”.Poe gives me a short kiss after his words, and I nod happily with a huge grin on my face, and lean in for another small kiss. The kiss is short, and soft, and I hope there is never a day that I kiss him one last time. His lips, his love, holds me down like an anchor, keeping me tied to reality and the light. 

As I slowly pull away I say against his lips, “Until my last breath, Poe Dameron, I”m yours,”. He smiles against my lips pulling my body closer to his and I hide my face in the crook of his neck. “Even after that,” I say into his neck, which leads to him only tightening his grip on me. I was being honest, until my last breath, and in whatever afterlife that I walk into I will love Poe Dameron. He is the love of my life, this love was different from all the others. I may have loved before, but not like this, not so strongly. 

He kisses the side of my head and pulls away to look at me, “Your mom just stopped by to let us know that people are asking for us, we need to talk about what happens next, do you want to get ready?”. I inwardly groan, but nod nonetheless as he releases me slowly from his arms. There’s never a break during a war, that was something that you could be sure of. I stand on my feet, a bit shaky at first but more firm than before. I walk over to his dresser digging for my spare outfit that I keep in his room. I finally found what I’m looking for, a pair of brown pants, a dark vest and a white long sleeve. Poe turns around trying to respect me as I undress but I just giggle. “What?” he asks with a laugh.

“Nothing” I chuckled pulling off his pajamas that I’m wearing. He doesn’t move from his turned position though as I throw on my outfit. I look around for my holster, and grab it when it catches my eye on his dresser. I strap it on, noticing the empty space where my blaster was before I lost it in Jakku and the lightsaber that I left on my mother’s ship. I would need to get a new blaster, and see if my mom grabbed my lightsaber from the ship. 

“I just want to respect you, is that so bad?” he joked. I shook my head no, and sat down next to him on the bed. I don’t think any other man would have respected me like that, though. 

“Not at all, do you mind doing my hair?” I ask. Poe had learned how to do my braids and buns that I wear, a couple years back. He usually does it when I’m too tired to do so, and of course it took him a while to get the hang of it but sometimes he’s better at it than I am. The crazy thing was that it was his idea. I turn my body facing him, and cross my legs waiting for him patiently. He glances over my figure and gives me a small nod. 

He lets out a small sigh and stands off the bed to go get a hairbrush and the other supplies necessary to do my hair. He sits back down behind me, and starts to brush through it working his way with my hair. I close my eyes feeling slightly relaxed as he does my hair. Once he finishes he gently squeezes my shoulders to let me know that he’s done. I opened my eyes back up standing and Poe followed, “you ready, sweetheart?”. I lace my fingers through his, giving him a small nod, and we walk out of the room, hand in hand, towards the meeting. 

Walking down the hallways, BB8 behind us, we ran into Finn. Finn looks completely surprised at seeing Poe and they both embrace each other for a short hug, which leads to Poe letting go of my hand. They have a short conversation as they embrace, both surprised to see each other. I watch with a small smile as the two pull away from each other and Finn looks at me. “Padme, we need to help Rey,” Finn asserts and I nod in agreement looking at Poe who looks slightly confused. 

“Rey is a friend that we made back in Jakku, she helped us to get BB8 back here, and my brother has her,” I explain to Poe and Finn looks startled for a moment. 

“Kylo Ren is your  _ brother _ ?” Finn blurts and Poe shushes him quickly.

“Well, I know him as Ben Solo, but yes, back on topic here,” I look at Poe again, “we need to see if mom will help us get her back,”. Poe nods in agreement, grasping my hand in his own again. He gives my hand a small squeeze as he starts to pull me besides him. 

“Well, then let’s go then,” Poe says, pulling me towards the base of operations, Finn walking on Poe’s side. As we walk Finn continues to tell us most of what he knows about the weapon we saw, and working on that base. Poe and I listen intently, knowing that we will need this information. We walk down some stairs and I catch sight of my mom in the crowded room and Poe pulls me towards her. “General Organa,” Poe says as we make her way to her, and I stand next to him as we stop. Finn stands behind us nervously, looking between the three of us. 

“We’re sorry to interrupt,” I say as I look at the individuals she’s talking to who only nod in response. My mom gives all three of us her attention now. I look at Poe, allowing him to start the conversation.

“This is Finn,” Poe says gesturing towards Finn, “He needs to talk to you,”. Finn moves around nervously, unsure if my mom would actually help him in getting our friend back. I knew that she would though, once we figured out our next step. 

“And I need to talk to him,” my mom speaks moving closer to Finn with fondness in her eyes. “That was incredibly brave what you did. Renouncing the First Order, saving not only this man’s life,” she points at Poe, “but my daughter’s,”. Finn looks taken aback, again looking at me in surprise but then looking back at my mother. I smile sheepishly at Poe who just chuckles at the interaction. Finn still had a lot to learn about me, I had a long history. 

“Thank you, ma’am. But a friend of ours,” Finn gestures towards me, “was taken prisoner,”. I nod looking between them and choosing to speak. 

“Mo- General, I think that I should go back to rescue her,” I assert firmly, knowing full well that she doesn't want me out of her sight after this last mission. Poe looks at me narrowing his eyes well, probably feeling the same way. I can handle myself, I made it back even if it was beaten and tattered. 

My mom cut her eyes towards me but then turned her attention back to Finn, “Han told me about the girl, I’m sorry,”. My mom’s words are sincere, she was like me in the way that she knows every life is important. She would do anything to save a life, even though sometimes nothing could be done. 

“Finn’s familiar with the weapon,” I start and my mom looks at me. This a conversation the three of us had on our way here. He could help us to take out the weapon, hopefully, because a weapon with that kind of paper needs to be taken out. We couldn’t let another planet be wiped out by this sadistic weapon. 

“That destroyed the Hosnian system,” Poe continues for me and she looks between the three of us. “He worked on the base,”. I still couldn’t believe that Finn was capable of going against his conditioning. I’ve met several stormtroopers,none of them have shown the kindness that Finn has. He has a good heart, despite the conditioning and darkness that the First Order tried to force him into. 

My mom looks at Finn, I can tell that this was important to her, to the resistance, “We’re desperate for anything you can tell us,”. It feels sometimes that the First Order is one step ahead of us every time, maybe this time that wouldn’t be the case. 

“That’s where our friend was taken,” Finn says distressed. I can tell that his main focus was getting Rey back. While I felt the same, I want to save her, but I also know the Resistance is usually my first priority. “I’ve got to get there fast,” I reach over patting his shoulder reassuring him that we would. I never leave anyone behind, not if I can help it. 

“And I will do anything I can to help,” my mom assures looking between Finn and I. She could feel that this was important to me also, so I know she will do anything she can to help Rey. “But first you need to tell us all you know,” my mom is determined as she states this. My mom makes her way to the center of the room, and we all follow behind her. Poe still has my hand in his grasp, rubbing his thumb soothingly along my knuckles. We stop at the center as CP3P0 pulls out the drive from BB8 putting in a slot so that we can all see it. I glance over it again, the disappointment settling over me again. I know how much my mom wanted to bring Uncle Luke back, but at this point it almost felt impossible. I look up at my dad who is standing away from us, and give him a pained look. I wasn’t ready to hear my mom’s disappointment that this mission was basically pointless. 

“General, I regret to inform you but this map recovered from BB8 is only partially complete. And even worse, it matches no charted system on record, we simply do not have enough information to locate Master Luke,” he says looking at my mom. I reach over to grasp her hand in my own, giving her a slight squeeze. I knew this had to be frustrating for her, it was for me after all of the trouble we went through to get this map here. 

“Can’t believe I was so foolish to think I could find Luke and bring him home,” my mom mutters. I know that she’s suffering, being away from her brother, I too know the feeling all too well. I felt pained as I looked at the hurt on her face, wishing that I could take it away from her. 

“We had no way to know, mom,” I whisper reassuringly to her. 

My dad walks closer to us also trying to soothe her, “Leia…,” 

“Don’t do that,” my mom grumbles, pulling away from me and starting to walk away. 

“Do what?” my dad asks.

“Anything,” she says simply walking away. I look at my dad at a loss of words and he just simply shrugs. My mom had every right to be angry with my father, I don’t blame her. Part of me wanted to be angry with him, but I loved and missed him too much for that. He had abandoned us, after things became too difficult. Not only did my mother lose her son, but she lost her husband as well. All in one day. 

“Princesses,” 3P0 scoffs and I raise my eyebrows at him. I watch as my dad follows behind her and I let out a sigh rubbing my temples with my free hand. This is not how I was expecting any of this to go. I can’t believe after everything we still won’t be finding Uncle Luke. 

“Back to fighting,” I mutter as Poe pulls me into his arms. 

“Hey,” he says, trying to calm me, “it’s going to be okay,”. 

“How?” I ask sadly, “without a full map to Uncle Luke, how do we have hope?” 

“By sticking together,” he assures running his fingers through my hair, again a gesture he does to always calm me. I only respond with a nod looking around at all the chattering and noise going on around us. I’m not sure how Poe kept his hopes up at all times, but I wish he could share his secret. I notice that Finn is gone, probably gone to tell the other captains and commanders what he knows. I watch my mom and dad from a distance, and it seems that they aren’t arguing anymore. I took a deep breath trying to calm my nerves, sensing that something may be coming. One important thing that I have learned about the force the last couple of days, is that when someone has the intent to kill that you can usually feel it. At the moment, I felt that, so intensely, that it felt like it was ripping the air from my lungs. 

“Poe,” I say quietly. He looks down at me just humming in response, “something is coming,” I move closer to him so that he can only hear me. “I can feel it, murderous intent,” my voice trembles, and his eyes widen in surprise. He goes to respond to a question about what I’m saying my mom walks up to us. 

“Commander,” my mom walks up to us looking frazzled. “We have some reports, and it isn’t good news,” I squeeze my eyes shut at her words knowing I was right. I open them again and walk besides them as my mom starts to explain as we come to a control panel where everyone is surrounding. I stand next to Poe on one side, and Finn on the other. My mom stands at the other side of the table glancing up at Poe waiting for him to speak. 

Poe leans on the panel, a map pulled up as he starts to speak, “The scan data from Snap’s reconnaissance flight confirms Finn’s report,”. I look around at everyone’s distressed look on their faces. 

I lift my head to watch someone else speak as they continue Poe’s sentence, “They’ve somehow created a hyper-lightspeed weapon built within the planet itself,”. My heart drops at his words, and I see that on everyone else’s faces as well. Terror struck me at the idea of what Finn told us being true, another weapon like the death star, but worse. Much worse. 

“A laser canon?” someone else asks. 

The bearded man from before speaks again, “We’re not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale,”. It was a death star, I think to myself, but don’t say it out loud. We were dealing with another death star. 

Ematt with his graying head and beard speaks the obvious, “It’s another death star,”. 

I let out a sigh and spoke up from my spot, “but it’s much worse,” and they looked up at me. I swallow thickly looking over at Poe, “I’ve seen it in action, it’s much much worse,”. Poe nods looking away from me and looking at everyone else. 

“She’s right, Major,” Poe says, crossing his arms and I look at the shock on everyone’s face. “This was the death star,” he pulls up a hologram of the death star and it sends a shiver down my spine. “And this is the starkiller base,” everyone gasps in shock, breaking out in frantic and scared chatter. I fall back on my feet at the size difference, and shake my head. How much terror would they rain across space before we could end it? There were already millions of lives lost, and I can’t help but wonder if there would be so much more. 

“So it’s big,” my dad talks with his hands and I look over at him raising my eyebrows. 

“You saw it in action too, dad,” I murmured and he rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to the others. 

“How is it possible to power a weapon of that size?” someone else asks. 

“It uses the power of the sun,” Finn explains and I glance over at him, “as the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears,”. Someone catches my mom’s attention and hands her something and I watched her intently trying to feel what she is feeling. I focus and realize she is feeling what I’m feeling, pure fear. I knew that something was coming. 

“The first order, they’re charging the weapon again now,” my heart stops at my mom's words and I look at Poe, who has the same expression on his face. I lock hands with him under the table, trying to find something to keep me steady and calm. “Our system is the next target,” everyone once again breaks out in gasps. Poe runs his free hand through his hair, the terror evident on his face. 

“Oh, my, without the republic fleet, we’re doomed,” 3P0 says with anxiety. 

“Okay,” my dad says, being the voice of reason, “how do we blow it up? There’s always a way to do that,”. 

“Han’s right,” my mom agrees and I nod along with them. These types of weapons always have a weakness, we just have to figure out what it is. I look over to Finn, who looks anxious, but I’m almost sure he must know a way to take out this weapon. We have to do something, anything to take out this dangerous weapon. 

Satura speaks now, “In order for that amount of power to be contained that base has to have some kind of thermal oscillator,”. My eyes follow Satura, and then to Finn. 

“There is one,” Finn says walking around to point out where it is, “Precinct 47,”. He points at it and we all lean in to look at it, “Here,”. 

“If we can destroy that oscillator,” Statura speaks, “it might destabilize the core and cripple the weapon,”. He walks around the hologram focusing. BB8 rolled under my feet and I gave him a weak smile before looking back up again. 

“Maybe the planet,” Ematt nods agreeing. 

Poe speaks up now, “We’ll go in there, we’ll hit that oscillator with everything we’ve got,”. 

“What about the shields?” I ask looking at Poe. 

“We disable the shields,” my dad counters. My dad looks at Finn with his hands out, “kid, you worked there. What do you get?” 

“I can do it,” Finn assures. I look over at him trying to sense if he’s telling the truth, and I feel unsure about what he says. He’s blinded by emotion right now, his main priority getting Rey back. I had to trust that Finn would follow his word, if not, the resistance may fall. 

“I like this guy,” my dad smirks, and I roll my eyes. 

“I can disable the shields, but I have to be there,” as Finn says that I look at Poe. “On the planet,” Finn finishes. That would make sense, disabling the shields would have to be done there. We could go and disable them, and be one step closer to defeating the First Order. 

“We’ll get you there,” my dad assures. 

“Han, how?” my mom questions. 

“If I told you, you wouldn’t like it,” my dad responds and I look between the two. He wants to take the falcon, and I was going with him. I had to. Something inside me was telling me I had to be there with my dad, that my dad needs me. Even if I had to face Ben again, it didn’t matter, I would be there for my dad. 

“So we disable the shields, we take out the oscillator and we blow up their big gun,” Poe says determined and Chewie growls in response. My dad and I smile at Chewie as Poe speaks again, “All right, let’s go,”. Everyone starts clamoring around but I stop Poe quickly before he can leave. He looks down at me confused, “Yes sweetheart?” I grow nervous knowing this wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation. We both just got away from the First Order, me barely able to walk, so of course he wouldn’t want me to go. 

“I’m going with them,” I speak firmly, knowing he won’t be able to change my mind.

He jolts back in surprise grabbing both of my hands in his, “Excuse me- you’re what?” My mom walks up behind him, confused by our banter. It was rare that Poe and I argued, so she wasn’t sure what was going on. 

“What’s going on?” my mom asks, stepping besides Poe who let’s go of my hands. 

“Your crazy daughter here wants to go with Han, and Finn,” Poe sounds like he’s going to burst at any moment as he gestures with his hands. My mom looks at me astonished and she shakes her head no. I knew they would both be against it, hell, my father may be against it too when he finds out. All they care about is my safety, but I can’t hide out while everyone else is fighting. That’s not something my mother would do. 

“Padme, I’ve already lost your brother, I can’t lose you too,” she grasps my hands in her. Her eyes are wet, and I feel my confidence falter, at the idea of making my mother suffer more than she already has. I had to though, I had to do what was right and fight until the end. 

“Mom,  _ please _ ,” I beg. “I need to be there, for dad, you have to understand, it’s like…” I stop looking into her eyes, “the force is telling me to be with dad,”. She sighs, her eyes turning even more misty, and she grasps my hands in her own. I squeeze her hands tightly as she brings me into a hug, wrapping her arms around me. My mother was my best friend, and knowing that gave me the strength to push through this mission and win. 

She hugs me tightly and I close my eyes. “Come back to me, Padme, come back to me in  _ one piece,”  _ she speaks into my hair and I nod. I felt slightly unsure about making a promise like that, I had a bad feeling about this. Which is why I had to go. I had to protect my father, and I would do anything to protect him. I hug her tightly, closing my eyes, trying to put this in my memory. I want to remember what it was like to be here with everyone I love. 

“W-What?! You’re going to let her go?!” Poe exclaims in frustration. My mom lets me go, giving Poe a pointed look which silences him. He knows better than to question my mom, well most of the time. I look between the two as Poe’s anger only seems to grow, but he slowly nods at my mom looking away from us. 

She touches my face one more time, “I love you my sweet daughter,”. I took her in one last time, the crows feet on her eyes, the wrinkles from years of pain and stress. She brings her hand down and starts to walk away, and I don’t move my eyes off her until I can’t see her anymore. Leaving my mom and Poe behind even just for this mission was going to be difficult. Poe just stands there with his mouth open for a second, and I walk up closing his jaw gently. 

“Poe,” I urge him to speak to me. I touch his face softly but he pulls away from me, anger and betrayal evident in his features. I felt slightly hurt at the fact that he pulled away, but I remind myself that he’s only upset and worried. I feel just as worried about him going out there in his XWING and blowing up that weapon. Anything could go wrong, on either side of it. I could only hope that we would make it back to each other. This was part of being in the Resistance, fighting until our last breathes. 

“We just got each other back Padme- how can you just… leave again?” he tries to keep his tone level. I can tell that he’s overcome with emotion, trying not to lose it in front of everyone here. He was commander, they looked up to him, which meant that he had to control his emotions to his best ability. He’s angry, I know that, he doesn’t want to lose me and I feel the same way. He’s the love of my life, but we had to help the galaxy. 

“You’re doing the same thing,” I accuse back at him, knowing full well that he would be in one of those XWINGS, trying to take out that weapon. He shakes his head furiously grabbing my wrists in his hands. He would be in just as much danger as me, if not more. Poe was a fantastic pilot but that can’t keep you safe every time. 

“That’s  _ different _ ,” he cries, “you are literally going back to the first order, near your brother again, what if… what if he…,” he stops unable to speak anymore. I reach my hands up to touch his face gently, and he doesn’t pull away this time. It hurts me to see him so distressed but, this was something that I had to do. If I face Ben, then I must do my best to get out of the fight alive. Although, I was hoping to avoid Ben all together. The vein in his forehead is popping out again, and that’s how I know he’s frustrated and angry. 

“Do you trust me?” I ask quietly. I glance over his features, the crease on his forehead evident. His brown eyes are shaded over with stress, and there are bags under his eyes. Poe Dameron looked exhausted, and hopefully after this battle he would be able to rest again. 

“Of course,” is his automatic response. 

“Then trust me when I say this,” I speak getting on my tippy toes so that I can look up into his eyes, “Poe Dameron, nothing can take me away from you, not the strongest forces of the universe,”. I bring my hand to the back of his neck to lace my fingers into his curls and I move him in for a deep kiss. This one letting him know how I”m feeling, the love, the promise that I would come back to him alive. As we pull away he laces his fingers through my hair and takes one last glance at me, drinking in everything about me. 

“I love you, princess,” he whispers. 

“And I love you, commander,”. 

Hopefully, love would be enough to get us both through yet another battle. 

***


	11. Chapter 11: Let The Darkness In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme Solo jumps right back into the fight -but is this one that she can win? Will she live to see Poe Dameron again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update guys! I hope that you are doing well. I also hope that you are prepared for some... angst. So much angst. Warnings for this chapter include: major character death, major character injury, blood, explosions, cursing, etc. I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter, let me know what you think! A reminder that I do not own Star Wars or any of its characters. Thanks for reading! And as always, may the force be with you.

Chapter 11

I stand up from my hunched position by the falcon, wiping my hands on my pants. The falcon had a couple of things that needed to be fixed before we could take off. I straighten up taking a deep breath, and taking a look around at all of the resistance pilots getting ready for this mission. I couldn’t help but wonder, how many of them would be making it back to this base. I blink and watch as Finn walks up, with Poe following behind him. Finn walks over to start fiddling with some weapons on the ground and I turn my attention back up to Poe who has a blaster in one hand and his jacket in the other. “Hey sweetheart,” he says, stopping in front of me. He's dressed back into the orange jumpsuit, ready to fly out there and destroy this horrible and dangerous weapon. I swallow the dread back, trying to not let the anxiety take over. This could be the last time I see him, I’m not sure I’m quite ready to come to terms with that. We’ve done this thousands of times, but yet… this time it felt different. I try to give him a small smile as he gestures towards me with the jacket, “I hear it's cold on that planet, I thought you might need this,” I open up my palms to take it and throw it on over my vest. The familiar scent brought some comfort, as I felt anxiety for this mission bubble up into my chest. 

“Thank you, Poe,” I say moving closer to him but he stops me.

“That’s not it,” he says, holding up the blaster and eyes widened in realization. I looked up into his coco eyes, and let out a small breath. 

“Is that my dad’s blaster, the one I lost back in Jakku?” I ask in surprise. He only nods with a smile as I take it from his hands and look it over. I slid it into my extra holster I added due to the fact that now I also carry a lightsaber. I was happy to have the blaster that my dad gave me as a child back in my possession, especially when I thought I would never see it again. I throw my arms around Poe’s neck, and move in closer to him, our lips barely touching. “I love you, Dameron. Be safe, okay?” My voice was thick with sadness and worry, unsure of when I’ll see him again. I would never get used to saying goodbye, no matter how many times we did it.This was war, we never really knew if we were going to make it back to each other. I close my eyes trying to soak in what it feels like to be here with him. How safe I felt, here in his arms as he wraps them securely around me. I touch my forehead to his and open my eyes to look at him, my eyes starting to water. His eyes look right back into mine, soft, sweet, ones that I could fall into and disappear, and forget about this war. 

“I love you, Princess, and you promise the same,” he mutters and I crack a small grin going to kiss him but my dad pulls me away from Poe before I can. I let out a small groan, rolling my head around to look at my dad in annoyance. I narrow my eyes at him, wondering why he couldn’t let his grown ass daughter kiss her boyfriend before they both go into both highly dangerous missions. 

“Okay, okay, that’s  _ enough _ ,” he grumbles, pulling me towards the falcon. I take one last glance at Poe giving him a small wave, and he waves back turning and making his way back to his x wing. I watch him until his back isn’t visible anymore, when he’s only an orange blur and I turn around as my mom walks up to us. Her hair is still up in a bun, and her aging eyes look tired and worried. I can’t blame her, sending two of the people she loves most straight into the line of fire. All I could do is try my best to get my father and I back to my mother. 

I look up to hear my mom’s voice speaking to my dad, “You know, no matter how much we fought… I've always hated watching you leave,”. My dad looks up at her, and I look in between the two feeling my insides twist. I hate goodbyes. I decide I can say goodbye to my mom after giving them some privacy and I take my chance to walk over to Finn who is messing with some explosives to allow my dad and mom to say their goodbyes. Finn looks up at me with a weak smile and I knelt down next to him to help him. I dig through the weapons he’s going through, both of us silent for a moment. 

“Do you think we’ll get Rey back?” Finn asks quietly and I nod. 

“You can trust me when I say this, Finn. I’ll get Rey back, no matter what it takes,” I say determined and he nods, seeming a bit more hopeful than before. I knew it was hard for him to believe me when he barely knows me. I would prove it to him when we finally get Rey back to us. I glance up to see my dad holding my mom against his chest, and I can’t help the tears that fill my eyes. I really did feel a sense of worry going on this mission, not for myself, but for my dad. Something just didn’t feel right, and I was hoping that I could protect my dad and bring him back to my mom safely. Finn looks at me and then looks up at my parents hugging. He doesn’t seem to know what to say at first, and I can’t blame him. He doesn’t know the entire history of our family, of why Ben turned, or why I hadn’t seen my father in years. 

“Are you happy he came with us?” he asks carefully. 

I nod my voice full of unshed tears, “more than you can know,”. I watch as my dad releases my mom and they both make their way towards me. It was still strange having my family mostly back together, there were only two people missing and we would be complete. I wondered mildly, if I’ll be able to bring Ben home to them, make our family complete again. I look into her brown eyes, lined with years of worry and war. I wonder how she does it, continues to fight, after so much loss. Is she angry? Is she angry that we had won a war, only to be thrown into another, her son being partly of blame? 

“Take care of each other, alright?” my mom says to me as I stand. My dad wraps his arms around our shoulders pulling us into him and I can’t help feeling choked up being here with my parents. I take it in, put it into my memory, being together again before I respond to my mother. I nod, letting her know that I always had my dad’s back. “And if you see Ben…,” my mom starts and I shake my head reaching out in front of my father to take my mother’s hands. I knew how painful even the thought of Ben was for her, and I would try my best to bring him back to her. Even though at this point, it feels like an impossible task. My dad tightens his grip on us and we stand there in silence for a moment, the uncertainty of the situation hovering over us. 

“I haven’t given up on him, mom,” my voice is quiet and she only nods. She places a kiss on my cheek and pulls her hands away reaching into her pocket. I watch her as she pulls out my lightsaber, which I had almost completely forgotten about. She holds it out towards me looking up into my eyes, and gives me a soft smile. I simply take it from her palms and look down at it, and look up to see her pulling from my father’s grasp and walk away. I watch her disappear and my dad tightens his grip around my shoulders for a moment. He seems almost hesitant to let go, to jump into this fight. I can’t say I blame him. 

“You ready, kid?” he asks. I drop the lightsaber into my other holster, before choosing to look away from my mom’s retreating form. 

“As I’ll ever be,” I respond as the four of us make our way onto the falcon. My dad sits down in the pilot seat, and I sit next to him in the copilot seat as we get the falcon started up. I’m pressing buttons in front of me, trying not to let the stress or anxiety completely consume me. If we went in there confident, then maybe this would all turn out fine. I would make sure that this all turns out fine. I have to. I avoid looking at anyone else in the cockpit, unsure if I could control my emotions after the painful goodbyes I just had to make. Saying goodbye isn’t new to me, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less every time I have to do it. I had to focus. I had to get those shields down, and bring Rey and Ben home. I had to fix my family. 

We’re quiet for a moment as Finn walks up behind us and my dad decides to speak, “so that’s Poe Dameron, huh?”. I look over at him trying to find the right words to say but only nod in response as I continue pressing buttons. I knew it was a father thing to be protective over their daughter, so I figured I would just let him be. We didn’t really have time for the normal pleasantries anyway. Although, I would love for Poe and my dad to bond sometime in the future. I’m sure after all this is over, that my father could get to know him and love him just as much as I do. I hope so, anyway. 

“He’s okay, I guess,” my dad looks out the window, “as long as you’re happy,”. I give him a small smile when Finn decides to speak behind me. 

“Does he make you happy, Padme?” he questions and leans on my seat. I turn my head to look at him and nod. Poe was the only happiness I could find in the midst of this chaos and pain. He was the light in my darkness, I’m not sure I would have ever made it this far without him. I just hadn’t realized it, until it was almost too late. 

“The happiest I’ve been in a long time,” I reply and Finn smiles as I turn back around focusing on the mission ahead. Chewie walks up behind us as we start lifting up into the sky and take off. We’re back to the silence as my father and I focus on flying the falcon. It was almost like old times, in my mid teens when I would fly around the galaxy with my father. Before the galaxy back into darkness once again. The only difference now was the fact that Finn was here, and we’re on our way to try to save the galaxy. 

“How are we getting in?” Finn asks looking over the controls as we fly. 

“Their shields have a fractional refresh rate, keeps anything traveling slower than lightspeed from getting through,” I nod as my dad speaks, slightly surprised. We’re going to fly into there at lightspeed? I can’t say I’m surprised, my dad is known as the risk taker, and that hasn’t seemed to change with age. I look sideways at him, to his brown and tired eyes staring ahead determined. 

Finn seems just as surprised as me when he says, “We’re making our landing approach at lightspeed?”. Chewie growls in response and I shrug, I always trusted my dad. He usually got us out of sticky situations,  _ usually _ . 

“Kid, get ready,” my dad glances up at me and I can’t help when the corners of my lips twitch into a grin.

“I’m always ready, dad,” I look down at the controls and Finn sits down behind me trying to find a firm grip. We all knew this was going to be a rough landing, I could only hope that we’ll be able to get ourselves out of here after such a rough landing. 

“And… now!,” my dad proclaims as we both start pressing the buttons necessary for lightspeed. The ship starts moving quickly down towards the rocky terrain of the planet, and anxiety fills my veins. This was going to be a tough landing. I look at my dad as Chewie starts to yell. “I am pulling up!” my dad yells back at my Uncle. Pull up, pull up, pull up… 

“Whoah, whoah, whoah!,” I scream in terror as the falcon collides with trees falling towards the ground. This poor ship. The ship shakes as we hit everything in our path, and I look up to see Chewy and Finn being tossed around behind trying to keep a firm grip on well…anything.

Chewie grunts again and my dad yelled back, “I get any higher, they’ll see us!”. We burst through some trees to an open space of ground full of snow. My body surges forward as the ship hits the ground roughly, and I gasp for air as it finally comes to a stop in the thick snow…. Almost right over the edge of a cliff. “You alright, kid?” my dad says looking over at me. I take in a huge breath of air to speak when I’m stopped by  _ his _ presence. The feeling of… hatred… anger and confusion washes over me, making me feel as if I’m suffocating. I knew these weren’t my own feelings, I’ve never felt such hatred before. 

I stare off into space as soon as I sense my brother’s presence, and feel his intent.  _ Ben’s here. And he wants to hurt someone.  _ I can’t quite figure out, who, or how, but he wishes to hurt someone. I blink, and I almost think I see him. Standing right in front of me, I look up into his brown eyes, as everything else around me goes dark. His mask is off as he gives me a confused look, and then looks around us. I swallow the only sound I can hear is our shallow breathing, and my rapid hearbeat. I tighten my fists, and look up from my seated position and wonder if he knew I was here. Did we know father and I were here? Before I can think of anything to say to him, my dad interuppts.“Kid,” my dad speaks to me again and I look up at him standing from my seat instantly. Everything fades back to normal as I my eyes roam around the familiar ship. I just want to get this done, so that I don’t have to face Ben. Ben was ready for a fight, I could feel that much, and today was not the day that I wanted to fight him. I would put that off for as long as I can. 

“Yeah, I’m fine, let’s just go,” I mutter and they stand following me outside the falcon. We had landed in an empty field, and I tried to memorize our location so that it’s easier to find later on. We make our way towards the building near us, the cold snow slowing us down. It’s freezing out here, and I felt forever grateful to Poe for giving me his jacket. I hold my blaster in my hand as the cold snow hits my face, and wets my hair making some loose strands stick to the side of my face. I follow Finn next to my dad, who has Chewie right behind him. I dig my empty hand in my pocket in hopes to keep my hands warm when I feel something in there. I slowly pull it out to see that it’s a communicator, and I smile slightly. Poe always thought of everything. It was nice to know I had a way to speak to him, if things came to the worst. I slide it back into the pocket when we finally make it to the building we’ve been trudging towards. 

“The flooding tunnel is over the ridge,” Finn starts, “we’ll get in that way,”. 

“What was your job when you were based here?” My dad questions. 

“Sanitation,” Finn replies simply and I look at him with wide eyes, and my dad does the same. He grabs Finn by his jacket turning him to look at him and I stand back watching. Deep anger and frustration is etched into my dad’s features, and I have to say, I do not blame him. I felt a sense of anger at Finn as well. If he was sanitation, he probably had no idea how to disable the shields. Now we would have to figure it out on our own, which will take even more time, of which I do not want to spend here. I can’t believe… no I can believe he lied to us. He only wanted to come here for Rey, that much was obvious. 

“Sanitation?” my dad replied angrily, and Chewie grunts in agreement. “Then how do you know how to disable the shields?” my dad asks aggressively. I shift on my feet trying to find the words to say to Finn, to portray the anger and hurt I felt towards him right now. 

“Finn, did you lie to us?” I ask trying to sound patient. I was anything but patient though when I thought about the fact that we would now have to try to figure this out. I’ve never disabled shields before, I’m usually in a XWING! Finn’s eyes are wide as he looks between us, stressed out by the sudden tension. 

“I don’t,” Finn says looking between my dad and I, “and I didn’t,”. He looks at me before he speaks again, “I’m just here to get Rey,”. I had to know. I had to know because Finn never cared about the resistance, he only cares about Rey. I couldn’t even look at him now as I turned the other way, my face in my hands. I understood where he was coming from, I really did, I was here for Rey too, but I was also here to save the resistance, my mom, my friends, Poe… 

Everyone was counting on us. 

“People are counting on us, the galaxy is counting on us,” my dad emphasizes the importance of this mission. I don’t dare look at either of them as I try to reign in my anger, and level my breathing.  **_He lied to you, why not punish him?_ ** I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing I didn’t have time to fight this voice right now. Finn just cares about Rey, I can’t be angry with him for that… right? 

“Solo, we’ll figure it out,” Finn continues, “we’ll use the force,”.

I turn on my heels quickly looking at him bug eyed when both my dad and I exclaim, “that’s not how the force works!”. 

Chewie grunts and my dad turns to him frustrated, “oh really, you’re cold?” 

“Come on,” Finn says as he starts walking and we hurry behind him. I still feel slightly frustrated with Finn but all that we can do now is get in there, and somehow figure this out. It’s a long walk towards the main building of the base, and I’m already feeling exhausted and frozen but I force my legs to keep going. We finally made it inside, taking an elevator, remaining silent after the small argument we had. When we stop and the door opens there’s a trooper standing there who is interrupted mid sentence when Chewie shoots him down. I giggle at Uncle Chewie as we move to step out of the elevator. 

My dad starts to discard his extra layers as we step out of the elevator, “the longer we’re here the less luck we’re gonna have,” I nod in agreement with his words and fiddle with Poe’s jacket as we walk forward. Let’s get this over with. 

“Let’s get the shields down, get Rey, and get out of here,” I say and they nod along with me. I look back at Finn, “the shields?”. He nods giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before pointing to a hallway in front of us. 

“I have an idea about that,” Finn says and we follow him down corridors. Finn shushes us as we hide behind a wall waiting for a certain silver plated stormtrooper to walk past. Chewie tackles her quickly as he sees her and we stand around her with our blasters up. Chewie holds a gun to the back of her head, my dad to her front and I stand besides Finn narrowing my eyes at her. I hold the blaster rightly in my grip looking at Finn, letting him take the lead on this one. 

“Remember me?” Finn asks. 

“FN-2187,” she spits. 

“HIs name is Finn,” I growl walking closer to her holding my hand out. “You’re going to do what we ask,”. There was this little trick that Uncle Luke had told me about when I was a child, I was pretty sure my mom had used on me to do chores before when I was younger. Uncle Luke hadn’t taught me the trick per say, but I knew enough to try to use it. Why not? If it could make it much easier on the mission. 

“That’s right Phasma, my name is Finn. And I’m in charge. I’m in charge now, Phasma. I’m in charge,” Finn grins and I slap his arm gently trying to get him to calm down and my dad grasps his shoulder. I can’t help the grin that lights up my features at his antics, knowing this was just pent trauma from being part of the First Order. He finally feels like he’s in charge, and I could understand that. 

“Bring it down, bring it down,” my dad whispers and Finn nods a simple yeah leaving his lips. I gesture for both of them to stop and look back at Phasma, hoping that this trick that my Uncle Luke told me about as a child would work. It would make this simple, and quick. The faster we could get out of here and away from my brother the better. I knew I told my mother I would try to bring Ben back to her, but I can feel his intent. I wasn’t strong enough to take him, not today. 

I bring my fingers up to her face saying softly, “You will show us how to turn off the shields,”. She tilts her head in confusion, and I close my eyes trying to focus and then open them again. This time I speak in a more calm and leveled tone, “you will show us how to turn off the shields, and you will not alert anyone that we are here,”. Phasma was quiet for a moment as my dad and Finn watched stunned. I’m sure my father has seen the force at work before, but Finn probably has not. 

“I will show you how to turn off the shields,” she mutters turning on her feet. My dad and Chewie still hold their guns toward her back as we follow her down the hallways of the base. 

“How did you-,” Finn starts to ask but my dad interrupts him.

“Don’t even bother, kid. I quit trying to understand the force a long time ago,” I chuckle at my dad’s comments as we make it to the control room where we can turn off the shields. Phasma sits down and starts pressing buttons as the door shuts behind my dad. I really did not think that would work, but I am glad that it did. It makes things a lot less complicated. I look down at my hands, and can’t help to wonder what all I had held myself back from when I shut myself off from the force. 

I stand hovering over Phasma as Finn walks over to my dad gesturing with his hands, “Solo, if this works we’re not gonna have a lot of time to find Rey,”. I glance up at Finn away from Phasma. Finn was right, but knowing how stubborn my dad was, I knew we would find Rey and get all of us out here in one piece. If not him, I would. I would get Rey out of here, even if it meant I didn’t get out of here. 

“Don’t worry, kid,” my dad looks at both of us, “we won’t leave here without her,”. My dad smiles and I smile at them, happy that we are almost finished. I look back over as the screen beeps and I watch as the shields go down. I can’t help but smirk, finally having an easy win today. Now we just have to find Rey, and get the hell out of here. I had a small idea of where she could be, seeing as I just had been captured here. I’m sure Finn had an idea too, so finding her shouldn’t take long. 

I turn her to look at me and kneel down to her eye level, “You will stay here, and you will not warn anyone that we are here,”. 

She nods in response, “I will stay here, I will not warn anyone,”. 

“What do we do with her?” Finn asks, pointing his gun towards her. 

“Is there a garbage chute? A trash compactor?” my dad asks excitedly and I roll my eyes. As hilarious that would be, we do not have the time. The goal now was to find Rey, and leave this awful place. 

“Don’t worry, she’ll stay, let’s go,” I gesture towards the door and Finn walks us following behind him. We start making our way back down corridors, and I keep an eye out for Rey. Knowing her, she probably got herself out of now, at least I hope so. She could be anywhere on this ship, and we had to get out of here as fast as we can. We stop and Finn peeks around before turning back around to us. 

“We’ll use the charges to blow that blast door, I’ll go in and draw fire, but I’m gonna need cover,” Finn says looking at us and I nod raising my blaster. I had Finn’s back, he’s my friend, and we would get Rey back. 

“You sure you’re up for this?” my dad asks. 

“Hell no,” he shakes his head, “I’ll go in and try to find Rey, the troopers will be on our trail.We have to be ready for that,” I look past Finn and smile realizing my dad sees the same thing that I do. I see Rey, on the other side of the window, climbing her way to freedom. My dad nods towards the window but Finn just keeps speaking, “There’s an access tunnel that leads… Why are you doing that? Hmm? Why are you doing this?” he nods and does the face that my dad is doing. I chuckle at him, turning him to look through the window. He gapes walking closer to the window to see Rey. Finn laughs with a smile on his face, and I mirror it walking closer to the window as well. I knew Rey was tough, but I was still dumb founded about how she got herself away from my brother. 

We make our way towards her, startling her as we all round the corner. We all let out a yelp as she points her blaster at us but we hold our hands out to let her know it's us. She lowers the blaster and I quickly embrace her, “Thank goodness you’re okay,”. At first she’s not sure how to respond to the hug, but slowly she starts to return it. I linger in the hug for a moment, just relieved to be reunited with my friend and see that she’s okay. I pulled from the hug to look her over quickly, making sure she had no serious injuries. 

“Are you alright?” Han asks as we pull away and she nods looking between us.

“Yeah,”. 

“Good,” my dad responded, walking away to look further ahead.

Finn comes close to Rey, looking her over for injuries as well, “What happened to you? Did he hurt you?” In such a short period of time Finn really did grow to care for Rey, but I can’t blame him so did I. It was like a connection, one that was instant the moment we all met each other. I couldn’t deny it anymore, the force did work in mysterious ways. I met Finn and Rey for a reason. 

“Finn, what are you doing here? Padme?” She looks confused. I reach out for her hand and squeeze her hand tightly in my own. She wasn’t used to someone coming back for her, but she would have to get used to it. I would find her everytime, I would come back for her everytime. No matter what. 

“We came back for you,” we say together when Chewie yells. I turn my attention to him, giving him a small grin. 

“What did he say?” Finn asks and Rey looks teary eyed between us. 

“That it was your idea,” she looks at Finn and then hugs him tightly letting go of my hand. She pulls away to look at us both, “thank you,”. 

“How did you get away?” Finn asks. 

“I’m curious as well, how did you?” I question.

“I can’t explain it,” she looks between us, “and you wouldn’t believe it,”. 

Before I can respond my dad walks up, “Escape now, hugs later,”. We all nod following behind him back towards the elevator. I feel something odd in my stomach as it drops, and look around, before we step in. It’s okay, we’re leaving, it’s okay, we’re leaving…

“I have a bad feeling about this,” I whisper but no one hears me. I’m happy we found Rey, but for some reason, I think that this wasn’t over, not yet. Chewie hands my dad his jacket from earlier as he steps in last and my dad takes it from him slightly confused. The doors shut and the elevator starts to move, I let out a shaky breath. “Dad,” I look up at him and he glances down. His aged features furrowed in confusion, you think I would be relieved that this mission was a success so far. 

“What is it kid?” he replies. 

“I-,” before I can finish the door opens and he’s hurriedly gesturing us out of the elevator. We start making our way back outside into the snow, but we all stop to stare up into the sky. The resistance looks like they are struggling, and my heart goes out to the x wings up in the sky. “Poe, please be okay,” I whisper toying with the communicator in my pocket. “We can’t,” I look up at my dad who nods in agreement as we turn back around. I watch as a XWING drops out of the sky and my heart stops at the sight. 

“They’re in trouble,” my dad starts, “we can’t leave,”. I nod in agreement as we all look at my dad as he speaks again, “My friend’s got a bag full of explosives, let’s use them,”. I nod as we race towards the falcon to grab the explosives. We gather them making our way back to the base. We split up, myself going with my dad and Chewie, and Finn and Rey the other way. I hold up my blaster as the elevator door starts opening. As soon as we notice the stormtrooper we start shooting them down walking through the hallway. We dodge their hits easily, taking them down one by one. My dad gestures for Chewie and I to follow him as he throws off his jacket again to the side. We were going to place some explosives in the center of the ship on some pillars, if we can take out most of it from the inside that could make it easier on Black Squadron to take it out. 

I sigh in relief when the door opens, realizing Rey really knows her way around anything electrical. “Ah, girls know her stuff,” my dad acknowledges stepping through the door, both Uncle Chewie and I following behind him. I hum in agreement and Chewie grunts as well as we move quickly through the corridor. We walk out onto a path way that hovers above the main part of the weapon. All three of us look below and my dad says, “We’ll set the charges against every other column,”. Chewie growls tilting his head at my dad, and I nod in agreement. That was a good idea. “You’re right, that’s a better idea,” my dad says looking down at me. He thinks for a second and then looks at Chewie, “You take the top, Padme and I will go down below,”. We all nod and my dad hands him the detonator, which Chewie only grunts in reply. “We’ll meet back here,” my dad points down. We turn away from Chewie starting to make our way down. 

I felt nervous, unsure of what was about to happen that made my heart beat so rapidly. Maybe we should go back, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. What if Ben comes? I can’t imagine what Ben would do to my father or I. We start walking down some stairs, but I stop my dad by grabbing his wrist and he looks at me. “Come on, kid, we don’t have time,” my dad ushers me forward. I was starting to think that maybe we should just leave. This wasn’t going to end well, that much was for sure. 

“But dad-,” I stop when I feel it. I finally feel it. My brother. Ben Solo.

_ He’s here.  _

“Come on,” my dad pulls on my hand as he starts placing bombs on the columns. I follow behind him, and take some from his hands doing the same. The quicker we got this done, the quicker that we could get out of here and away from Ben. I stop as I feel his presence comes closer, and I choke. I’m not strong enough to fight him, not yet, so if he turns to hurt me or dad I’m not sure what I will do. What can I do? How can I fight my own brother? A feeling of dread washes over me, when I realize I would do anything it takes to save my dad. Even if it meant fighting my brother… or worse. 

“Dad we need to go,” I assert and he turns to look at me but then turns back around when he hears footsteps. I see Ben walking out to the center, as if he was just waiting for my dad. It’s too late. They both have already made their minds up, I can see it on their faces. “Dad wait a minute,” I whisper, grabbing him again but he only pulls from me. Dad has to know this is dangerous, that this isn’t a good idea. 

“Stay here,” he says quietly walking towards where Ben is standing.  _ Like hell.  _ I follow quietly behind my father walking onto the bridge. My dad steps on, his voice loud as he says Ben’s name. Ben stops in his tracks and my throat tightens, I can feel what his intentions are from here. He was torn, but he had made his mind up, if this is what would set him on what he thinks is the right path, he would do it. I watch intently as I slowly lower my blaster, my hand other hand hovering over the lightsaber. Ben slowly turns to look at my dad, and then glances behind my dad to look at me. My dad’s eyes wandered behind him to look at me and he groaned. “Padme, leave,”. He knows I wouldn’t listen, not when it comes to him. 

“No,” my voice shakes, “not without you,”. My dad only turns his attention back to Ben. I can't see his face, only his back. I peek ahead and look at my brother who still has his mask on. I wasn’t ready to hear him speak again, with that distorted voice. The one that haunts my nightmares. I wasn’t sure what to do in this situation, my brother was much too powerful for me to fight. 

“Han Solo, I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time,” The robotic sound of his voice rings out in the empty space. My dad doesn’t speak, he only starts to take slow steps towards Ben. I go to follow, but I feel myself stiffen as I realize Ben is using the force to hold me in place. I try to fight it, and grunt in pain as I struggle. “Solo is right,  _ you should leave _ ,” Ben’s voice is as cold as he flicks his fingers, throwing me back. I fell on my back, grunting in pain as sharp stabbing pains radiate through my ribs. I watch from my place on the floor as my dad continues to walk towards Ben. I take a minute to gather my strength as the dull ache in my tired limbs fade from my attention. 

“Dad, stop,” I cry clamoring to my feet walking right behind him. I stop in my tracks as my dad speaks again.

“Padme, please,” he begs, not even looking back at me. I breathe heavily as the two come face to face. “Take off that mask, you don’t need it,” our father demands. Why was my dad doing this? We promised to protect each other, to get back to mom. I can’t even begin to know how my mother will feel if Ben goes through with this. If he takes away somebody else from our lives without a second thought. I know Ben was lost and confused, I can feel. The fight he is having with the light, to do the right thing. I look up to see him stiff in his place, unable to see his face due to the mask. 

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” Ben asks coolly. 

“The face of my son,” my dad’s voice cracks, and my eyes fill with unshed tears as I step closer, trying to make up the distance between us. Ben slowly lifts up his hands, the familiar hiss of the mask going off as he removes it holding it at his side. I glance at my brother, his dark hair longer, his eyes darker. I can feel the internal conflict in him, the resistance to the light weak. He still had light in him, but in my heart I knew he was not ready to choose that light. I watch as a mix of emotions wash over Ben’s face, his eyes crinkled at the corners in pain. 

“Your son is gone,” it was strange hearing his normal voice again, “he was weak and foolish like his father. So I destroyed him,”. My dad starts taking steps closer to him again, and I start walking closer as well. Ben was wrong, our dad was never weak. He was hurt and in pain, but he was not weak, in the end he chose us. In the end he chose to come and bring his family back together. 

“That’s what Snoke wants you to believe, but it’s not true. My son is alive,” my dad speaks strongly. The tensions in the room are high, and I try to ready myself for anything as I place my finger on the trigger of the blaster. I was half tempted to shoot my brother here and now, end this before it even started. 

“No,” Ben shakes his head, “The supreme leader is wise,”. 

“Snoke is using you for your power,” my dad asserts stepping closer again, “when he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you,”. Ben takes a small step back, and I watch in despair. Ben please just listen to dad, come back to the light. “You know it’s true,” my dad finishes quietly and the silence lingers for a moment after. I can see the conflict on my brother’s face as he struggles with his emotions, part of me knew he didn’t want to do this. His eyes shade over with unshed tears, and a single tear drips down my chin slowly. 

“It’s too late,” Ben whispers. 

“No, it’s not,” my dad takes steps closer, they were almost face to face. “Leave here with me, with your sister. Come home. We miss you,”. Ben’s eyes linger from my dad to me, and I opened my mouth to speak, but only closed it again deciding it wouldn’t help. I didn’t even begin to know what I could say to him, to change his mind. To bring him back to me, to us. Ben glances back at my dad, his attention back on him. 

“I’m being torn apart,” Ben’s voice breaks with tears, “I want to be free of this pain,”. My heart aches in my chest, knowing what he thinks will free him of his pain. I can’t allow this to happen, I can’t lose dad. I could feel Ben’s pain, as if it was my own, as if I had been through every ounce of struggle that he had been through that led us up to this moment. The faint light in the room, creates a shadow on Ben’s face as he comes to his decision. 

“Ben don’t,” I warn, taking steps closer my feet begin to move rapidly. I was almost to dad, I was so close I could almost touch him. All I had to do is move him out of the way, and after that I would do what I have to do. Whatever it takes, my friends and my father would make it out of here. 

“I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it,” Ben continues. 

“Ben, please don't” I cry, “Dad!”. I reach out grabbing the back of my dad’s jacket, wishing he would turn, wishing he would come with me. I stand still holding the cloth of his leather jacket in my hands. “Dad,” I whimper, “don’t let him do this,”. I lift my blaster ready to pull the trigger, ready to do what I must to save my dad, even if it meant  _ killing  _ Ben. 

Both of the men ignore me, “will you help me?” Ben asks. He holds his hand up, holding me in place. I tremble as I try to pull myself from his force grip but I can’t. I’m literally so close, I could literally pull my dad out of the way. Ben flicks his fingers, throwing my body even farther than before. I let out a scream trying to stumble back to my feet to get back to my dad, but Ben just holds me there on the ground. He sends the blaster flying over the railing and away from me. I can’t help the audible scream that leaves my lips as I helplessly look back up at them. 

“Dad, no,” I whimper, “Ben please don’t do this!,”. I feel his intent even stronger now as I watch my dad step closer. I try to force myself up from the ground, as I watch from a distance. I’m struggling trying to use my focus to use the force against Ben, but I can’t clear my head. Creator, why can’t I clear my head? Why do I always let the emotions consume me? I need to get to my dad, I have to get to him. I have to stop this. Come on! Why would the force do this? Take my father away from me? Why can’t I fight back? 

“Yes, anything,” my father ignores me. Ben drops his helmet and looks back up at my dad, and hot tears are running down my cheeks. Ben pulls out his saber playing with it in his hands for a moment. No, no, no… This can’t be happening… 

“Ben Solo,” I warn through a shaky breath, “don’t do this,”. My dad looks down at the saber in my brother’s hands. Ben gestures towards him, and my dad grasps in one of his hands. I try to fight the force hold, even trying to move my finger even slightly to get to the saber on my side, to attack Ben. He’s too powerful. “BEN, DON’T!” I shriek as the room grows darker. The room remains in darkness for a moment, and everything stalls for a moment. It’s completely still, not for long, not when my brother breaks the darkness. 

The saber activities in seconds and I cry out in terror as the blade goes through my father’s torso. The red blade blares angrily in the room, as Ben holds it there staring into my father’s eyes. Dad, no, dad… The entire world stops as I watch the two standing there, my brother with his lightsaber in my father. My father, oh creator, my father… 

“NO!,” I scream as the force holds drops and I’m on my feet dashing towards my father. “Stop,” I scream as Ben holds the blade there for a second, and my dad reaches out for him. I hear screaming from above me but I can’t find it in me to look up and see who it is. It feels as if the entire world is falling around me as I watch my father stumble on his feet, Ben pulling the blade from him, and he topples over to fall down below. I stop in my tracks full blown sobbing and I look up at my brother. How could I let this happen?! I was supposed to protect my father. Everything hurts, as I hear more cries above me, and it’s like everything else fades away but my brother and I. He’s holding out the saber looking up at me, the regret already written on his face. “Dad,” I cry feeling my knees weak under me, what would I do now? How could I go back to my mom after this? After letting my own brother kill our father? 

Before I can think any further it’s like my senses come back to me, and I hear Chewie growled in pain and I look back behind me to see him pointing his gun down at us. I duck quickly as the shot goes over my head hitting my brother in his leg, which sends him to his knees. “Padme, come on,” I hear Finn’s voice above me and I look up at them as he and Rey are shooting down troopers. I make my way towards the stairs, running as fast as I can away from my brother. I light my grandfather’s red saber along the way taking out as many troopers as I can, and stop when I come right underneath where Rey and Finn are standing. I turn the saber off and drop it back into my holster, wiping the tears from my eyes. Finn reaches out his hand and so does Rey, I take their hands quickly as they pull me up where they are standing. Explosions go off around us, and I”m assuming that Chewie let off the detonator. 

I grab both Finn and Rey’s hands as we glance down at Ben who stands to start to follow us, “Come on,” my voice is weak and all three of us turn making our way out before the explosions can get to us. I try to calm my thoughts, and emotions as we try to make our getaway. I had to focus, I could mourn later, but right now we had to get out of here. We make it out, running through the woods, against the snow that is slowing us down. It’s snowing a bit more than earlier and I recoil into Poe’s jacket trying to get warm. I sniffle following behind Finn and Rey as they let go of my hands. I can’t believe it… I close my eyes trying to control the tears and open them again as Finn speaks. 

“The falcon’s this way,” we follow Finn as he speaks, making our way to the falcon. All three of us stop at the familiar hum of a lightsaber and I curse myself for not paying more attention to my surroundings, of course he followed us. I feel anger brewing in my chest, wishing that he would just leave us the fuck alone. Hasn’t he taken enough from me? We slowly take steps forward, the three of us standing next to each other in front of him. He was not going to hurt anyone else I love, not today. I would kill him before that happened. 

“We’re not done yet,” Ben says looking between the three of us. I take a step forward narrowing my eyes at him. He didn’t even seem bothered by the fact that he just killed our father. It was like he was nothing to him, and that made my blood boil even more. He wasn’t Ben Solo anymore, that much was obvious. Kylo Ren had to die, and I didn’t care if Ben Solo died along with him. The trees shake around us as the planet starts to implode on itself. We didn’t have much time to make it out of here, this had to be quick. 

“We’re done,  _ Kylo, _ move the fuck out of the way,” I hiss holding my saber tightly in my hand. I prepare my stance, ready to fight him, ready to kill him.  _ I will do what I must.  _

“You’re a monster,” Rey snaps, taking a step next to me. She was obviously not going to let me fight Ben alone, she was just as angry as I was. We could take Ben down, together. 

“It’s just us now, Han Solo can’t save you,” Ben says through gritted death. I let out a growl moving closer to him. How dare he, how dare he say his name after what he’s done. He has no right to say that name, not now, not ever. 

**“Padme, wait,”** my head turns at the sound of the voice. Abel? No one else seems to notice him though, and I glance around looking for him not seeing him anywhere. All I see is snow and trees in the faint light of the forest. The sun was almost gone, therefore we could barely see anything. My attention turns back to Ben who is slamming his fist into his chest, I’m assuming to distract himself from the wound in his leg. I look down to see blood dripping. This would be an easy fight, he’s already injured. 

**_Kill him._ **

Rey quickly lifts her blaster to shoot Ben, but Ben throws her back into the tree leaving both Finn and I screaming. I surge forward then, the anger finally boiling over, something inside me shifting. Finn runs towards Rey as I ignite the saber walking closer towards Ben. I have had enough, enough of him hurting the ones I love, enough of him even being alive. I would end this today, I would kill him. He would never take anyone I love away from me again. 

“That lightsaber,” Ben says looking down at it and then me, “It belongs to me,”. 

“Then take it from my cold, dead hands,” I scream, flying forward slashing towards him. He quickly blocks it falling back a few feet from the hit. I’m going to do it. I twirl the saber in my hands as we circle each other. Both of our red lighsabers,are red and angry, waiting for the kill. I duck as he slashes forward, and I catch his blade with my own. He pushes down his saber sizzling in the snow as he pushes me towards the ground. My body trembles trying to fight back against his strength. 

**_Kill him._ **

**_He killed your father._ **

**_He took everything away from you._ **

**_KILL HIM._ **

A sudden surge of strength hits me, most likely from the anger and I easily push him off of me sending him flying back away from me. “How could you,” I cry bringing the lightsaber down on him over and over again. It wasn’t even planned attacks, it was just full blown angry hits as I took out my pain on him. You would think I would grow tired, from just trying to slam down my saber on him, but yet. I wasn’t. I was angry. I was determined, and I watched as he tired from his wound.

He easily blocks my hits grunting in pain, “He was never a real father to us, Padme,”. I narrow my eyes at him still trying to get one solid hit on him. I can’t believe he’s coming up with excuses, for cold blooded murder. To a man who simply wanted to help him, to do better, to be better. To be a father to him, and yet he still killed him. 

“You were never a real brother,” I screech in return as he ducks under a hit and he kicks his leg out knocking me to my butt. I grunt in pain, still holding the saber tightly in my grip. I don’t stay on the ground long, as I hop back on my feet, and we go back to circling each other. I would finish this, right here, right now. I would do what I have to do. My mother had to understand, there was no saving Ben Solo now. 

“He sent me away Padme, he separated us,” he tried to reason. The same argument as the night he killed Abel. This idiotic argument that didn’t even make sense, he always wanted to be like Uncle Luke. He wanted to be powerful. It was all he talked about when we were younger, learning the force, being just like Uncle Luke. 

“You chose that path Ben,” I snap, “You chose to train!”. 

“Then he left you, after things got too difficult for him,” Ben yells as I stand straight up on my feet stepping cautiously around him. More and more anger was filling my veins, blinding my vision with red. All I knew was that I wanted to kill Ben Solo. Right here. Right now. This man in front of me wasn’t my brother, not anymore. He killed my father, when I just got him back. When I felt like there was hope for our family… he took it away. 

“Because of YOU!,” I sliced the blade forward, slicing the blade across his face, sending him flying to the ground. There is a bright red burn now running down from his temple, across his cheek, to his chest. He groans in pain going to stand but I twirl the saber in my hand, and use my other hand to use the force against him for once. He stops moving, as I feel something snap in me. A power that I tried to keep hidden for so long, a power that I could use to kill him. He struggled against me trying to use his own power to pull away but, in this moment of anger and hatred, I was much much stronger. “YOU, broke apart our family, YOU broke my mother’s heart, my father’s, you are the reason he LEFT,” I scream through angry tears. 

“He was weak,” Ben grunts. 

**“Padme, please stop. This isn’t you,”** I hear Abel’s voice again but shake my head to get the voice out of my head. Shut up Abel, this has nothing to do with you. Let me do this. Why now, did Abel choose to finally speak to me? Make his presence known? There was no stopping this. The only way the war would ever end is if Kylo Ren died. 

The snow sticks to my face as Ben continues, “He was weak and he left you behind to pick up the pieces of not only your broken heart but of our mother’s,”. I hiss throwing the saber in his hand away and I push him back against a tree. His body trembles as he tries to fight against my hold on him, but it was useless. For once, I was more powerful than him and I would kill him in this moment of power. 

“Hearts you broke,” I growled, “what did you do this for me too?!” I yell my vision flashing back to the night he told me he killed my first love and friends for me. Ben slowly smirks as he continues to fight against my hold. 

“No,” he grunts as I move closer to the light of my saber lighting up our features, “That one was for me,”. That was enough for me to completely lose control as I’m blinded with fury, and I started to bring my saber down when I heard Abel’s voice again. The saber is right above Ben’s chest, hovering only inches above him. All I had to do was move just a little bit more, and Kylo Ren would be dead. 

**“Padme stop, remember your mom, remember Poe,”** I heave through sobs as I slowly lower my saber at his voice, and Ben takes this chance to break free and force grab his saber. Before I can react he slashes the saber at my hand, completely cutting it off. I scream in pain as the hand and saber falls into the snow. I fall back on my feet, my legs giving out on me as the wound at the end of my arm screams. I grasp at my wrist shock filling my veins as I look at the empty space where my hand used to be. I fall back into the snow, shaking as Ben now spins his blade in his hands coming towards me. I look up in panic as he comes closer to me and stands above me. He had the same determined look in his eyes that I had in mine, this was it. This was the end, Ben Solo was going to kill me. 

“Now I will continue my training by starting with you,” he growls pointing his lightsaber towards me. “I’ll kill you, then mom, your traitor stormtrooper friend,” he points the blade in my face and I gasp for air. I can feel the heat coming off the blade, and I swallow roughly knowing this was my fault. “Your scavenger friend, then oh, that precious pilot of yours. What was his name?” Ben touches his chin with his free hand, “Oh that’s right, _ Poe Dameron _ ,”. I shake my head fiercely reaching out for my lightsaber but as soon as it reaches my hand, his lightsaber is in my gut. The last thing I see before it gets dark is Kylo Ren’s cold eyes breaking only slightly to show the regret of Ben Solo. 


	12. Chapter 12: Life Before Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme Solo has been wounded - and now she's reliving both painful and happy memories. What is in store for her, in these haunted memories?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys I am so so sorry for the late update. I've been having migraines almost everyday. But finally here is the next chapter! This chapter is mainly a background chapter on Padme's past. Who Abel is, how her and Poe's relationship started, and her twin bond with Ben. These are flashbacks, sort of a "life flashing before your eyes" at near death thing. They jump around, but they are in order time wise. Warnings for this chapter, death, angst, etc. Let me know what you guys think. Just a reminder I do not own Star Wars or its characters. May the force be with you!

**_“Me,” my brother giggles, chasing me through the tall grass in our backyard. There’s a slight breeze blowing through my chin length wavy hair, as I embrace the blades of green grass in between my toes. I dodge trees trying to make it through to the center of the forest near our home, where we decided the finish line for our race was. Our parents were out on official Republic business, and our Uncle Lando was watching us. Which basically meant, we could do what we wanted up until our parents came home. “Wait up,” my brother gasps behind me as I make it to the center touching the tall tree and I give him a toothy grin. The sun is shining through the limbs of the tree, onto my skin, soaking me in its warmth. I look at my twin brother standing in front of me, in a pair of dark shorts and short sleeve t-shirt, and can’t help but feel happiness swell into my chest. I would be happy if this is how we spent the rest of their lives. Together._ **

**_“I win,” I laughed as he stopped heaving for air, hunched over and touching his knees. He makes a pouty face at me as he stands straight back up, and shakes his head. I beam at him, leaning against the tree and crossing my arms over my chest._ **

**_“It’s not fair you’re older and faster,” he complains and I lean over to ruffle his dark hair. He pulls away from me an annoyed look on his face, as he tries to fix his now messed up hair._ **

**_“I’m only older by a few minutes,” I remind him, “Maybe someday you’ll be faster and stronger than me…,”._ **

**_~_ **

**_“Ben,” I cheer in excitement, running towards him to embrace him. He hugs me tightly to him letting out a small chuckle. He pulls back to look at me with a small smile on his features, the same that I had. It felt as if he didn’t visit as much as he used to, so when he did it was even more exciting for me. My brother was my best friend, and there was no one else who I trusted more. I glance behind his tall form to see a boy about the same age as my brother and I, who gives me a shy wave. “Who’s this?” I ask curiously and Ben steps out of my way to allow me a better glance at the boy. He was a bit taller than me, just like Ben was, and he had dark hair. He had freckles peppered across his tanned cheek bones, and he had deep green eyes. He’s wearing jedi robes much like my brothers, except his are white whereas Ben’s are brown. My eyes dance along his caramel skin, and my heart flutters in my chest. It’s not everyday that I get to meet someone new, although I do know pretty much all of the padawans from the temple._ **

**_“Padme, this is Abel,” Ben gestures towards the boy and then to me, “Abel this is my big sister Padme,”. I meet his emerald, nervous eyes, noticing a small scar right underneath his eye. He also has sharp cheekbones, a rounded chin, and slightly crooked nose, that only added to his handsome look._ **

**_“You’re pretty,” Abel blurts, and his face turns a bright red after his outburst. My cheeks turn a slight pink at his compliment and I give him a cheeky grin. I’ve met a couple of handsome young padawans because of my brother, but I want to say Abel is my favorite thus far._ **

**_“Thanks,” I reply shortly and look at Ben who looks slightly grossed out by the interaction. I let out a spew of giggles gesturing towards the house, “mom made some snacks,”._ **

**_~_ **

**_“Mom, Dad, are we there yet?” I whine walking up into the cockpit, glancing at the stars around us. My dad groans in annoyance, but my mom only laughs at me. She understands how close Ben and I are. She loves Uncle Luke just as much as Ben and I love each other. The only difference between us, is the fact that Ben and I got to grow up together. Which was something I’m eternally grateful for, my twin brother is the best thing in my life. They always talk about the bond between twins, but I like to believe ours was different. There was some form of connection between us, that allowed us to know and feel what each other are going through. Which within itself could be a blessing and a curse, but it was helpful so we didn’t feel so alone._ **

**_“Be patient, we’ll see your brother, soon enough,” my mom promises ruffling my hair. I give her a sheepish smile as I stand between the two of them. One of my favorite things to do was to ride in the falcon, and stare out of the cockpit. The stars moving quickly past us, made me feel infinite, at peace even. I hope to someday fly the falcon, if my father would allow it. I swear sometimes that he loved this ship more then his actual children._ **

_**“You know if you would train with your Uncle, you wouldn’t miss your brother so much,” my dad grumbles, playing around with some switches. Chewie grunts in the back in protest, saying that he didn’t want me to go anywhere. I nod in agreement with Uncle Chewie’s words, looking between my parents. As much as everyone begged me to train, I couldn’t find it in myself to do so. After what happened to my grandfather, his fall to the dark side, I didn’t think I was strong enough to choose the light. Most loved the power of the force they possessed, but I feared it. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I want to be with my family, that’s all I want.** _

**_“Then I’d have to be away from you guys,” I reason, and my mom nods in agreement. “I also really like the falcon,” I say glancing around the ship. Besides our actual home, this ship gives me the sense of home. If we were to fly around the galaxy in this ship for the rest of our lives, I wouldn’t be bothered. I could fly in this thing for ages, and never get tired of it…_ **

**_~_ **

_**“Daddy,” I whisper quietly trying not to wake Chewie on the other side of the falcon. He doesn’t budge at first so I start tugging on his blanket. At first he just grumbles pulling the blanket over his head, but when he hears my cry he slowly sits up looking down at me. His brown eyes are narrowed at me in exhaustion, and I can’t help the guilty sigh that leaves my lips. I swallow and blink away the tears that threaten to fall as flashes of the nightmare flash before my eyes. The creature in the black and silver mask, driving the blade into my brother The creature removing the mask to reveal his face, for the dream to only abruptly stop when I wake.** _

**_“What is it, kid?” he sounds slightly annoyed._ **

**_I let out a small whimper as I spoke, “I had a nightmare,”. He leans down to get a better look at me, and sighs when he sees my red rimmed eyes. This wasn’t the first time I’ve woken him because of my nightmares, I’ve been having them since I was a toddler. Now at eight years old, I still was having these nightmares, but ten times worse. It gradually gets worse through the years, along with the voice in the back of my head trying to convince me to do horrible things._ **

**_“What was it about this time?” he asks._ **

**_“Ben,” I let out his name in a breath. My dad is silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. Everyone knew that the separation between Ben and I would be difficult, and it has been. Although made easier by the fact that we are allowed to visit each other, it wasn’t the same as when we were children. When we were children we spent every second together, but now if we got to see each other it was a gift._ **

**_“It’s difficult for you, huh? Being away from Ben?” he questions. I only simply nod, and reach up to wipe my nose with the sleeve of my pajama top. This is the hardest thing I’ll go through, being away from my brother during his training. He was happy though, with his training, learning the force. I can’t be angry with him for wanting to make himself better._ **

**_“Okay,” he says, reaching down to lift me up into the small bed of his room. He cradles my body to run his fingers through my hair. I close my eyes, taking in the comfort of my father’s arms, “Go to sleep now, kid. The nightmares can’t get you when I’m here,”._ **

**_~_ **

_**I sit quietly on top of the roof of our home, my legs criss crossed, and my eyes closed. I was trying to focus on the sounds of nature around me, trying to soothe my worries and concerns. The familiar voice that tried to persuade me to the darkness echoing in the back of my mind. I try to focus on the light, letting it consume me instead of the darkness. There’s crickets chirping somewhere down below, and the wind blows softly through the limbs of the trees surrounding our home. The slight breeze feels nice on my skin, and makes the loose strands of my hair fly around my face. I focus on these sounds, letting them seep into my very being. I didn’t use the force per say, but meditating did a lot for me. It brought me these short amounts of times where I actually feel at peace. I almost feel settled when I hear feet shuffling up the side of the house and towards me. I don’t open my eyes because I don’t have to, I know who it is.** _

**_“What are you doing out here alone?” my brother asks quietly, trying not to make too much noise to wake my parents. I peek my right eye open to look at him, the only light outside coming from the stars and moon. He just woke up, it seems, and must have panicked not seeing me in the room. His hair is standing up at the sides of his head, and he has bags under his eyes. I feel guilty that he barely slept because of me. I close my eyes again trying to keep my breathing level as I try to focus. He’s quiet for a moment, and I focus on his level breathing to level my own out. When I feel slightly more calm I open my eyes to look over at him._ **

**_“Everything was too loud,” I whispered back, being vague as I can be. This voice that haunted me, I didn’t want it to haunt him too. I can feel the battle he has himself, I wouldn’t weigh him down with mine as well. I bit my lip in between my teeth as I looked back up at the sky. This was my battle to fight, I would deal with it on my own._ **

**_“Me,” he sighs, still looking at me. I look back at him and give him a small smile of assurance. Even now that we were older and he could say my name properly, he still used the childhood nickname. I can’t say it bothers me, I adore the nickname he’s given me. It makes us feel like our bond, our relationship was strong as ever, and nothing could take that way._ **

**_“I’m okay, Ben, I promise,” I try to calm his worries._ **

_**“You know I’m here for you, right?” He reminds me. I only nod, knowing full well that my brother would willingly take the weight of my darkness upon his shoulders. He would take both of our darkness if he had to, if it meant I would suffer less. That was something I couldn’t allow though, my brother was my priority. Ben’s well being and safety was my priority. I look up into his dark eyes, as he searches for anything that could give him a hint of what’s going on. He scrunches up his nose in frustration and lets out a very audible sigh.** _

**_“I’m the big sister, I’m supposed to take care of you, remember,” I tease and he shakes his head a small smile playing on his lips._ **

**_“Only by a few minutes,” he mumbles quietly to himself before reaching over and placing his hand over my own, giving it a squeeze. “Seriously though,” he becomes serious after a moment, “I would never let anything or anyone hurt you,”. I take in a sharp breath, a knot building in my stomach at his words._ **

**_“I know,” I breathe, giving him a shaky smile._ **

**_I would never let anyone hurt you either Ben. No matter what it takes… you won’t turn._ **

**_~_ **

**_I take a step closer to Abel, looking into his beautiful green eyes, letting out a small breath. He shifts nervously on his feet, and opens his mouth to speak but closes it again unsure of what to say. “Don’t be nervous,” my words are barely audible as I move closer. He blinks and swallows thickly, before I reach up to grab the collar of his jedi robes. My eyes roam his face, down from his thick furrowed brows, to his crooked nose, to the sun kissed freckles adorning his handsome cheeks. I wasn’t sure what moment led to this moment of me falling for him, but I can’t say I regret it. I wanted Abel to be my first everything, my first kiss, my first boyfriend… the first boy I love._ **

**_“We shouldn’t…,” he starts but is stopped when I quickly yank his face closer to mine, to dip my lips into his. I have to prop myself up on my tippy toes to even reach his plump lips. I wasn’t sure what I was doing, I’ve never kissed anyone before, but I was hoping it would come naturally to me. Abel is frozen in place at first, unsure of how to respond, but it doesn’t take him long to melt into the kiss. He wraps his arms around my waist pulling me closer and I tighten my grip into his shirt. I lose myself in the kiss, wondering if kissing someone really felt this wonderful._ **

**_Is this how it feels for everyone? If this is how it feels to kiss Abel, I don’t know if I ever want to stop._ **

**_~_ **

**_“Padme, wake up,” I groaned in annoyance slowly sliding my eyes open. The annoyance quickly turns to excitement as I see Abel standing above me, with Ben behind him. I throw my arms around both of them giggling happily. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve seen them, as they are knee deep in jedi training. It was such a relief to have them both here with me now, even if it's just for the weekend. I close my eyes, taking them in, and letting that ease the ache in my chest from the struggles I’ve been fighting lately. When they’re away the voice is louder, the darkness more prominent. When they’re here, the voice is faint, and I can almost completely ignore it._ **

**_“What are you guys doing here?” I ask slowly, pulling away from them. Ben points at Abel with a thumb._ **

**_“He wanted to surprise you,” I look at Abel with bright eyes when Ben says this. I notice the light shining through my window, and I look at them. I can’t help but squeal, and ruffle their hair, unable to contain my cheer._ **

**_“Well, I’m always happy to see my boys…,”_ **

**_~_ **

_**“You look exhausted Padme,” Abel whispers, moving a strand of hair from my face. I’m jolted out of my thoughts looking at him, unsure if I really wanted to tell him why. “You can tell me anything baby girl,” Abel assures as he sets a soothing hand on my back. My heart skips a beat at the pet name, even though he’s called me it a million times before. My parents and others have called this puppy love, first love, but to me it's the most purest love I’ve ever felt. It fills me up with so much light, and he’s the reason I’m able to fight the darkness the way I can.** _

**_I looked around at the falcon in thought, and finally I let out a sigh. Now would be a good time to get off my chest, seeing as everyone else was outside. “I’ve been having nightmares,” I begin. I squeeze my eyes shut, the images of Ben with the red lightsaber in his hand sending shivers down my spine. The amounts of dead, bloodied bodies surrounding him, breaking my heart all over again. It was a just dream, but it felt so real. My dreams are known to sometimes come true, which wasn’t the scariest part of the nightmares about Ben._ **

**_“Again?” Abel asks with furrowed brows and I nod. This wasn’t something new, I’ve had nightmares my entire life. They slowed down a bit, but have come back tenfold the last couple of months. I have yet to find something to calm these nightmares, therefore I just don’t sleep very much. I sleep a couple hours a night, and that’s about it._ **

**_“These dreams are about Ben, though,” I sighed rubbing my eyes. Abel looks at me in concern. I don’t look at him, as I feel his feelings swirling around like a storm. He’s concerned about his best friend, my brother, but he’s also concerned about me, his girlfriend. It was tricky dating your best friend’s sister, I would imagine, I’m sure sometimes he felt like he had to choose. I open and close my fists, looking down at them, trying to find a way to explain these horrific nightmares._ **

**_“Does something happen to him?” he asked worriedly._ **

**_“No, well, yes, kind of?” I mumble trying to think of the best way to explain it. “In my dreams, he turns to the dark. He kills, well, he kills everyone,” my voice trembles. Abel jolts back in surprise, unsure of what to say at first. He stares off into space, trying to figure out a solution to this problem. I’m not sure that there was, it’s why I just ignore it. If I don’t say it out loud, maybe it won’t happen, if I don’t give it power my brother won’t turn._ **

**_“We should tell your parents or Master Luke,” he says, going to stand and I grab him quickly pulling him back down. That’s the worst thing he could do, that would only push Ben further away from us. My parents and Uncle Luk already fear that my brother may have a weakness towards the darkness, this would only push them further away from him. I know Ben, and I know he would never hurt anyone. I can keep him on the right path, I know I can._ **

_**“No you can’t! This will only cause more distrust and fear,” I beg, “it will only push him further to the dark side…,”** _

**_~_ **

**_My twin brother and I sit in the middle of my parents in the booth in the falcon. I was able to convince them to sit down and make matching bracelets together. I was making Ben’s and Chewy’s, Ben was making mine, my mom was making my dad’s and my dad was making my mom’s. At first they were all hesitant, but it is difficult for them to ever say no to me. I hear my dad grumble from the other side besides Ben, and I look up breaking my concentration to give him a sheepish smile. My mom looks across the table to give a small laugh, “come on honey, it’s not that bad,”. Ben gives a deep chuckle besides me holding up his own bracelet he’s working on to look it over._ **

**_“I am a grown man,” my dad retorts holding up the very- erratic looking bracelet. My dad seems to not be able to decide on a color, so he just kind of did every color. It was lovely, from a distance, looking like a rainbow but it was no organized pattern. I look back down at Ben’s bracelet I’m making, which was black and white, the black for him because it’s his favorite color, and white for me because it was my favorite color. White was a blank slate, it was something where you can start anew. Light and dark, polar opposites, but yet so similar in many ways. That was us._ **

**_“You’re a grown man, with two children, Han,” my mother replied looking down at her finished product of a bracelet which looks much nicer than what my father made._ **

**_“Dad,” I stretch out the name a bit as I roll my eyes over to look at him, “I told you, it’s so that even apart we’re all together,”. My dad glances over at me and lets out a small sigh, knowing that this meant a lot to me and he nods. “Ben,” I smile turning to him with his bracelet I made in my hands, “I’m finished!,”. It was made from a thick brown leather, with some round black and white beads._ **

**_“Me too,” He replies, turning his body to look at me. I hold the bracelet in my hands gesturing it towards him, and he does the same with the one he made. I take the one from his hand, and he takes the one from mine. A huge smile hits my lips as I realize he had the same idea as me, it was a bracelet with white and black beads. I look up to see him wearing the same smile as my own, “I love it, Me, thank you. I’ll never take it off,”._ **

**_I give him an animated, nod as he puts it on his wrist, and I do the same with mine, “looks like great minds think alike,”. He laughs and nods slowly in agreement with me as my mom and dad exchange their own bracelets. It’s been a while since we’ve all spent time together, and I hope that we will be able to do so again soon. Although as a bad feeling sits at the bottom of my stomach, I can’t help but wonder if we’ll all ever sit in the same room together again._ **

**_“Now we’ll always be together no matter what,” I reply quietly._ **

**_~_ **

**_I wake gasping for air looking around rapidly, and feeling my nerves calm at the sight of my brother on the other side of the room in his bed. I slowly sat up rubbing my eyes feeling completely exhausted, somehow I never got to sleep anymore. I’m afraid to close my eyes again, the fear of witnessing the replay at the back of my mind. I try to settle my breathing so that I don’t wake my brother, but it seems he’s already awake._ **

_**It takes him a few seconds to wake up, but when he realizes I’m awake and upset he’s at my bed in seconds. “Hey, Me, what’s wrong?” he mumbles sleepily sitting at the edge of my small bed. I blink at him when he reaches up to wipe away a stray tear that I didn’t even realize fell. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern, in the dim light of the room I can see that he’s exhausted. This was something that he had to deal with constantly. I tell him that we can sleep in separate rooms, but he insists that we don’t. I know he does it because he’s worried about me, but he tries to cover it up with a small lie that he was too used to being in the same room as me. The room barely has any light except for the moon shining brightly through the window by my bed.** _

_**We’ve been sharing a room since we were kids, and still do so when he comes home to visit. Which seems less frequent lately, which may be why I’m having these nightmares in greater numbers. “Just… nightmares,” my voice breaks. He nods in understanding, knowing better than to ask. Usually I tell him everything, but seeing as these nightmares were about him, I preferred to keep them to myself. He’s noticed the distance I put between us due to these nightmares, and I’m sure he knows that something is going on. He just doesn’t know what to do about it, and wants to give me time to come to him about it.** _

**_Instead of asking, he just opens his arms, which I gladly climb into. No comfort can match being in my brother’s arms. Although I loved Abel, and my parents, no one else was as close to me as my twin was. He held a piece of my heart, that no one else had access to. He was always capable of calming me in seconds, and although I could feel his battle raging on inside I knew that I could trust him to never hurt me. He pulled me close to him, and I sigh into his chest, trying to push back the tears that threatened to fall. I don’t know what I’d do, if he were to fall to the dark and leave me behind. I don’t know what I would do without him._ **

**_“Please, never go away, Ben,” my request is muffled by his shirt._** ** _  
_** **_I feel his chest shake as he chuckles softly, “I’ll always be here for you, Padme, I promise,”._**

****

**_~_ **

_**“Padme,” my brother’s voice breaks out in the empty meadow that I’m stretching in. I’m in the middle of doing a back stand, my back arched back, my hands and feet all touching the ground holding myself up. I find that it’s helpful to ease my mind, and thoughts, by doing these forms of stretches. I let myself drop slowly to the ground flipping over to look at his upset form. I stand up on my feet in an instant at the sight of the bags under his eyes, and the look of rage etched into his features. I take steps closer to him but he steps back away from me, his hands up in a gesture basically saying to stay away from him. He’s never like this, he’s open with me, honest with me, he’s never pushed me away before.** _

**_I suck in a sharp breath before speaking, “Ben, what’s wrong?” I can see that he is trying to calm down, he’s completely tense. His body standing upright in a rigid position, he looks like he dressed in a rush to get here. He has a long sleeve white shirt messily thrown over his form, and dark pants as he stares forward his jaw set. What was he doing here? Wasn’t he training with Uncle Luke today? “Didn’t you have a mission today?” I ask trying to get him to respond to me again._ **

**_“How long?” Ben is trying to keep his voice and tone level, trying not to lose his temper. I held out my hands in confusion, my mouth agape, unsure of what he was talking about. I can feel his emotions all over the place, and I try to focus on just one so that I can read the situation. He takes in a big breath and runs a hand through his hair frustrated before speaking again, “the nightmares,”. Now I really become confused furrowing my eyebrows, nightmares? A pang of panic hits me when the thought crosses my mind that he might mean the one’s about him. I think he sees the realization in my face and he lets out a growl stepping closer to me, “about me,” he speaks through gritted teeth, “how long?”._ **

**_“I- Ben… how,” I begin to speak, my voice trembling._ **

**_“How LONG,” he yells the last word in anger and I flinch. Ben has never raised his voice at me, even when he was angry with me. I’m hesitant to answer at first, unsure of how he will respond to the answer. Instead I glance over his form- noticing the differences in him since the last time I saw him. His hair was messy, the waves seemingly tangled, and there were dark circles under his eyes. The boy before me has been battling something for a while, and I just ignored it. I swallow roughly, trying to keep my emotions at bay. I see his face fall after a few moments in realization, “oh,” he looks down at his hands and then back up at me again, “since we were children, right?” Ben looks so broken in front of me, and I choke on my words. I never meant for this to happen. I was trying to protect him, if he had known he would believe that these dreams must come true. That he was doomed to fall to the darkside and become like our grandfather. I couldn’t allow that to happen. I couldn’t let Ben become a sith._ **

**_“Ben- I,” but Ben won’t allow me to speak._ **

**_“I thought,” his words catch in his throat, “I thought you believed in me,”. He stops and I can tell he’s suffocating from all of his emotions. That was one thing that Ben and I really had in common- we both feel very strongly. I feel my heart breaking in my chest, at his pain. I tried to run through the many ways that I could make this situation better, but I wasn’t sure what to do. I’ve never seen him this angry before, not like this. That look in his eyes was dark, angry...corrupted._ **

**_“Ben, I do,” I step closer to him taking my hands in his. His hands are rough in mine, probably from all of the training. His brown eyes looked into my own, wet and tired, and I felt my own become wet. He’s been drowning, how could I not see it? Why didn’t I do anything to help him sooner? This was all my fault._ **

**_“No,” he shakes his head letting go of my hands, “you don’t,”. He turns away from me, I’m assuming to try to get a hold of himself. I try to breathe, but just like him, I feel as if I’m suffocating; in both of our emotions. “You’ve feared me since we were children,” he sounds like he’s crying now. I decided the best course of action at this point is to hug him. I step forward wrapping my arms around his torso, and hugging him from the back. I hear a cry break from his lips, and I can’t help the tears that start to fall on my own face. Please don’t let this happen, please don’t let me lose Ben._ **

**_“What was the point?” he’s full blown sobbing now, his body shaking under my touch, “What was the point of fighting the darkness- if the one person I…,” he stops trying to calm his sobs, “the one person I thought didn’t fear me… does…,”. I didn’t fear Ben, the darkness doesn’t define him. I know that better than anyone._ **

**_I squeeze my eyes shut, “Ben I don’t fear you, I’ve never feared you,” my voice is desperate now. He yanks out of my grip turning to look at me, and the sight of his distraught and angry face was enough to destroy me. He tightens his hands into a fist looking up into the sky, as if someone up there was talking to him. Did he hear a voice too, I wondered? Is the same voice that haunts me, haunting him too? I really have let Ben down, and if he falls…. It’s all my fault._ **

**_“Then why didn’t you tell me?!” he screams angrily, “we’ve always told each other everything,”. His hands fly in air as he’s trying to emphasize his words, the meaning to them. He was right, we did always tell each other everything. Since childhood, we have told each other everything. I even told him when my crush on Abel first started to bloom, much to his dismay. We were brutally honest with each other, but I thought this was the one secret that needed to be kept._ **

**_“I didn’t want to give them another excuse to fear you,” I cry trying to calm him down. His eyes grew wide, and if he was angry before, he was even more angry now. It was unbelievable how quickly this escalated, how fast the argument had turned into screaming. I wanted to stop this, just bring him in my arms, and things to go back to the way they were before._ **

**_“Your visions, your dreams, almost always come true, I was doomed from the start!” He grabs at his hair in frustration, the hot tears running down his cheeks. There was a battle raging right in front of me as he tried to fight off the darkness slowly but surely consuming him. I can see Ben Solo slowly slipping away from bit by bit._ **

**_“Ben- that’s not true,” I whimper trying to reach out for him. There’s too much distance between us, it feels like an entire wall was building. My chest is tight, as I watch my brother fight with the light and dark right in front of me. His eyes settle on my own, and I see it, Ben Solo is almost gone. I try to step closer, to grab him, to do anything to bring him back to me. I could save him, I could save our family, I could save everyone ._ **

**_“You lied to me,” he hissed angrily._ **

**_“Ben, no, I never…,” I whimper quietly._ **

**_“YOU DID! You’ve had nightmares since we were children, and never thought to mention they were about me?! You’re just like them!” he gestures back to the distance where our house sits. My parents. They’ve tried to hide their fear of Ben and his future with the force, but they weren’t very good at it. “You. Fear. Me,” he starts taking steps back away from me._ **

**_“Ben, please don’t do this,” I’m sobbing now, watching him pull away from me, “I never meant to-,”._ **

**_“Hurt me?” he says this quietly._ **

**_“Ben please don’t pull away from me, please don’t walk away,” I croak through my cries reaching out for him again. He lets his arms drop to his side, and shakes his head in disbelief. “I don’t fear you Ben,” I rasp trying to breath evenly, “you would never hurt me,”. That much was true for me, I have never feared him, I knew that I was the last person he would hurt._ **

**_“I’m sure thinking about it,” I jolt back at Ben’s words in surprise, and he turns away from me. I’m suffocating, as my knees grow weak underneath me, and I try to not fall to the ground._ **

**_“Ben… please…,” I beg, but he only starts to walk away from me. I drop to my knees in the soft grass beneath me, letting out a gut wrenching sob. I watch in anguish as my twin brother and my best friend walks away from me._ **

**_~_ **

_**“Padme, baby girl, what’s wrong?” Abel comes up following me as I walk hurriedly towards the falcon. I ignored him, knowing full well that he was the one who told Uncle Luke about my dreams. If I were to speak to him right now, I’d probably lose my temper. I already had the voice in my head, saying he deserved to be punished. I didn’t want to do something I regretted. “Please talk to me,” he begs grabbing my arm and turning me around to look at him. I roughly tear myself away from him, looking up and down his form in anger. His handsome features that usually make me melt, only angered me even more. I can’t believe that he broke my trust, now my brother will probably never speak to me again.** _

**_“Don’t touch me,” I growl refusing to look into his eyes. If I look into those gorgeous emerald eyes I’ll probably cave._ **

**_“I don’t understand,” he speaks slowly, visibly confused. He must have not spoken to my brother yet, he probably doesn’t even know what happened. The chaos that he caused in my life, the loss of my brother._ **

**_“You promised,” I whisper brokenly, wiping at my tears._ **

**_“Padme…,” he starts._ **

**_“No!,” I raise my voice at him and he jumps back in shock, “You promised you wouldn’t tell,”. He looks like he’s trying to get a hold of his emotions before he decides to speak. He’s trying to be patient, I know that he doesn’t want to have a screaming match with me. He wanted to work this out._ **

**_“Padme, we’re kids, this isn’t something you should carry alone,” he tries to soothe me again by touching my arms but I pull from his grasp quickly. I don’t want him to touch me, I don’t want to be near him. I’m afraid that the anger will get the best of me, and I’ll hurt him. I need him to go. I finally look up into his eyes to see the hurt he’s feeling by the fact that I was pulling away from him. I was closing myself off, and he knew that._ **

**_“I was handling just fine,” I retorted angrily, turning back around to get to the falcon. The falcon was my second home, and I just needed the safety of the ship's walls to provide myself with much needed comfort. No one else could possibly understand how I’m feeling right now, and what Abel’s betrayal cost me._ **

**_“No you weren’t, Padme, you aren’t even sleeping,” Abel says desperately, trying to keep up with my fast pace. I’m too furious to even say anything as I quicken my pace to get to the falcon and shut the door in his face. “Baby, Ben is not your responsibility,” he says quietly. I stop in my tracks, closing my hands into fists, trying not to lash out at him. Ben was my twin brother, of course he was my responsibility! Who else would take care of him?_ **

**_“Then whose is he?” I whisper, “the adults weren’t doing anything, and neither were you,” I seethe. “You just made him pull farther away from me,” my voice cracks at the words. I really had lost my brother today… he really walked away from me. I’m not sure that I could recover from something like this._ **

**_“Padme, what can we do?” Abel asks sincerely._ **

**_“You have no idea what he’s fighting,” I turn to look him in the eyes._ **

**_“And you do?” Abel replies, narrowing his eyes, “You refuse to even use the force!” I take in a sharp breath, and shake my head furiously raising my finger to point at him. How dare he! I may not use the force, but I feel it in everything I do. I sense it all around me, and at the end of the day it was the cause of my battle within Ben and I._ **

**_“Because I face the same battle that he does,” I say loudly. Abel looks shocked at my words and I continue to speak, “the way I chose to fight it off, is to avoid the force,”. Abel reaches out for me, gently grasping my hands on his own. For a moment I glance into his emerald eyes- the one that I have loved for so long. I allow him to hold my hands, as I try to settle my breathing. I try to calm the heavy and angry beating of my heart. I need to try to think clearly, but there’s too much fighting in my head._ **

**_“I’m sorry, darling, I didn’t mean to…,” he speaks softly to me._ **

**_“Mean to ruin my relationship with my brother?” I snap pulling my hands from his. We’re both silent for a moment before I decide to speak again, “I want you to leave,”. I can see the heartbreak in his eyes, and I almost want to take the words back. Almost. He only nods slowly and takes a step away from me. He’s starting to figure out that I wasn’t coming down from my anger anytime soon. I need to be away from him, to think things through, and find a way to fix this._ **

**_“I’ll come back when you’ve calmed down,” he looks at me over one more time and says with all sincerity, “I love you,”. I don’t reply to him, I only turn on my heels to walk away from him like Ben did me._ **

**_~_ **

_**I’m sitting on the top of the falcon wiping away my tears, which seems futile at this point because they just keep falling. I bring my knees to my chest hiding my face away continuing to sob. Everything was fine only hours ago, and now it felt like my entire world was falling apart around me. My chest aches and I can barely breathe through the tears, as they continue to cascade down my red cheeks. I hear feet stumbling trying to get up here with me, but I don’t move, I stay in my position continuing to cry. Two bodies sit on either side of me, and I don’t have to move to know that it’s my parents. They both wrap their arms around my shoulders and I only start to cry even harder. They must be so disappointed in me. If Ben chooses the dark side, it’s all my fault. I did this.** _

**_“Shh,” my mom coos, “it’s okay sweetie,”. She rubs my back trying to stop my cries. As much as I want to believe my mom that things are okay, and give into her comfort, I can’t. Seeing Ben like that was awful, and I can’t even imagine what he’s feeling. I’ve hurt him very deeply, the one person that he relied on._ **

**_“No, it’s not,” I whimper, pulling my face out to look at them both. My mom and dad both look heartbroken to see me this way. “If Ben turns, it’s my fault,” I cry feeling so furious with myself. I look away from them again, not being able to bear the heartbreak in their faces. I failed them, I failed our family._ **

**_“No kid,” my dad says rubbing tears off my cheeks, grasping my face in one of his hands so that I can look at him. “Whatever Ben chooses, is on him,” he looks into my eyes trying to assure me that this wasn’t my fault. His features are soft, which is different from usual nonchalant vibes he gives off. He usually likes to pretend he doesn’t care, or that he’s annoyed all the time, but I know deep down he cares._ **

**_My mom nods in agreement as my dad releases my face and she speaks, “Your brother hasn’t lost, yet, Padme,”. She rubs some hair out of my face and I sniff my bottom lip puckering out. They were right, I could still feel him fighting, I could still feel the light in him. I glance up at the stars in the sky, and can’t help but let hope fill me that maybe it wasn’t too late._ **

**_“He’s never going to speak to me again,” my voice trembles, my sobs finally slowing down a bit. They look as if they are trying to force the smiles on their faces. They were just as unsure as I was, about what’s to come. I could feel a war coming, darkness looming, and I could only hope that we’ll make it out of this._ **

**_“Siblings fight, kid,” my dad gives me a gentle squeeze on the shoulder._ **

**_“Don’t worry, sweetie,” my mom says, “you’ll find your way back to each other,”._ **

**_~_ **

**_“Dad,” I choke through my tears standing behind him as he makes his way towards the millennium falcon. He only stops, he doesn’t turn or say anything, he just remains completely still. “W-Where are you going?” I whisper quietly, the tears still escaping my eyes. After watching Ben walk away, and hearing the news of Abel and my friend’s deaths, I wasn’t sure I could handle much more._ ** **I need my family now more than ever, I need my father. The sun is rising in the sky, peeking out through the clouds making it slightly warmer outside. My mom is still in bed I’m sure, or maybe she couldn’t handle watching dad walk away from us.**

_**“I have to go, kid,” my father’s words are hard, emotionless even as he still faces away from me. My chest tightens, and I let out a small whimper, unable to control my emotions at this point. I have had just enough at this point, watching everyone I love walk away from me. It feels like I’m meant to be alone, I’m meant to lose everyone I love. I need my father to be stronger, to face my brothers fall to the dark side with his family. Our family needs to be together, we’re stronger together.** _

**_“But why… dad please, don’t go,” I beg, wiping my tears from my cheeks. I just want him to turn and look at me, I want him to admit that he won’t walk away from me and mom. “I’m just a kid, dad, I can’t…,” I choke on my sob covering my mouth in pain. I can’ t watch him leave me, not him too._ **

**_“I can’t stay here, you know why, don’t make me say it,” his voice is now thick with emotions. I know why, it’s all because of Ben, I remind him too much of Ben. He can’t watch another child walk into the darkness. I need to hear him say it, I need to know, that he’s leaving because of his pain. If he wasn’t brave enough to stay, at least he could be brave enough to be honest with me. To tell me the truth of why he needs to leave._ **

**_“Dad, please,” I say through my small sobs, “don’t go, I can’t… I can’t do this on my own, I’m… I’m not strong enough…,”._ **

**_“Kid, I’m sorry, you just... ,” he stops for a moment, “when I look at you, I see him,”. I feel a bit of anger in my chest at his words, at his willingness to walk away from mom and I, who still love him very much. He’s still not brave enough to turn and look at me. Maybe he was weak, a sad excuse for a father, a man who chose his well being over his own family. I’m suddenly so angry that I can’t help the spew of words that come out of me next._ **

**_“He’s not your only child dad,” I holler now, unable to stop myself, “I’m here too, I’m your daughter!,”. It’s like my entire world has crashed around me all in one night, and I can’t take it. I can’t handle the pain that’s eating my entire being whole. I can feel myself shifting and changing, I can feel the impact this is going to have on me in the long run. I would be a different Padme Solo after this. A broken Padme Solo._ **

**_“Take care of your mom, okay? Be strong,” he’s quiet with his words._ **

**_“I’m only a kid,” I rasp, “dad, please…,”. I follow his steps as he walks onto the falcon, and still doesn’t turn to look at me… as he shuts the door to the falcon, leaving me standing alone, and broken, after losing everyone I love._ **

**_~_ **

**_I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, full blown sobbing as I throw rocks and whatever else I can get my hands on. I’m angry. I’m so angry. My hands are raw from the rocks that I keep picking up and throwing, but I can’t stop. My entire body shakes with the pain wrenching cries that fill the air. I’ve lost everything and everyone all in one night. I’m alone. I’m all alone. “Padme,” my mother’s voice was soft but I only continued to cry. How could this happen? How could Ben kill everyone I love? My mother is quick to wrap her arms around me, trying to soothe me, trying to calm me down. I collapsed to my knees, my mom falling with me as she cradled me in her arms like a child. I sob in her arms turning my face into her chest. Nothing could make this better, nothing could stop this pain. I’ve lost it all._ **

**_“I wish I never loved him,” my voice sounds broken and muffled. What was the point of loving him, or Ben, or anything? They all left, they were all taken away from me. All I’m left with is suffering and a broken down soul. The dark voice screams in my head for revenge, begging for my inner power to be released. Use the force to bring everything back, use the force to make sure I never lose anything again. I can use the force to my advantage._ **

**_“Oh, sweetie, no, never wish that,” my mom rubs the hair away from my face looking down at me with her soft and caring eyes. My mom was the only thing that I have left, and I’ll be damned if anything ever happens to her. I’ll protect my mother, no matter what._ **

**_“It hurts,” I croak through my sobs, my chest in undeniable suffering, “I never want to love again, what was even the point?,” I wail and she tightens her grip on me. She’s quiet trying to think over her words, knowing full well there’s nothing that she can do to make this better. What can she do or say? Nothing. Everyone’s gone._ **

**_“Love is the one thing that they cannot take away from us,” my mother cooes rubbing my hair trying to calm my sobs. I’ve cried more the last few days than I have ever in my life. I can’t seem to sotp._ **

**_“They can take planets, and our lives, they can even take our hope at times, but they can never take our love,” she rocked me in her arms._ **

**_“I loved him,” I blubbered, “I never want to again,”. I can feel my mom trying to hold her emotions at bay. She rubbed my back trying to soothe my sobs, and my pain, but it felt like it would never end. I’m going to shut down, my feelings, my emotions. I will never love someone again._ **

**_~_ **

**_I’m on top of a broken down x wing, in what I like to call it, the x wing graveyard. This is where all of the x wings that can no longer fly, or are used for parts go. In other words, the space on base that rarely anyone came to, at least not at night time. This was my hideaway, where I could cry in peace, and hide when I have nightmares at night. My mother dealt with enough, I didn’t want to burden her with my problems. Sometimes I even sat out here to meditate, but tonight when the rest of the resistance was celebrating a small victory, I was here alone to cry. It was difficult to find joy even in the smallest victories, when I know who we’re fighting against._ ** **I knew I was on the right side, but it didn’t make it any easier to fight against my own brother. I look down at the small pill in my hand, glad that I was able to sneak away on my last mission to obtain it. The voice in my head keeps repeating the same thing. ‘You’re useless,’ and ‘they’d be better off without you,’ amongst other horrible things. I’ve grown mostly used to it, but tonight it’s loud. Tonight… for once I’m tempted to listen.**

**The voice had quit trying to turn me a long time ago, figuring out that it wouldn’t be so easy to turn me to the dark. I’ve had time to deal with the heartbreak from my life, the darkness didn’t appeal to me as much. Instead, the voice now tries a different tactic, maybe because he thinks I’m a threat. He wants me to die. He wants me to kill myself. I look down at the red pill sitting in my palm and roll it between my fingers. On a whim, I went out of my way to find someone to buy this pill from. I’ve had the pill a while now, not brave enough to use it. Within minutes of taking this pill, I would be gone. Faded from this world, and onto the next, wherever that is. Could I do that to my mom?**

**I sniff staring up at the stars, letting myself cry freely when I hear someone climbing up the x wing. I quickly wipe at my eyes in hopes that whomever this person was wouldn’t see me cry, and shove the pill quickly in my pocket. My eyes almost bug out of my skull when Poe Dameron’s head pokes out as he takes the final step to pull himself on top of the x wing. I glanced over at his form, and he was still wearing his orange jumpsuit from the mission he just came back from. He plops down next to me a slightly confused look on his face, “am I that ugly? Did I make you cry?” Is Poe Dameron speaking to me, is he really up on this broken down XWING with me? What was going on?**

**I jumped back startled at his words, “no - I of course.. Not..,”. I’m clearly nervous around him, which is why I usually avoid his presence. The last thing I needed was to grow attached to someone else, to love someone else, not to mention he made me so nervous. I’m not even sure why, I’ve only had a limited amount of interactions with him. Looking over at his handsome features though, I feel butterflies stirring around in my stomach. His face cracks into a grin and I give him a confused look. He has such a nice smile.**

**“I’m kidding, princess,” he explains through a laugh and a hot blush hits my cheeks. I let out a small giggle as I continue to wipe away the last of my tears. He looks pleased with himself that he was able to make me laugh. I take a chance to steal a glance at him, and his features in the dim light of the stars. He was slightly tanned, with deep brown eyes, that were wide and curious, a rounded chin with a very sharp jawline. He had a head full of thick curls, and his lips, well his lips… I pull myself out of my staring by shaking my head.**

**“What are you doing out here?” I ask pulling the brown leather jacket I was wearing tighter around my frame, trying to get warm. He scratches the back of his neck seemingly trying to figure out what to say. I quirk an eyebrow slightly interested why the best pilot in the Resistance was not enjoying the party deep inside the base. He was usually one of the first one’s to drink and start trouble.**

**“I uh…,” he looks around before continuing, “was looking for a part for my x wing,”. I found that hard to believe, although I’m sure he does work on his XWING it’s pretty late at night. I’m sure he’s beyond exhausted, and the last thing he wants to do is work on his ship. How did he find me here? I’m usually pretty good at covering my tracks, especially tonight with that pill on me. I had a gameplan, but yet somehow he found me and stopped it without even knowing it.**

**“Uh huh,” is my simple reply as I look away from him and back up at the sky. We’re both silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. I usually avoid Poe Dameron, but here we were. Not because I hate him or anything, I just avoid… well everyone. I don’t do relationships or friendships anymore. I’m here for two reasons: protecting my mom, and fighting in the Resistance. Other than that, I had no purpose, which means I didn’t care for making friends. Or at least, I like to pretend I don’t.**

**“Why, uh,” I look beside me at him as he speaks, “why are you out here crying alone?”. I look over his handsome features in the dim moonlight, and sigh wondering if I should be honest with him. What the heck, he already knows about my hiding spot now. I had a feeling Poe Dameron didn’t give up easily, and that this wouldn’t be my last interaction with him.**

**“This is my hideaway,” I mutter looking away from him, “to uh, cry and stuff,”. It felt silly saying it out loud, now that I think about it. I just didn’t want anyone else to know how badly I was struggling. I’ve been doing this on my own for a while, I figured it was normal at this point. “I even have snacks,” I try to keep a joking tone as I gesture to the inside of the XWING, “for said crying sessions,”. He furrows his eyes in confusion and concern, unsure of how to reply. I was waiting for him to break out into laughter, and to maybe even mock me but instead all I see is crinkle in his furrowed brow.**

**“Alone?” he sounds sincere in his worry for me. Which was new for me, seeing as I’ve been alone since my brother and father have left. I only simply nod looking down at my hands in my lap, stretching them and closing them repeatedly. “Why?” he whispers mostly to himself, still confused. It was difficult to explain the broken family I have, the things that have happened to me that led up to this moment. I was different now, in fact, when Poe made me laugh just now that was the first time I’ve laughed in years. I don’t live, I just exist, I just float around doing what needs to be done.**

**I clear my throat before speaking again, “I don’t want to burden my mother, she carries enough on her shoulders,” the entire resistance, matter of fact. “I do it alone, so my mom has less to carry,” my words are quiet now, my joking tone completely gone. I look at him, through misty eyes, and he looks shocked. I can see why my mom and everyone else on the base loved him, he was hard not to love, even from a distance. He was kind and sincere, even with someone he barely knows.**

**“You don’t have anyone else?” he scoots closer to me, to get a better look at me I suppose. I nod no, looking up into his eyes, he was still taller than me even sitting. I get lost in his eyes for a moment before I choose to speak again.**

**“No,” I speak softly, “just my mom,”.**

**“You’re so…,” Poe starts, “strong,” he finishes. All I can see in his eyes is admiration and that’s how I know he’s not teasing me.** **I sit in front of Poe Dameron, a complete mess, face and eyes red, hair falling out of its buns, and he still stares at me with a look of admiration. Who thought the best pilot in the Resistance would be looking at me of all people with admiration. I had a feeling that after tonight things would change, they would be different, maybe for the better.**

**“I try to be,” I say leaning closer to him, “I need to be,”. I look back up at the stars, the large universe that expands in front of us. He smells nice, sitting this close to him, I realize that. He smells like the mix of spice and oil, which smells nice together. It was so him.**

**“You know,” Poe states, “we all carry our own things but,” I look down at him waiting for him to finish. “If it ever gets too heavy, maybe I can help you carry it,” I blink in surprise at his words. It's been so long since I’ve even had a friend… did he really want to be my friend? He moves to stand up, but I stop with a hand to his arm. He looks down at me, raising an eyebrow at me. I wasn’t sure why I did that, why I reached out for him but I couldn’t help. It was nice having him here next to me, I almost felt a sense of relief having him here.**

**“You too,” I say in a hushed tone. He gives me a confused look before I explain, “if it ever gets too heavy, I’d like to help,”. He gives me a sweet smile as he settles back down next to me. I watch cautiously awaiting what he has to say. I wondered if I said too much, but waited patiently.**

**“Matter of fact,” he hums in response, “tonight it’s a bit too heavy,” he looks at me scooting closer, “what about you?”. I nod slowly as I glance back up at the sky, and silence falls over us again. I slowly lean my head down onto his shoulder, closing my eyes, and letting out a small sigh. This is the most secure and safe I have felt in a long time, and part of me, a large part of me didn’t want it to end.**

**“Did you find what you were looking for?” I mumble.**

**“Yeah, I think so,”.**

**~**

**_“The black squadron is back,” someone says behind me and I turn around trying not to show how excited I was. I start to push myself through the crowd of resistance pilots to see Poe Dameron climbing out of his x wing. I stand on the sidelines, trying to be sure that he can’t see me through the crowd. My eyes look him over to check for any life threatening injuries, but it only seems to be small scratches and bruises. Ever since that night on the XWING I have been avoiding Poe. I realized that I was feeling things way too hard and too fast. I couldn’t handle it, so now I just avoid Poe Dameron everywhere I go. Which can be difficult at times, the base isn’t that big. I sigh in relief when someone grabs my arm and I turn to see my mom._ **

**_My face turns a light pink, knowing she knows why I’m here, “you can’t hide from him forever, you know,” my mom says as I turn my body around to start walking away from the crowd. I scoffed not looking at her, I decided to let my eyes wander anywhere else. Obviously, I wouldn’t admit to my mother that I was avoiding Poe. That’s not a conversation I was ready to have._ **

**_“I-I’m not avoiding him,” I stutter when I hear footsteps running behind me. Please don’t be Poe, please don’t be Poe..._ **

**_“You’re allowed to feel again, Padme,” my mom assures me, “You’re not betraying Abel,”. I close my eyes and suck in a sharp breath, but before I can say anything there’s two arms turning me around to look at him. I open my eyes to glance up at his brown ones, and he gives me a smirk. I bristle slightly frustrated and look around at all the pilots rushing past us. They were hugging their friends, and laughing, getting ready to go to the cantina._ **

**_“Coming to check up on me, Solo?” he asks. Again, I scoff as I watch my mom walk away from us. I keep my eyes on her, cursing her in my head for leaving me to deal with this. The last person I need to speak to right now is Poe._ **

**_“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mumble looking anywhere but at his handsome face. Why did he make me so flustered? He’s just a man, handsome, tall, strong…. I shake my head. Just a man._ **

**_“Just come here, Solo,” he chuckles, yanking me into his arms. At first I’m stiff in his arms, but after a few seconds I melt wrapping my arms around him… a hug wouldn't be so bad, right?_ **

**_~_ **

**_I watch as the Resistance celebrates another small victory, and I glance around looking for a head full of curls knowing full well he is here somewhere celebrating. My smile falls off my face though, when I can’t figure out where exactly Poe Dameron is. I take a few steps, as a couple of pilots say my name, and I reply in a small greeting walking past them. Finally my eyes catch someone with thick curly hair, and in an orange jumpsuit walking quickly through the crowd making sure no one notices him along the way. I glance around me, and decide to follow him with furrowed brows. Usually Poe was the first one to be part of the celebrations and drinking, but by the look on his face as he quickly walks away towards the x wing graveyard, it didn’t seem he was in a partying mood._ **

**_I take quick steps to follow him, understanding what was going on at this point. Something was wrong, and I would be the first by his side the moment he needs it. I always would be. I lose sight of him for a few minutes, but quickly catch up as I know where he is going. I walk up to the x wing I usually hang out on in my rough nights. I stand for a second, gathering my emotions so that I can be completely there for him. I make the short climb up the ship, and pop my head out to see Poe sitting with his knees in his chest, his body trembling. I’ve never seen him cry before so the sight before me hurts me deeply._ **

**_I make the last tug pulling my body up on top and Poe slowly peeks his head out to look at me, his eyes red from crying. “Poe?” I ask quietly sitting next to him. He slowly unfolds himself to wipe away his tears, trying to calm himself. I figure he doesn’t like to appear weak in front of me, he seems to think he has to be strong for me and everyone else. I wish he would realize that he’s allowed to have a moment to feel, to have someone else provide him with comfort._ **

**_“H-hey princess,” he murmurs trying to even out his breathing. I look him over a pang of sadness hitting my chest at his pain. Poe was always the one standing strong, being there for me, but now it was my turn to be here for him. I scooch closer to him, moving to climb into his lap, which he gladly opens up his arms to do. I wrap my arms around his neck, and my legs around his waist to pull him closer to me. Poe clings tighter to me, hiding his face into my neck, and I feel his hot tears as he continues to cry letting himself feel for once. I rub his back soothingly, murmuring assuring words as he slowly unravels in my arms. “It’s my fault,” he mutters through his tears._ **

**_I feel my heart fall at his words, “What is, love?”_ **

**_“They’re dead because of me…, if I was a better leader…,” he croaks, and I suck in a sharp breath at his words. He’s talking about the pilots lost in the mission, despite the mission being a success, there were still lives lost. I understand the weight of dead soldiers on your shoulders, as I was my mom’s second in command in making decisions. Both her and I have made decisions that have gotten others killed, it was a difficult thing to deal with. I reach one of my hands up to play with his curls, and rub his back with my other hand._ **

**_“No, Poe,” I responded quietly, “we didn’t kill them, none of us did. The first order did,”. His body shakes as he continues to cry, and he only nods at my words, probably not even believing me. “I’m right here Poe, I promise,” I soothe as he tightens his grip on me, “I’ve got you,”._ **

**_~_ **

**_“Padme,” my mom walks up behind me as I sit at the area where the x wings usually arrive. I’m sitting cross legged, waiting on Poe Dameron to come back from his mission along with his crew. I turn back to look at her letting out a small yawn, and she gives me a small smile. “I just heard from Poe,” I’m up in seconds at her words and she laughs lightly. “They’re on their way home, he told me to tell you to go get some rest, he’ll be to bed soon,” I blush at the idea that my mom knows we share a bed. It was obvious though, I was hardly ever in my own quarters. Poe has gotten to the point where he automatically thinks that I’m always sleeping with him, due to the nightmares. I like to also think I help him sleep as well._ **

**_I shake my head, letting out a big yawn this time, “No it’s okay, I’ll wait here for him,”. She shakes her head, but knows she won’t be able to change my mind so she turns to go to her quarters inside, probably getting some much needed rest. I sit alone in the dark underneath the stars while I wait for Poe to return. He’s been gone for about two days now, and of course I haven’t slept at all since he’s been gone. He’s the only person who rids me of my nightmares, mostly anyway. Not to mention, I spent almost every waking moment worrying about him and his safety. I was friends with some of the folks in his squadron as well, so I worry for them too._ **

**_I pull the blanket I had around my frame tighter as the wind grows chilly. It was then that I heard the familiar roar of the XWINGS as they started to land, stirring up leaves from the ground. I’m quickly on my feet watching them land, waiting for the dust to settle before I dash out there. I start to walk quickly through the exhausted pilots as they climb out of their XWINGS and I come to a stop at Poe’s. Every muscle in my body relaxes at the sight of him climbing out of his XWING. He’s okay, he’s here._ **

**_I manage a tired smile as BB8 drops out of the ship and appears excitedly before me. I kneel down petting his head, when Poe climbs out. “Hey, sweetheart,” he mumbles, sounding exhausted. His voice is music to my ears. I stand on my feet, wrapping my arms around him, not even waiting for him to put down his helmet. I’ve been waiting for days to be in his arms again, and I felt so relieved now that he was here. He’s okay, he’s alive, he’s here with me. That’s all that mattered._ **

**_He just drops the helmet at his side as he wraps his arms around me speaking into my hair, “didn’t I tell you to get some rest?”. I pull away looking him over and checking for injuries. I notice a small cut on his temple and I reach up softly to touch it._ **

**_“And I thought I told you, no injuries,” I reply simply and he chuckles._ **

**_“You got me there, princess..”_ **

**_~_ **

**_“What’s this?” I ask Poe, curious. I was laying on his bare chest in his room, twirling the ring around his neck in my fingers. It was another sleepless night for me, full of nightmares. In the dim light, the ring looks to be a simple silver band with some designs I don’t recognize on them. He gently takes it from my hand, looking down at it with a hint of sadness in his eyes. His chest moves slowly beneath me as he breathes, and I watch him carefully._ **

**_I reached up to play with the curls on his head, suddenly feeling bad for bringing it up. “It was my mother’s,” he said softly looking down at it intently. He sits up still holding me in his arms, and he looks down at me. “I’m saving it for someone special,” he doesn’t remove his eyes from me as he speaks, “the person I’m going to marry,”. He touches my cheek softly, that same look in his eyes that he always has when he looks at me, “the love of my life,”._**

**_A breath catches in my throat, and I think about kissing him right then and there. When did I let myself fall so far for him? He glances down at my lips and back up at me, and I think about it. I mean I really think about it. What’s stopping us? Nothing is standing in our way, we could kiss right here, right now. I could finally admit out loud how I feel. But…_ **

**_“I-I uh... I can’t..,” I whisper, climbing out of the bed quickly. There’s too much at risk. If Ben found out… that’s just someone else he could take away from me. I can’t lose someone else, I’d rather have Poe in my life as my friend instead of risking losing him. I wasn’t brave enough to do this. I can’t do this. I can’t love him._ **

**_“Wait a minute,” Poe starts and I look at him from where I’m standing. He looks so vulnerable sitting there, like he had really put his heart out on the line, for me to only crush it. I shake my head, to keep myself from falling apart right in front of him. He lets out a breath running his hand through his curls, “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… just come back to bed, please?”. I nod slowly, taking small steps back to the bed and climbing back in. He gently pulls me back down onto his chest, and I close my eyes, feeling hopeless. How could I ever fully love again? When I couldn’t even let go of the past._ **

**_~_ **

**_“Padme, hey wait, where are you going?” Poe asks as I make my way towards the x wing graveyard. I turn on my toes to raise my eyebrow at him in question as he jogs towards me. He knew where I was going, I took this path quite frequently. Today of all days, I just wanted to be there to cry. “We’re having a small celebration for the successful supply run, do you want to come join us?” he questions rolling up and down on his feet. I furrow my brows now in confusion, we never have a celebration for something as simple as a supply run. It seems kind of silly to me to celebrate something so small, to waste resources on something like that._ **

**_“I uh,” I start thinking on my words, but the look on his face says it all. His brown eyes excited me to spend time with me. I let out a small breath in frustration, “Okay, but like, an hour okay?” He gives me an ecstatic nod and reaches his hand out, and I take it easily as we make our way towards the celebration. I lace my fingers through his and he gives my hand a small squeeze giving me a huge grin. I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously, hoping that my mom didn't tell him what today was. She was the only one in the entire resistance, who knew that today was mine and Ben’s birthday, and that’s because… well she gave birth to us. On our birthday, things feel ten times worse, and even though I’ve tried to cut myself off from Ben I can still feel him every so faintly._ **

**_We stop at the front of the small gathering, and my heart stops at all of the decorations and lights, and the small fire in the middle of it all. “This seems awfully planned, for a random celebration,” I mutter, rolling my eyes to look at Poe who only shrugs sheepishly. I sigh as I look at the many individuals gathered around drinking and eating as they laugh and smile. I don’t usually join the parties, only a handful of times have I gone with Poe. I rarely loosen up, but Poe tries really hard to get me to. He worries I’m too serious all the time._ **

**_A couple hours pass, and I’m laughing and smiling along with them, having the best time I have had in awhile. The sun has gone down, the lights used as decoration and the fire in the center of it all lighting up our features. It was a beautiful night, and I’m glad I’m here to enjoy it with my friends. I’m laughing at something one of my friends says, when Poe walks up to me with his hand held out, “can i have this dance?”. I look at him, and give him a small smile and nod as we make our way to the others who are dancing. There’s soft music playing in the background, and my chest swells with happiness as Poe wraps one secure arm around my waist to pull me close. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he places his other hand in my hair to lace his fingers through it. We move slowly to the music and Poe hums in content._ **

**_“Happy Birthday, princess,” he whispers in my ear and I stop breathing for a second realizing I was right, my mom did tell him. I had to know._ **

**_“Mom,” I grumble under my breath, and he laughs softly. “You did this all for me?” I question slightly shocked at how he got the time between everything to plan a small party. He only nods, as he spins my body away from him, and back towards him, looking down into my eyes. I can’t help the warmth that spreads throughout my body due to the way that he’s looking at me. His eyes hold so much love I can’t help but wonder why we’ve never done anything about it._ **

**_“W-Why, you didn’t have to…,” my voice shakes slightly as I swallow back the lump in my throat. He stops moving for a second, pulling out something from his pocket. It was a small package wrapped in shiny and silver paper. I look down at it for a second and then look up at him. He gestures for me to take it from his hands, and I slowly take it, to carefully unwrap the pretty paper. It reveals a small silver chain, with silver dice on it, much like my father used to have in his falcon, except my father’s were gold. They were beautiful despite the difference though, and I couldn’t believe that Poe remembered about the dice. Did this man listen to every single small thing I told him?_ **

**_“I know you said your dad’s were gold, and I tried to find them…,” before he could finish his sentence I threw my arms around him to hug him tightly to me as tears fell. I hid my face in his chest, breathing him in. I can’t help the tears that fall, that weren’t really sad tears, but happy overwhelmed ones. Someone hasn’t done something this nice for me in years, it was strange to feel like someone cares._ **

**_“W-Why did you?,” I whisper quietly as he holds me firmly against him._ **

**_“I know that today only reminds you of the day your brother was brought into this world, but it’s also the day you were brought into this world. And I’m so… happy you were,” he pulls away to look into my eyes the next words making me cry even harder, “I can’t imagine a life without you in it,”. I’m so happy that Poe is in my life. I can’t believe such a wonderful human being was here, with me of all people. He had dozens of choices on this base, I’ve seen how the other girls have looked at him. He could have anyone. Yet, he was here for me, he was… waiting for me. The twinkly light shines in his eyes, making them a sweet honey color._ **

**_I’m quiet for a moment, the words on the edge of my tongue, Poe Dameron… I… come on idiot you can say it. I feel it so intensely at the moment, my heart beating heavily in my chest. I could say it right now, make him mine, and he wouldn’t have to wait any longer. We could be together. All I had to do was say it. “Poe, I…,” I start and he reaches up as I come at a loss of words again, to wipe away the tears from my cheeks._ **

**_“I know,” he replies quietly._ **

**_~~~_ **


	13. Chapter 13: Grandfather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme Solo wakes up briefly to say goodbye - and gets swept back into darkness. Will she come back from near death?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry about the late update! The warnings for this chapter includes death, sadness, pain, blood, etc. I hope that you enjoy this chapter. Quick reminder, I do not own Star Wars or its characters. May the force be with you!

“Padme,” I hear a distant voice, and I try to blink my eyes open against the deep heaviness I feel in them. It feels like a large weight is lying on top of me, and every breath is a struggle. My body begs for air, or for rest, but I know that I can’t rest. A thought itches in the back of my mind, reminding me that somehow waking up was urgent. “Padme, please, wake up, please…,” All of a sudden, I am completely immersed in agony as I slowly force my eyes open. I groaned trying to focus my eyes, and shiver underneath the coat of snow that has fallen over me. “Oh thank the creator,” I hear the same voice. I blink a couple more times, and realize it’s Rey hovering over me trying to stop the blood flow on my wound. In the faint light left I can see that her face is covered in tears, and I wondered mildly if something else happened while I was out. Who’s missing? Finn! Where’s Finn? 

  
“R-Rey,” I speak though grunts of pain, tasting the familiar iron taste of blood in my mouth. It’s difficult to see through the snow and darkness, the only thing I can really focus on is my friend hovering above me. It was difficult to focus through all of the suffering coursing through my very being. Creator, so much pain… It was like my entire body was on fire. A thought settled into me, knowing that I wouldn’t make it through this. They say that sometimes people know when they are going to die, and for me that was the moment. I let the finality of it hit me, as I gaze up at my friend of whom I grew so close to within a day. I hope that Finn and my mom will be there for her. 

“We have to go,” Rey says looking behind her and then back at me, “Can you stand?”. I suck in a shaky breath as she helps to try to lift me up. My legs tremble beneath me as we stand. I almost fall back down but Rey is quick to catch me and keep me up. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to ignore the true pain that was weighing down my body, as we try to trudge forward to the falcon. We don’t make it very far when the ground shakes underneath us, and my knees buckle under me. There was no way she could get me to the falcon, not like this. I wonder mildly why she just won’t leave me on this planet to die. I don’t want to take her down with me. 

I let out a loud cry as Rey tries to lift me back up, and I shake my head gasping for air. It feels like I’m drowning, as if water is draining into my lungs. I’m knocking on death’s door, right now, and I don’t think I can be saved. “R-Rey, you need to,” I groan in pain between words, “go,”. I glance around to see trees fallen and realize that this planet will implode on itself any minute now. “I’m not going to make it,” I cough on blood. One of us should make it out of here, and I know in my heart it has to be her. I know she’s the one destined to save the galaxy, to bring light back. Her life is just starting. 

She shakes her head holding up as much of my body weight as she can, “I’m not leaving you, you came back for me,” she breathes heavily as she starts moving us forward towards the falcon. There was so much  _ suffering _ . I’ve never felt anything like this before, I thought that I felt intense pain before but I had no idea. We barely make it onto the ramp of the ship when my body completely gives out on me. Rey tries her best to catch me, but my body is basically just dead weight at this point. 

I hit the ramp pretty hard, and I let out a loud whimper just letting myself lay there. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave everyone that I love behind. It isn’t too long before two familiar and very hairy arms swept me up off the ramp and into the falcon. I let out another scream of pure agony as he lifted me. I cling to Uncle Chewie, taking in his familiar comfort, happy that at least someone from my family is here. My Uncle Chewie was there for me a lot as a child, especially when my parents were gone all the time. When Ben was training, or my parents were working, I was either with Uncle Chewie or Lando. Chewie grumbles sadly, looking down at me in concern. It’s difficult to keep my eyes open the more blood I lose, but I try to force them open for as long as I can. Chewie sets me down gently in a bed that I realize is my father’s. I take in the familiar bed and let out a cry as Chewie walks out to help Rey fly the falcon. 

With a shaky and bloody hand I reach into the now almost destroyed jacket of Poe’s to grasp the communicator in my hand. I bring it as close to my mouth as I can and press the button. I shudder in pain as I wait as patiently as I can for Poe to answer. I need to hear his voice, at least one more time. I need to say goodbye. He needs to know how many times he saved my life without even knowing. I need to tell him I love him, one last time. “Woo,” Poe’s excited voice comes through the small mic. I try to smile through the blinding blind as he speaks to me, “we did it princess!,”. I feel a sense of relief that he is okay, and that we did indeed achieve our goal, despite the losses. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to steady my breathing. One last conversation, and I can let go, I can leave everything behind. 

I try to gather up the strength, and energy to speak, rasping for air. “Sweetheart?” Poe’s voice becomes more serious now with concern. It’s silent for a few more seconds, “P-Padme?”. The sound of my actual name made my guts twist, not used to hearing it from him unless it was something serious. I didn’t call him to cause him pain, but now that we’re here, I know that’s all that I’ll bring him. For once though, I wanted to be selfish, I wanted to hear his voice despite the pain we will both feel. I need him. I know it hurts but I need him. 

“Poe,” I try not to sound like I’m in pain, but I am and it’s so difficult to power through it. Where do I even begin? How do I say goodbye to the love of my life, especially after we just found each other again? I’m leaving everyone behind, and I don’t know how I’ll move on knowing that. I close my eyes picturing Poe being here with me, his brown eyes, his curls, his strong arms. The safety and love I feel when I’m around him, and I let that feeling sink into me. 

“Padme, what’s going on? Are you okay?” He asks the stress in his voice more evident now. I really thought that we had a chance, a chance to live and grow old together, but that all seems distant now. I wanted to have a future with him, win this war, marry him, have children. I wanted to settle down, stop fighting and just live to be together. 

“I-I’m sorry…,” I cough again my body convulsing in pain. There was no way I would survive, not through a lightsaber wound like this. There was so much I wanted to do, there was so much I wanted to say. At least I can tell him this one last thing, I could tell him about my intentions that night. I can tell him how much he helped me throughout the years. The light at the end of my tunnel it seems. 

“D-Do you remember… that first night, o-on the XWING?,” tears are running down my cheeks. I hear Poe’s breath hitch from the other side, and I almost wish he was here so that I can see him one more time. I want to be in his arms. I need to be in his arms. If I had known…

“Of course. Padme Solo, what’s going on?” He asks urgently. I squeeze my eyes shut, and hate myself for destroying him like this. I hope that he’s able to move forward, I hope that he’s able to fight alongside my mom. I hope… 

“You saved me,” I stopped gasping for air, “you saved my life that n-night…,”. 

“No,” he breathes, “you are not dying on me,”. His voice is thick with tears. “Please,” he chokes on his sobs. I knew that he would be okay. Poe Dameron was the strongest person I know besides my mother. At the thought of my mother, a quiet cry hitches in my throat, hoping that he would be there for her. 

“I love you,” I use the last of my energy for the words, as my eyes slide closed and I’m thrown into darkness. The last sound in my ears is Poe’s begging voice, begging me to step back towards the light, and away from the darkness… 

~ 

**_Death felt strange, it felt like...well nothing. I felt nothing. Any pain or even pleasure I could feel is gone. I am vacant of feeling emotion, at first. I just exist in this never ending dark void. I’m just floating, waiting for a destination, but I’m not sure where the destination would even be if you died. My eyes fly open and I realize I’m standing in a white room, with white walls, white floor, and white roof. I take a few steps looking down at my body, trying to figure out what exactly has happened and where I am. The sound of my footsteps echo through the empty room, and I stop walking. The last thing I remember… is hearing Poe’s voice. I look myself over to realize that I’m wearing white robes, much like the jedi robes I’ve seen my Uncle Luke wear. I bring my hands up to my face, seeing two perfectly attached hands. I must be… dead. Ben cut off my right hand, I lifted my hand to look at it and move my fingers just to be sure. I jump when the fingers actually respond and move. Yep. Dead. This is the afterlife? A large white void?_ **

_**“Where is she? Where’s my girl?” Poe’s voice rings out. I turn quickly on my feet. I blink to see a distant dark silhouette of the pilot, as he races forward. I take even quicker steps to get close to him but it seems the closer I get the more distant the silhouette grows. I watch in dismay as the figure moves so fast that it disappears into thin air. What was going on?** _

**_“Poe?” I gasp taking rapid steps towards the sound._ **

**_“Padme,” I stop in my tracks at the sound of the voice. I didn’t recognize the voice, unsure of who was speaking to me. Part of me knows I’ve heard it before, but I’m just not sure where. I turn back around slowly to look around, but still there’s no one else here. “Padme, search your feelings,” the same voice whispers. My heartbeat is loud in my ears, as I close my eyes trying to focus. “You know who I am,” the male voice assures._ **

**_A vision of my lightsaber flashes through my vision and I open my eyes again to a man in brown robes standing in front of me. He had dirty blonde hair that came down in waves almost to his shoulders, blue eyes, and a scar along his left eye. “Grandfather?” I gasp in surprise. Looking at the boy in front of me, you would never think that he was Darth Vader. He was so young, and kind with the small smile on his features. He simply nods in response, waiting for my next words. “A-Am I dead?” I ask slowly. Surely if my deceased grandfather was standing in front of me, I must be dead. Any hint of darkness that I felt from his lightsaber, was not here within him. Where once I felt he must have had confusion and darkness, there was only light._ **

**_He shakes his head, “No, well, not yet,” he answers softly._ **

**_“Am I going to die?” my voice catches._ **

**_“I like to think you're not,” a different, more familiar voice says as he appears next to my grandfather. My eyes widened in shock at him, the tall young boy in front of me. His dark hair hanging around his face in curls, his green eyes just like I remember them. My eyes roam his features, the only time I’m able to see him was in my unpleasant dreams. Right now it felt like all those years ago, when our love first started to bloom. It almost feels like yesterday, we had that fight and I didn’t tell him I loved him too. One of my biggest regrets. If I had known that hours later after our fight, he would die, I wouldn’t have let my angry words be the last things I say to him,_ **

**_“A-Abel?” I have to restrain myself from running to him and embracing him. Was he really this young? Did he really die this young? “Maybe,” I start avoiding eye contact with either of them, “I deserve to,”. I look down at my hands, the fight between Ben and I flashing into my vision. I was going to kill. “I let the darkness in,” my voice is quiet as I look back up at them. I gave in to the temptations that I have been fighting all of my life, in one huge moment of weakness._ **

**_My grandfather takes a few steps closer to me, “Padme, you don’t deserve to die,” he stops right in front of me. “As Maz told you earlier, we all have darkness, it is only we who can choose if we act on it,” he gives me a kind smile. He was so understanding, and kind, I wonder what happened to lead him to the path of the darkness. What caused his downfall? I almost wanted to ask him._ **

**_“I did act on the darkness,” I speak slowly, “I wanted to kill him, I was going to…,”. He keeps his eyes locked on mine, as he reaches down grabbing my hands and squeezing them. I felt completely at ease with him here, like even though I did something wrong, I wasn’t on trial here._ **

**_“To be fair,” my grandfather says, “that was a reasonable response. You watched your father die,”. I kind of just jolted back at his response. That wasn’t what I was expecting to hear. I know that he did much worse things, but what I did was still terrible._ **

**_“Let me continue,” he chuckles at my response, “But the quickest path to the darkness, is that anger that you let consume you, which is something that you must train in,”. I nod slowly as he releases my hands stepping back next to Abel. He was right. I made a mistake, and I’ll learn from it. I won’t let the anger consume me anymore._ **

**_“The only reason I stopped was…,” I start looking at Abel who smiles sheepishly._ **

**_“Is because of Abel, I know,” my grandfather cuts his eyes to Abel. “Usually, we should not involve ourselves in such matters but,” he looks back at me, his features softening, “I’m relieved that he did,”. Ben Solo was still alive because of Abel, and part of me feels like I should be angry but I’m not. I’m grateful that Abel stopped me from making the biggest mistake I could have ever made._ **

**_“Me too,” I breath looking over at Abel with a grateful glance._ **

**_“Padme, I’m so sorry, I failed your brother, now I’ve failed you too,” my head turns at the sound of my mother’s distraught voice. I see a silhouette of her hunched over, and sobbing figure. My lips tremble, a cry getting caught in my throat and I know I have to somehow make it back. I have to live. I quickly turn back to my grandfather and Abel a new sense of motivation in my bones to get back to my mom and Poe._ **

**_“How do I get back to them?” I ask in a begging tone._ **

**_“You just close your eyes, and follow their voices darling,” my grandfather says gently. Doubt seizes my thought, wondering how it could ever be that easy. I feel like it should be much harder to come back from the verge of death._ **

**_“How do you know that will work?” I ask unsure._** ** _  
_****_“I just do,” he replies with a knowing smile. I look between the two and decide to let my eyes settle on my grandfather. I want to see him again. I know that he can help me, train me in the force in the ways that others can’t._**

**_“Will I see you again?” I half whisper. My grandfather nods, and gestures with his hands before speaking._ **

**_“Of course, who else is going to help your mother train you?” I smile at his response and then turn my eyes to Abel. I don’t want this to be the last time I see him, his eyes or smile. He was my first love. I don’t want him to go. Part of me knows though, that maybe it was time to let him go._ **

**_“What about you?,” my voice shakes, “will I see you again?”._ **

**_He steps past my grandfather and stops in front of me dipping down to gently touch my chin with one of his hands, “Not unless you need me again,”. I look up into his emerald eyes, the old familiar ache of his absence throbbing. “Which, with that pilot of yours around, I don’t think you will,” he finishes. There’s no resentment or anger in his tone, like I thought there would be. I thought he would be angry that I moved on, but he sounds mostly relieved._ **

**_“I miss you,” I whisper through my tears, digesting everything about him. The freckles, the little scar under his eye. He looks sad for a moment at my words, but doesn’t say anything. He just leans down to leave a lingering kiss on my forehead and I close my eyes letting out a small breath. It was time to move on._ **

**_“Padme,” I hear Poe’s voice again, only sounding more broken this time, “Please come back to me…,”. My stomach drops, and I try not to let my emotions take over the small moment I have with Abel. The last moment I will probably ever have with him._ **

**_“Close your eyes, Padme,” Abel speaks softly as he pulls my body into his. I nod slowly, wrapping my small arms around him, I close my eyes throwing myself into darkness again. Hoping that when I wake, I would wake with those I love._ **

**_~_ **


	14. Chapter 14: Following the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Padme Solo going to follow the stars back to Poe Dameron?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo guys! Here's another sad short chapter for you. The only warning I have for you is angst. I do not own Star Wars, remember! (Although sometimes I wish I did..). I hope that you guys enjoy it! May the force be with you.

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLiDJ1rdtTc>

It’s dark. There’s pitch blackness completely surrounding me, as I take a glance around unsure of what to do. I try to think hard on what Abel and my grandfather told me before I was thrown into darkness.  _ Just close your eyes. Listen to their voices. _

__

I give a small nod to myself, and close my eyes, focusing.

_ “Padme,” _

Poe’s voice is distant, but it’s strong enough for me to be able to take a step towards it.

I slowly open my eyes to look at where my feet should be, and there’s lights like stars beneath me in a straight path. I glance back up to see the path going forward, to a point where I can’t see the end of the path. My stomach churns at the sight of the unknown. 

I take one last glance back at the darkness behind me, wondering, thinking, that maybe turning around and going back could be so much easier. No more fighting, no more wars, I would finally be at peace. Not one moment in my life have I truly been at peace; was this my chance? It’s the sound of my pilot, and my mother’s voice that pulls me completely from these thoughts. I could never leave them behind. Not like this. I closed my eyes letting out a slow breath, knowing this was the moment I had to let the past go. I had to let Abel go, to move forward. “I love you,” my voice breaks at the words, “I will never go a moment without loving you,”. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and chest, as I finally say the words after all this time. I hope that somewhere, wherever Abel is, that he heard them, that he knows. He was my first love, that kind of love, never dies. I’ll never forget him, even if it was time to let him and the past go.

I open my eyes and start to take slow steps along the path of lights, with each passing step the voice of those I love become louder. The path of stars becomes brighter and brighter as I become closer to my heart beating again. I can feel it as my soul slowly starts to attach itself back to life, back to the living.  _ “Padme Solo, I love you…,” _ Poe’s words are the last push I need as I take the last step throwing me into the bright void that is life. 

~

I was cold and then I was warm - it was like every inch of me was dipped in sunlight. The darkness consuming me was slowly ebbing away as I felt my limbs come back to life. It was almost as if I was frozen and I was being defrosted. I wondered for a moment if this is how my father felt after they took him out of the carbonite. I try to focus on Poe and my mother’s voice as I try to fight my way back to the light. I still couldn’t breath, my lungs trying their best to boot back up with my body. All of the sudden the warmth completely takes over as my eyes open and I take in a small breath. Once my eyes open, I notice two strong and steady arms holding me tightly to their body. It only takes me a few seconds to realize that the body was trembling uncontrollably with sobs. I furrow my brows in confusion as the tingling feeling in my fingers start to fade. I suck in another breath, clinging on to the orange jumpsuit with my one hand. I was _back._ My grandfather and Abel were right, I’m here, and I’m alive. 

The body holding me ceases to move at my sudden movement, and I feel as if he stops breathing for a second unsure of how to respond. Poe Dameron remains still for a moment but then slowly starts to pull away to look me over. His chocolate eyes are red, his cheeks wet from his sobs - he was a mess and I couldn’t blame him. I had scared myself with what happened, unsure if I was going to be able to come back to him and my mom. “How-,’ he starts but stops trying to catch his bearings. “You… you were gone…,” he sucks in a large breath, his eyes moving from my face down to my abdomen, where there was once a wound, now there wasn’t. If I was honest, I had no idea how to explain it myself. It was almost as if my entire body was brand new, the aches and pains from before completely gone. The wounds from the torture, everything, all of it was gone. There wasn’t even pain in my wrist, where my hand was cut off. It was completely healed, and looked as if it had been taken off months ago. My entire body was healed, and I wondered partly if Abel or my grandfather were responsible for that. 

“I held you… while you… took your last breath…,” I can tell he’s struggling even speaking right now. I can’t imagine how he feels, holding me while I died, because if I had gone through it, I would be just in as bad of shape as him. Hot tears fill my vision knowing the pain I must have put him through. I died, I know I died, I felt it. The darkness, the numbness… I was floating in a void.  _ Dead. _ I was too weak, I wasn’t strong enough to fight Ben and it got me killed. Before I can try to provide him any comfort though, I hear my mom’s voice behind me. 

“P-Padme?'' Her voice is thick with confusion and tears. I turn slowly to see her standing next to my father’s bed, her hand now covering her mouth as if she is trying to conceal her emotions.I can tell that she has been crying as well. What do I say to the two people I love most in the word after dying in front of them? Especially when it was my own fault. I didn’t even know where to begin, it all happened so fast. Only hours ago my father was still alive, and I had been reunited with Poe Dameron. Everything was looking up, but now my father was dead. The thought of it tugged at my heart, leaving me almost breathless.  _ My father’s gone. _

“I’m… so sorry…,” my voice is barely audible. My chest is tight in anxiety at the thought that they would never forgive me for what happened. If I had fought harder, or if I had not let the dark overcome me, maybe this would have never happened. A million solutions float around my head, things I could have done that could have prevented this. I wasn’t sure how to take this better, how to make it up to them that I died right in front of them. 

Poe gently grabs my chin so that I’m looking at him, “You came back to us, that’s what matters,” his voice is weak after crying so much. I looked into his exhausted eyes, and tried to blink away the tears that threatened to fall. I made it back to them. I’m here. My mom takes a seat next to us, Poe scooting over with me in his arms. I turn my body so that I can look at both of them. I try to think of the words to explain what happened, but all I can think about is how painful it will be for my mother to find out about my father. I glance up at the door to see Uncle Chewy and Rey standing near the door of the room just watching the interaction. They both look relieved seeing me awake and okay, Rey herself looks as if she had been crying. I let out a quiet breath looking at the red rimmed eyes of Rey. Do I hurt everyone around me? 

My mom reaches out for my left hand, my now only hand, and Poe places a gentle hand on my lower back. “What happened?” my mom asks quietly and I look away from Rey and Chewy to look at my mother. Where do I begin? How do I explain that her son killed her husband? Poe starts to slowly rub circles on my lower back trying to soothe my anxiety. I have no idea how to tell this story, and the thought of reliving it was even more terrifying. The moment my father toppled over into the endless void of that ship, will haunt me for the rest of my life. 

“It was going well,” I let out a breath as I spoke, “we were able to bring down the shields, we found Rey,” I looked up at Rey with a small smile happy that she was with us and then back at my mom to continue speaking. “We were leaving, but..,” I looked over at Poe, “we saw that you guys were struggling, we couldn’t leave… we couldn’t let this be for nothing,” I look over at my mom, whose face is soft at the words. She knew that I would do anything for the resistance, no matter the risks, and that’s what we did. We did what we had to do, and even though I lost my father because of it, we did blow up that horrible weapon. We set the First Order back one step, and that may be small but it's something. 

“We had explosives so we went back, to place them inside,” my chest tightens and I look away from them not being able to face their looks as I continue. “That’s when… well… Ben showed up,” I stare blankly at the wall of my dad’s room. “I tried mom,” I choke on my words squeezing my eyes shut, “I tried so hard… to save him, but Ben was stronger…,”. I start to cry again unable to stop it, unable to even think about it as the scene plays over in my head. I open my eyes quickly shaking my head, as if that would get rid of what happened. I couldn’t get the words out, I couldn’t tell my mom that Ben killed my father, her husband. I tried so hard to save my dad, and that wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough. How could I let Ben kill him? Sobs start to bubble into my chest, as I try to calm myself down. I feel Poe’s hand travel up to my hair, running his fingers through it, trying to ease me even if just a bit. 

My mom squeezes my hand in her own, “I know,” her voice is small as she says it. I looked into her eyes, knowing that she was telling the truth. She must have sensed it when my father passed, and she could only assume the worst when she had begged him to bring Ben back to her. I close my eyes again, taking in a deep breath trying to settle my nerves. I try to find out how to word the next events that unfolded, knowing that my brother killed my dad was one thing, but now I would have to tell them how I tried to kill Ben, and how Ben succeeded in killing me. This entire thing was a whole mess, I wasn’t sure where to begin to fix this. It feels like our family, everything is just broken beyond fixing. 

“At first,” I say quietly, “we just ran, Rey, Finn, and I, just wanting to get out of there… but…,” I stopped looking down, “but he followed us.. and I was.. so angry,” I stopped to look at Poe for strength to continue. Poe smooths some loose hair out of my face, giving me a small nod to let me know that he was here now, that nothing could happen to me. “He hurt Rey again, he just killed…,” I stop choking on tears again, “I let the darkness in, the anger, the hatred… I fed off it, and I almost... I almost killed him,” I let out a small breath, trying to control my tears that still fell. I squeeze my eyes shut, the scene playing over behind my eyelids again. The anger I felt, the moment where I almost brought down the saber to kill Ben Solo. The honest fear that was in his eyes in that moment, thinking that I would kill him right then and there. I wanted to, at that moment I really wanted to. I’ve never felt that angry before.

It’s quiet in the room for a moment, as they all wait for me to finish the story, “but in a moment of weakness, I held back, and Ben got the upper hand,” I sigh holding up my now nub of a hand. I look to the side at Rey, “I’m not really too sure about what else happened, only that Rey got me out of there, she saved me…,” I stood from Poe’s arms and my mom’s hand to reach out for Rey and embrace her. I clung tightly to her, knowing that for her watching my dad die in front of her must have been just as difficult for her. When we first met, she was so hesitant to even touch anyone, now as we stand here she embraces me even more tightly than before. I feel her tears, as she starts to cry into my shoulder, and I do the same. 

It’s not long before I feel two hairy arms wrap around both of us and lift us off the ground. I let out a small laugh as my mom stands to wrap herself around us too, as Chewy sets us back on the ground. “Come here,” I said peeking out and holding out my hand for Poe to join us. He’s hesitant at first, but stands slowly on his feet to join the huge group hug. I close my eyes, tears still falling, and I sigh knowing that my father is still somewhere out there watching over me, and my mother. I also knew that no matter how difficult this would get, at least I have the people I love by my side. 

***


	15. Chapter 15: Between It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme Solo survived - but what kind of toll will this have on her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's some angst and fluff, with some small scenes before we dive into the Last Jedi. The next couple of chapters will be some small scenes in between. I do not own Star Wars or its characters. May the force be with you!

I stand next to Chewie, trying to provide whatever comfort that I can as he groans. I reach out with my hand to rub his arm, in some form of comfort. His brown curls are soft in my hand as I try to soothe his loss. I probably couldn’t come close to understanding what he was going through, my dad was his best friend, his brother. I let out a breath of sadness myself, which leads to Poe reaching out an arm towards me to wrap around my waist, and pull me into him. I pull my hand slowly away from Chewie, curling myself into the pilot. I lean into his warmth and embrace, trying to keep my emotions under control. I was finally able to contain the tears, if only for a little while. I stare off at R2D2, and let out another small breath of air, another lost companion. I wondered if he would wake up eventually, and if he did, when it would be. I’m startled out of my thoughts as he slowly starts to move his head, and let out a spew of beeps. “R2?” I mumble breaking from Poe’s grasp on me and walking closer to look at him. BB8 rolls up beside us, then lets out beeps himself trying to speak with R2. Both of the droids start up a conversation and Poe comes to stand next to me, looking just as perplexed as I was. Why now? Why did he choose to wake, after all this time? 

C3P0 makes his way towards us in excitement at seeing that his friend was now awake and speaking, “R2D2! You’ve come back,” if a droid could smile, I know he would be right now as he’s speaking to R2. I smile too, unable to hold it back, and I look at Poe, who has the same smile as I do at the reunion. In the midst of loss, something good came from it all. I look back at the droids as R2 beeps excitedly, and C3P0 recoils in surprise, “You found what?”. R2 replies with some annoyed beeps and C3P0 retorts, “how dare you call me that!”. I let out a small giggle, the first since losing my dad, and that leaves Poe to let out a laugh as well. C3P0 smacks R2 on the head, and BB8 beeps again and then R2 starts beeping again hurriedly. From what I can translate, it sounds like he’s talking about Uncle Luke… “Find Master Luke, how?” C3P0 mutters and then looks up at Poe and I. Was it possible that R2 may have the other piece to the map, the last puzzle piece to finish this mission? 

“Let’s go tell the others,” I exclaim, turning to walk towards my mother, with Poe and the droids on my heels. When we walk up to my mother she’s looking down sadly at some data, mostly just keeping to herself. We’ve all suffered a big loss today, with the loss of my father. I can’t begin to imagine how Uncle Chewie or my mom are feeling right now. I wish I could take the pain away from them. Even better, I wish I could have saved my father. I wish I could have stopped Ben from killing him. I force all of these fluttering thoughts away from my mind as we step close to my mom, knowing that I needed to be strong for her. I’m the first to walk up to her and shake her out of her sad state, “Mom!”. She looks up at me in surprise as the droids and Poe stop right behind me. I’m smiling pretty widely, which makes my mom give me a look of confusion. 

“General,” Poe starts but C3P0 interrupts him which makes Poe give him a sharp look.

“R2 may contain some much-needed good news,” C3P0 says excitedly. 

“Tell me,” mom says quietly, and I reach out for her hand holding it in my own. She gives my hand a slight squeeze before placing her focus on the matter at hand.All of us stand around R2, as he projects what looks like a piece of a map. Poe stands next to me, his face amazed, as we all try to figure it out. Could this be the other half of the map to Uncle Luke? BB8 rolls closer to take a look, Poe and I watching him as he does so. BB8 rolls over quickly to us, and Poe kneels down to look at him as he speaks. Poe nods listening carefully to what BB has to say, and I do the same. He’s saying something about the nap he was carrying, and I realize that maybe I was right. This was the other piece to the map we needed. We’ll be able to find Uncle Luke.

“Yeah, all right buddy. Hold on,” Poe responds and I watch affectionately at the two admiring their relationship. The commander treats the droid like his son, his pride and joy, it was absolutely adorable. Poe stands back up on his feet turning around to grab what I assume is the drive with the piece of the map that goes to Uncle Luke in it. He turns back around to place it into BB8 and BB rolls back over next to R2 projecting his piece of the map. It fits almost perfectly, and I grin with my teeth showing, and Poe does the same thing. It’s the map, to Uncle Luke! It feels like everything has fallen into place now as we stand here staring at the map. Here I thought initially that the mission Poe and I went on was pointless, but in the end we got what we needed. 

“The map, it is complete,” C3P0 announces. Poe comes to stand behind my mom and I as we both looked amazed at the map. I’ve never been to this planet of which this map leads, but for some reason I slightly recognize it. Like maybe it was a place that my Uncle had told me about or maybe from my dreams. I blink a couple of times in confusion, and shake my head, making a mental note that I would ask my mom about the planet later on.

“Luke,” my mom says with such hope and emotion, that I look at her tears filling my eyes. All of the loss, that long difficult mission, came to this. Now we could find Uncle Luke, and we could bring him back to help us. C3P0 comes to stand next to R2, touching his head tenderly. For one moment, a small tiny moment, I feel a spark of hope. One that I’ve needed after the last couple of days. I tighten my grip on my mom’s hand, needing the sense of comfort to hold me down. Poe on the other side of me places his large hand on my lower back, and leans over to place a kiss on the side of my head. We did it. Poe and I did it, we got the map, and now we would find the last jedi. 

“Oh, my dear friend. How I’ve missed you,” C3P0 says and R2 replies with happy beeps. With the two people I love the most in the entire world standing at my side, I know that after today things will shift and change. There was a new sense of hope surrounding me, as I accepted the overwhelming amount of force that is inside me. The force will help guide me from this point on, and will lead the Resistance to winning this war. We all glance at each other happily, knowing that this was another step towards taking down the first order. 

~

I stand behind Rey, Poe’s hand in my own as she emotionally speaks to Finn whose eyes are closed, and breathing is steady. My heart breaks at the scene in front of me, wishing I had not got injured so that I could have protected Finn. Poe squeezes my hand almost reading my mind, and leaves a tender kiss on my temple. The rhythmic beeping in the room, reminding me that Finn was still alive was the only relief that I felt in this situation. “We’ll see each other again, I believe that,” Rey says quietly and I give a weak smile towards the two. In the small amount of time we’ve all known each other, we really have created a bond. A bond that cannot be easily broken. She leans down to leave a lingering kiss on his forehead, “Thank you, my friend,” she whispered, turning to look at us with wet eyes. I release Poe’s hand opening up my arms for her, which she gladly walks into. 

I embrace her tightly, rubbing her back soothingly, “Don’t worry Rey, I’ll be here when he wakes up,”. She only nods in my shoulder letting out a breath of relief. I tighten my hold on her, not quite ready to let go yet. I couldn’t believe how close and comfortable we grew with each other in the past few days. It was going to be difficult to say goodbye to her. She pulls away reluctantly, to look me over, and releases me as she walks from the room. I sigh watching her go, feeling uneasy about her going to find Uncle Luke alone. I could only hope that Uncle Luke was willing to train her and I in the force. Not only for us, but for the galaxy, and the resistance as well. 

~

I sit quietly on Poe’s bed, which might as well be ours at this point with how much time I spend here. I watch as Poe walks out with a towel wrapped around his waist, his bare chest showing. I almost choke on air at the sight of him, a hot blush reaching my cheeks.This wasn’t the first time I’ve seen him half naked, but his beauty never ceases to amaze me. He was one of the most handsome men I’ve ever met. He gives me a small smirk, and I roll my eyes at him. “Are you going to the party tonight, princess?” he asks unsure as he pulls out some clothes to put on. If I’m honest, I was not much in the celebrating mood, but this was a huge accomplishment for the resistance, and Poe was one of the main reasons we were able to blow up the Star Killer base. As I sit silent Poe finishes putting on his clothes, a v-neck white short sleeve, and tan pants. He kneels down in front of me, taking my hand in his. He looks into my eyes, searching for how I am feeling, “we don’t have to go, baby, we can stay in,” he soothes taking his other free hand to rub some hair out of my face. That sounded nice, to just lay in bed with him, ignore everything else. He deserved to celebrate this though, and so I could be strong for at least one night. 

I let out a breath looking down at my now destroyed clothes and then I look back at him, “No, Poe, you have a right to celebrate this, just let me go get changed,” he furrows his brows, his wet curls falling onto his forehead. I could tell he was worried, it was one thing to lose a parent, but to watch it all unfold in front of you was another. Not to mention, I did die tonight, I can see why he is hesitant. I was hesitant myself, I knew that I was feeling remotely okay right now but I was afraid to crack at any moment. Loose strands of my curls fall around my face as my eyes linger on the commander’s faces, from the furrow in his brow, to his thick lips pulled down in a frown. 

“You have some outfits here…,” he starts but I stop him.

“I… can’t wear those,” I murmured sadly, and he nodded slowly understanding. Most of my outfits have mainly been based off of what my parents wear, I couldn’t count how many vests my father bought me. He thought I was adorable in a little vest, dressed like him. My mother tried to get me to wear dresses every once in a while but I wanted to be like my dad. Most of my favorites were my dad’s looks, so that was what I wore the majority of the time, and what is in Poe’s room. For some reason growing up, I wanted to look like a smuggler just like my dad. It just stuck even when i got older. Now, it was only a reminder of the painful past, of the fact that my father was gone. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asks and I let go of his hand standing and he moves out of my way, watching every movement I make. He’s treating me like I’m so fragile, I knew it was only because he cared, but it was slightly frustrating. I’m a general’s daughter, her second in command, I was strong. I could push through this. If my mom was capable of being this strong, so was I. I just need to keep reminding myself, if my mother could do it… I could too. Right? 

“No, it’s okay,” I answer swiftly, getting on my tippy toes to place a kiss on his cheek, “I’ll be right back,”. I make my way past him before he can say anything and out his door towards my quarters. I place my arms over my chest, hugging myself looking at the empty hallways. Everyone was already outside starting their celebrations. I come to a stop at my door, and press in the code for my room, the door sliding open. I walk over to my closest as I slowly start to peel off Poe’s destroyed jacket, which I need to give back to him. I open the door, and start going through the clothes coming to a stop at a black button up short sleeve shirt, and some tan pants. I pull off my destroyed outfit and discard it to the side to throw away later. It was all covered in blood anyway, the shirt and the vest had a gaping hole in them now. 

I look down at my bloody torso, where the healed wound used to be. The blood was all dried up and crusty now. I rub my hand against it, and let out a sigh, at least I wouldn’t have a scar. I walk to my small bathroom to wash off the blood, and then start to slowly slip on the outfit. I tuck the shirt in, and grab a black leather belt to wear with it. Once finished, I stare in the mirror, confused by the image. Days ago, I didn’t look so defeated, so broken. Sure, I had been through some things, but it's like my father’s death had a completely different toll on me. There’s bags under my eyes, my eyes are shot red, and my hair is a tangled mess. I pulled the last of it out of its buns, and picked up my hairbrush to brush it. I noticed it’s a bit longer, past my shoulder blades now. I decided to let it down for tonight since it was a celebration, and turn on my heels to walk back into my room so that I can go back to Poe.

I stop in my tracks at the person standing by my bed, my eyes completely wide. My heart beats heavily in my chest, as I look around for anything to protect myself. “Padme,” Ben’s voice rings out in the room. This brought my attention back to his distraught and exhausted looking form. How was he in here? How did he get past any of the resistance fighters? How did I not sense him? Now that I think about it now, and focus, I hardly felt him. It was like he was half here, and half not. “I’m not actually here,” he explains as if he can read my mind. I take steps away from him, avoiding any eye contact with him. My chest tightens, and tears fill my eyes as I refuse to even acknowledge him. Did he think I wanted to see him after what he had done, to my father? I try to catch my breath, but it feels like I'm drowning under water. 

“What are you doing here?” I seethe, my voice trembling. 

“I came to apologize,” my eyes popped up to look at him, and I noticed that he looked like a complete mess, even more so than me. Eyes wet and red, hair tousled, like he had been just sobbing. I was trying to understand why he would be so upset, if he was so taken into the dark side then my death shouldn’t have bothered him. “For hurting you,” he explains thoroughly, as if that was the only thing he had to apologize for. I move my arms to cover my chest, again hugging myself. I thought about yelling, hoping that Poe would come to my aid, but the thought of Ben hurting someone else I loved stopped me. I had to do this on my own, this wasn’t a battle that Poe had to fight alongside me. 

“It doesn’t matter,” I look away from him trying to hold back my tears. I wouldn’t let him see the pain he caused me, not even for a second. He doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t even deserve to speak to me. We’re both silent for a moment and I think he’s slightly confused by what I said, wondering why I didn’t care more for my well being. Everyone else’s well-being is what mattered to me, my father’s death is what mattered to me. He took my father away from me, and I don’t think I could ever forgive him for that. How could I? 

“It matters to me- I felt you…,” he stopped closing his eyes, and I looked him over realizing the emotions taking over him right now, “I’m sorry I hurt you,”. Was that regret that I saw in his eyes when he opened them? Did he regret hurting me, killing me? Did he feel when I died, much like my mother did when my father died? Maybe, because we were twins he felt it more strongly, intensely. We’ve been connected from the moment we were born, knowing when something was wrong with each other. This couldn’t be much different, maybe he did feel when I died. He took me away from this world, and maybe he does regret that.

“I would rather be dead than living in a world without him,” I look right into his eyes when I say this, choking up on my words. It was true. I had lived so long without him in my life, that when I finally got him back I forgot all of the good that he brought into my life. He wasn’t a perfect father, but he loved us endlessly. A life without him in it, a permanent one, felt almost unbearable. My own brother took my father away from me, just when I found him again. It all felt so unfair. 

At first he doesn’t say anything but finally he says, “I don’t… I don’t want to be away from you any longer. You’re my sister,”. His eyes are begging, and I almost choke at his words, was he really asking me to join him again? After he killed our father? Before, I would have been tempted, as I always was because I missed my twin brother. Now though, after this, I couldn’t even think about it. My brother Ben Solo was gone, there was no bringing him back. All that’s left is Kylo Ren, and I want nothing to do with Kylo Ren. 

I squeeze my eyes, my dad’s face filling my vision,”Why did you take him away from me?” the tears start to run down my cheeks as I speak, “Hadn’t you taken enough from me?”. I open my eyes to look at him, and I see the pain in his dark eyes. “My brother died, the moment he killed my father,” my voice trembles, and Ben shakes his head, his curls falling into his eyes. 

“Padme please…,” 

**Padme…**

My father’s voice echoes in my ears, and I close my eyes shaking my head. No, not again… I can’t relive this..

**“Padme, please go”**

**“No, not without you!”**

**“Ben no”**

**“BEN DON’T!”**

I can't breath as I watch in front of me again, my father walking towards Ben closer and closer to his demise. I try to move my feet to go to him, to stop it this time. The words spoken between the two blur as everything around me distorts, and I feel my knees buckle under me as I let out another sob. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t…

_ But it was real… and it’s happening again.  _

“Padme,” Ben’s voice breaks through it all but I can’t bring myself back, I can’t get out of this endless loop. I try to open my eyes, so I don’t have to see this anymore, so that I don’t have to relive it again but even when I do I still see it. The scene playing right before me of my dad walking towards his own death. Dad… please, no not dad… 

**“I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it…”**

“NO,” I scream, extending my hand out to throw anything, to do anything, to stop this from happening, to save my dad, but just like in the moment it happened I’m useless. I watch again as Ben takes the lightsaber and stabs it through dad’s middle and I cry out falling to my knees. I whimper, as I watch his body fall into the endless void. The ache from before, only hurting tenfold as I was unable to save my father once again. I’m hyperventilating on the floor sobbing into my hand, as the loss of my father takes hold of me. He’s gone. He’s dead. He’s gone. Why do I have to keep reliving it? 

“Hey,” a softer voice comes to my ears, “hey, hey, hey, I’m right here, I’ve got you,”. My eyes fly open, and I’m back in my room, on my knees. I look around frantically for Ben, who is now gone. In the place of Ben was a destroyed room, and someone pulling me into their chest. I sob into Poe’s chest, trying to calm down, but I can’t breath. “Shh, I’ve got you, always,” he cooes rubbing my back, and kissing the top of my head. What was that? It was like I was there again, and there was no way to get out of it. “It happens to me too,” he soothes, bringing his other hand to braid into my hair. I try to let Poe’s presence calm me, but the image of my father falling to his death just keeps replaying in my mind. 

Eventually, my sobs slow down, and I am able to breathe normally again. I don’t pull away from Poe though as I mutter, “I-I’m sorry,”. He shakes his head pulling me away to look me over, he brings his hands up to wipe away my tears. I look into his soft brown eyes, feeling safe here in the moment with him. He’s always able to bring me back down to the planet, to bring me back to a peace of mind. 

“Don’t be, I’ve got you,” he says quietly.

“Always?” I question meekly. 

“Until the end of time, princess,” he promises rubbing my arms in an attempt to cease my trembling that I was still doing. I let his smooth and gentle touch soothe me as much as they can in the moment, letting my eyes close. I allow myself to focus on his closeness, on his touch, his breath, his heartbeat and all this seems to bring my breathing back to normal. I slowly open my eyes to peer up at him, and he looks me over carefully, “it’ll get better,” he brushes his hands through my hair. “In time,” he assures as I start to shift in his arms. Would it? It felt so real… like I was in the moment again, but ten times worse. It was like these visions were there to remind me, that I couldn’t do anything to save my father. Not when it happened, and especially not now, what an awful feeling that was. 

“Do you just want to rest, sweetheart? I can stay with you,” I look up into his chocolate eyes and let out a small sigh. I wouldn’t ruin the party for him tonight. I could act normal, even if just for now, so that he could have a good night. I stand from his arms, Poe helping me up to my feet. I could get through this one night, I’m sure. I could mourn alone later, when no one else was around. This wasn’t Poe’s burden or pain to bear, it was mine. He has too much to deal with as it is, I wouldn’t add more to it. The last thing I want to be is a burden on him. I want to make his life easier, not harder. 

“No it’s okay, love, just let me wash my face,” I hear his footsteps behind me as I turn to walk towards the bathroom. He stands in the doorway, leaning against its frame as I turn on the water. I cup some in my hand, and splash the cold water in my face, feeling some relief in my warm cheeks from the crying. I stare blankly into the mirror, and try to brush my fingers through my hair. I really did look a mess, completely broken down from today’s events.

“You look beautiful as ever,” Poe speaks softly coming behind me to grasp my shoulders while I dry off my face. I shrug underneath his touch and turn to look at him, giving him a weak smile. Tonight was about him, about the Resistance, and about our victory. I grab the fabric of his shirt in between my fingers, edging him closer. I lean up on my tippy toes leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. He melts into the kiss instantly, edging closer to me. If I could dissolve and disappear into this kiss, into him, I would. I could survive solely off of his love, off this moment as his hands come up to grasp my face in his. It feels as if he leaves fire in his wake, the kind of fire that provides warmth and safety. Also the kind of fire that could burn me to the very core, had he chosen so. He never did though, after all of these years he had to wait for me to open up. After all of this time, after the torture my brother put him through, this war that my blood has caused… he still loves me. He still chose to use the fire to warm me, instead of burn me. The fire brought the light into my life that I needed to ward off the darkness. “Mm, what was that for,” he mumbles as we slowly pull away.

There’s so many things I could say, as to why. I didn’t even know how to start to tell him how much he means to me, how much that he has done for me. I could tell him that he was the light in my life,I could even tell him that there was no one in this galaxy that I needed more than him. There were three words where I could start though… 

“Because I love you,” I reply sweetly, and he lets out a small chuckle, lacing his fingers through my own. He presses a lingering kiss on the side of my head and leads me out of the bathroom and out of my room. Hand in hand we make our way outside to the party going on outside. 

***


	16. Chapter 16: Between It All Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme has experienced heartbreak before - but nothing like this. Will the love of those around her be enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while... I am so so sorry guys!! Life has been so hectic which I know is no excuse. With a promotion at work and moving, it was just so busy. I'm back now though and I'll update as much as I can! After this part, there will be one more part for the Force Awakens, and after that I will continue on to write for the Last Jedi. The only warnings for this chapter is angst, lots of it. A reminder I do not own Star Wars or its characters. Thank you for sticking around!!

I can smell the smoke from a bonfire nearby, and the alcohol others are already consuming. I crinkle my nose at the combination of the smell lingering throughout the party. I wasn’t much on alcohol, I didn’t really like the taste or smell. I usually only drank if I needed to relax, and if Poe was there to keep an eye on me. Poe keeps a tight grip on my hand, trying to soothe my nerves as I glance around looking for Rey or my mom. The more I think about it though, the more I realize my mother is probably mourning herself. Much like me she’s probably not in the partying mood. I keep my eyes down, not wanting to be social or catch anyone’s attention. I was here as support for Poe, I wasn’t much on discussing today's events. There was laughter, and loud talking all around us as everyone celebrates our victory. It was something to celebrate, destroying that awful weapon. Even if there was a lot of loss along the way. I focus on Poe’s tight grip in mine letting it hold me down, and letting my thoughts linger. 

A couple of the pilots from the Black Squadron, two of them I recognize as Jess and Snap, walk up to pat Poe on the shoulder. They give him some congrats, and he releases my hand for a moment to speak to them. I don’t think twice about it as I take this as my chance to slip away from the crowd to stand in the back alone. Poe doesn’t seem to notice my disappearance as he continues to chatter away with his friends. I didn’t really mind, it was too loud and exciting for me to deal with right now. I stand in just the right spot by the line of trees, watching Poe as he interacts with his squadron. He talks with them effortlessly, he seems so at ease. The muscle in his shoulders are loosening from the drink that now sits in his hand. His eyes glance around him for a moment, probably looking for me, and then looks back at Snap who is trying to catch his attention. I let out a small breath of relief, hoping that he will enjoy himself. 

I jump at a sudden touch on my shoulder, but relax quickly as I turn to see Rey’s small and kind frame. “Oh hey,” I say, placing my hand against my chest, trying to calm my heartbeat. She gives me an apologetic smile, glancing around at everyone celebrating. She didn’t seem to be in the celebrating mood either. It must have been difficult for her to watch not only Ben kill my dad, but hurt Finn and I as well. I wrap a comforting arm around her shoulders pulling her closer to me. She wasn’t in this alone, just like I wasn’t. We had each other. She brings her hand up to grasp my own, and gives it a gentle squeeze. It was nice having people around me I care about, even if it was just for tonight. Tomorrow, we would have a memorial for my father, I would watch Rey leave, and we would go back to fighting a war. There was never time in the midst of a war to mourn, to relax, it was only small moments like these that we could. 

I look back at the crowd and focus my eyes on Poe who is caught up laughing with Snap. A tired smile reaches my lips, and I swallow back the lump in my throat. My dad should be here, at my side, laughing along with us. He should be with Poe getting to know him, getting to know the man I hoped to be with forever. “I’m sorry about your dad,” Rey says quietly and I remove my arm from her to turn to look at her. Her eyes are misty as she looks into my own. She felt regret, and pain after what has happened, I suppose she thought she should have stopped Ben. She was wrong. It was I who was supposed to save my father, to destroy Ben. I was too weak. 

“Don’t be,” my voice shakes, “there’s nothing that could have been done,”. Before she can say anything else to me I avoid her eyes, “I- I’m going to the restroom,”. I turn away from her before she can stop me, and push my feet as fast as I can away from the party. I wasn’t sure where my feet were taking me at first, but realization soon hit me as my father’s ship came into my view. I check behind me to see if anyone has followed me, but I don’t see or hear anybody. I continue my walk towards the ship and stop right in front of it. Usually, when I was upset I would climb on top ships, or in trees, but as I bring my now nub of a hand up to look at it I realize that was something I could no longer do. Not until I got my replacement robotic hand. 

A tremor of heartache shoots through me at the thought of being in the falcon, but at the same time that’s the closest thing I have of my father that I have left. I move slowly to the ship to press the button, and the ramp comes down with a slow hiss. I shift the weight in my feet nervously hesitating at first, but I start to move my feet slowly but surely up the ramp. When I duck into the ship, I reach out to turn on the light. I glance around at the empty ship and walk forward to get to the cockpit. I stand in between the two seats and look up to see my father’s golden dice hanging in the window. Pain collected into my chest, as I reached out for them, taking the cold dice in my grasp, “oh, dad,”. I squeeze my eyes shut as a sob breaks from my lips, and I’m thrown to a simpler, happier time.

~~~

**_I sit on my father’s lap, in the pilot seat of the falcon, fiddling with his golden dice. My brother, Ben, is sitting in mom’s lap in the co-pilot seat. I’m quieter than usual, that much could be noticed, as my father focuses on the controls. “Why does he have to go?” I ask quietly, my childlike voice small. Ben and my mom glance over at me, Ben with a mix of sadness and happiness in his features. “Why can’t he train at home with us?” I whimper turning in my lap to look at my father who glances down at me, then back up at the controls quickly. I know that this was partly what Ben wanted, he wanted to learn about the force but I wish he didn’t have to go so far to do it._ **

**_“You can go with him,” my father tries to comfort, “you both can be together,”. I shake my head no furiously, the thought of being away from my parents bringing dread into my veins. My mom lets out a frustrated sigh, her buns not even slightly moving as she quickly whips her head to look at my father. I look between the two my eyes widening, at the new tension in the room. I was hoping I didn’t cause another argument between the two._ **

**_“She doesn’t have to train if she doesn’t want to Han,” she says sternly but then looks at me softly, “Honey, you can visit each other whenever you would like,”. I look over at Ben, who is already looking at me. He gives me a huge grin, reaching his hand out for me, which I meet him halfway grabbing his fingers between my own. Our hands cling tightly to each other as I try to return his smile._ **

**_“Don’t worry, Me, you’ll always be my best friend,” Ben promises squeezing my fingers, “I’ll come visit you all the time,”. My dad brings a hand to the top of my head, rubbing it softly. I glance away from Ben to look at my dad, who’s features have noticeably softened. He’s starting to realize that Ben and I need to go into different directions to grow, even though that is really difficult for us both to do._ **

**_“They’re right kid, you can visit as much as you like don’t worry, okay?” My dad stands with me swinging me around, and I let out a spew of giggles as the wind whips around me. “No matter what you’ll have us,” my dad assures. I smile up at him as he pulls me up into his arms to look at me. No matter what… you’ll have us._ **

**_~~~_ **

My vision blurs as I walk out of the cockpit dice in hand, back towards where the booth sits. I blink again, as more memories seep into my vision, breaking my heart all over again. 

~~~

**_I’m sitting in the booth next to my father who has his arm wrapped around my shoulders. “Dad,” I say suddenly looking up at him. He looks down at me with a raised eyebrow encouraging me to continue with a small nod. “Will I ever get to pilot the falcon on my own?,” at my words my father scoffs quietly with an amused smile on his lips. I give him an offended glance, and he chuckles at my expression. I’ve been copiloting for him for years now! I’m pretty sure I can handle flying this ship._ **

**_“Maybe someday,” I perk up at my father’s words before he continues to speak, “When I’m gone,”. I sink into the booth, with a pout on my lips. If the only way I could pilot the ship is if he was gone, I wouldn’t want it. “Sorry kid, but before you this ship was my child,” he teases, shaking my shoulders._ **

**_“Then I never want to fly it,” a lump forms in my throat as I shake my head, “cause I want you around forever…,”._ **

**_~~~_ **

I blink away my tears as I continue past the booth and back towards my father’s room. I stop in the doorway, to stare at the bed sitting in the middle of the room. I reach up my hand holding the dice, letting out another cry. This ship holds so many memories, that made it so difficult to let go… 

**_~~~_ **

**_I let out a breath as I plop down onto my father’s bed, pulling my knees into my chest. Why were boys so confusing? I straight out told Abel I thought that he was cute, and all he did was run off! Ugh. I hear footsteps coming down the hallway and look up to see my father as he walks into the room to sit next to me. “So kid, you wanna tell me why you’re hiding out in the falcon instead of spending time with your brother while he’s here?” my dad questions. I look up at him, and back down as I bring my knees in closer to my chest. He’s just dad, what would he know? It’s been forever since he’s been a teenager._ **

**_“He doesn’t like me,” I mumble avoiding looking at my father. My dad lets out an audible sound, as the mattress dips besides me. I glance sideways at him, and he wraps an arm around my shoulders. My father is quiet for a moment debating over what to say. I’m sure having not only one, but two preteens was not easy. Especially preteens who both have the force. My parents really weren’t lucky in that department._ **

**_“Wanna know what I think, kid?” I only give him a brief glance before nodding letting him know that I would like to know what he thinks. “I think that you should wait until I’m dead to date any boys,” he gives me his signature smirk as he says this. I narrow my eyes at him and let out a huff._ **

**_“Dad!”_ **

**_“Okay, okay,” my dad brings both of his hands up in surrender, “I’m sorry, not funny,” he chuckles bringing me closer into him. I refuse to look at him as he becomes more serious, “Look, I understand how frustrating it can be to be a teenager and all. Boys seem very important right now. Am I right?” he looks down at me brushing some hair out of my face. I look into his brown eyes nodding, and crossing my arms across my chest. He was right. It almost felt like it would be the end of the world if Abel didn’t feel the same way I did. I’ve never felt like this before. “I think that you shouldn’t take it so seriously,” my dad explains slowly, and looks off into the distance seemingly lost in the past. “You’re so young, you have plenty of time to figure it out. Enjoy this while you can,” he urges looking back down at me, “you won’t be young forever, things will shift and change as you grow,”. Who knew my father was so wise._ **

**_I look down at my lap puzzled by his words, but what if I didn’t have a lot of time? What if by tomorrow Abel will change his mind? “Even if he doesn’ like you,” my dad continues, “is he the only boy in the world?’ I smile gently now looking up at him, knowing that he was right. Not that I would tell him that. He seems to see that I’m understanding though because he lets out a laugh, “Although I still think you should wait until I’m dead, and maybe years after that too,”._ **

**_I have to suppress my eyeroll._ **

**_***_ **

I fall to the floor unable to hold myself up any longer as I let out loud sobs. Gut wrenching, aching sobs leave my body as I tremble uncontrollably. I let out a loud scream, trying to release the horrible aching pain in my heart of the loss of my father. How could I ever move on from this? Everything else feels like faint pain compared to this. My brother, my best friend, killed our father. How do I forget this? How do I rid myself of the horrible image of my father falling to his death? I curl into a ball rockng myself back and forth. I try to settle my breathing as much as I can but I can’t stop. No, he can’t be, no, no… my dad can’t be gone... 

I look down at the dice in my hands, suddenly not wanting anything to do with it. I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to think about my dad anymore. I toss the dice away from me, “Fuck!,” I begin to cry even harder, wanting to leave the falcon at this point but finding no strength in my legs to do so. I let out another loud scream, as tears poured down my red and sore cheeks. Will the tears ever stop, will the pain ever stop? I can’t do this. I don’t think I can live without my dad. I don’t even notice the soft footsteps into the room until I hear a faint voice speaking.

“Padme?” I look up to see my mom holding the dice I just threw across the room in her hands. My eyes move slightly to see Rey and Poe standing behind her as well. I look back at my mother slowly to see her taking small steps towards me. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispers, sounding like she’s getting choked up as well. I cover my mouth letting out another sob, my body falling over to the side as I curl into a ball. “Oh sweetie,” my mom comes to my side, taking a seat in front of me. Poe and Rey follow right behind her, both of them sitting on either side of me. 

“When will it stop?” I rasp through my broken sobs. My mom reaches out brushing her hand through my hair, while Poe rubs a soothing hand along my back, and Rey touches my shoulder. 

“I don’t know darling, but you don’t have to do it alone,” Poe whispers.

“You’ve got us,” Rey assures. 

I lay there and cry, as they silently comfort me until I finally cry myself into oblivion. 


End file.
